Que sera, sera - what's meant to be, will be.
So it's been a superlong time since i last posted (or maybe not - i don't know! time flies when you're having fun) But as we all know, things change.
For me, too, things have changed, in some of the most beautiful ways possible.
If my heart were a 1,000-piece puzzle, 850 of those pieces have just been superglued together. For the first time in a long time, i can be myself, i can feel whole.
And that's not to say that everything is perfect - it's not.
I've come a long way, but there are still a long ways to go.
Looking back, that scared little 17-year-old girl entering her new university almost alone, timid and shy beyond words, nearly on the verge of tears; that 17-year-old feels like a memory that's already been glossed over with time. Sure, some days are difficult. Some days i feel lonely and lost. Some days just don't go right at all. But i've grown, i've adapted (somewhat, lol~) and if i could go back in time to give that terrified little girl a hug and a few words of wisdom.
I still remember a time when i was horrified by the very aspect of university.
Going into such a huge place? how would i survive? how would i make friends? how would i ever, ever manage being just a number in this enourmous place??
But then i remembered a very important person in my life telling me, "university is the place where many people bloom." - i do not remember her exact wording, but i remember the feeling that came with it - a safe haven, a reassurance.
I went into university with those words in mind.
At first, it was hard.
The first days of school, i had no idea what i was doing.
I felt lost in this enourmous world.
The week passed by smoothly. A few rickety friendships blossomed. We smiled. We shared stories. We laughed.
Frosh came.
I went into that with the words in mind too. I was scared, yes, but i was ready for a challenge.
Turning out to not have made a single friend that has stayed with me (from Frosh) was heart rending. It was difficult to swallow, but we had fun. We played games, we danced, we had snack runs downtown well past 2AM. For the first time in my life, i lived.
Times come and go.
Slowly, i learn the ropes. I meet new people. I make connections.
We laugh, we talk, and sometimes we party till we drop.
Friendships continue to blossom, and new ones pop up at every turn in life. (because a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet, amirite? :D)
Time passes again, a bit too fast for my liking. But time flies when you're enjoying yourself, and sometimes i'm left with mere memories of what has happened, pictures, snapchats, instagram. How do all the days come and go so quickly?
Just like the environment has, and just like that important person said, i changed.
In the process of finding my way, i started to discover myself, who i really am, what i really enjoy.
(touch of cynicism: as much as some people believe, my life does extend beyond alcohol, boys, and instagram)
There are things i regret (like not rushing? dammit!) and things i cherish (how can you not just absolutely adore the baes and bros that have become a part of my life?)
There are times when i've been lonelier than lonely, tears prickling the corners of my eyes as i look on forlornly, and there have been times, many times, when i've laughed so hard my stomach hurted, so hard i cannot see, laughed till tears ran down my face.
Things aren't yet perfect.
Like that important person says, it's blossoming. And never we forget, flowers don't bloom in a day.
So while i'm still insecure at times and terrified of the future, i also look forward to the challenges it may give me, the new friends that i will make, the endless opportunities.
For the first time in forever, i see the world in bright, vivid colours. I see the hope and possibilities. For the first time in forever (okay, Frozen much?) I'm living the dream. (or at least part of it - still need 150 more pieces in that 1,000 piece puzzle to complete me!)
❤ ❤ ❤
