Que sera, sera - what's meant to be, will be.
So it's been a superlong time since i last posted (or maybe not - i don't know! time flies when you're having fun) But as we all know, things change.
For me, too, things have changed, in some of the most beautiful ways possible.
If my heart were a 1,000-piece puzzle, 850 of those pieces have just been superglued together. For the first time in a long time, i can be myself, i can feel whole.
And that's not to say that everything is perfect - it's not.
I've come a long way, but there are still a long ways to go.
Looking back, that scared little 17-year-old girl entering her new university almost alone, timid and shy beyond words, nearly on the verge of tears; that 17-year-old feels like a memory that's already been glossed over with time. Sure, some days are difficult. Some days i feel lonely and lost. Some days just don't go right at all. But i've grown, i've adapted (somewhat, lol~) and if i could go back in time to give that terrified little girl a hug and a few words of wisdom.
I still remember a time when i was horrified by the very aspect of university.
Going into such a huge place? how would i survive? how would i make friends? how would i ever, ever manage being just a number in this enourmous place??
But then i remembered a very important person in my life telling me, "university is the place where many people bloom." - i do not remember her exact wording, but i remember the feeling that came with it - a safe haven, a reassurance.
I went into university with those words in mind.
At first, it was hard.
The first days of school, i had no idea what i was doing.
I felt lost in this enourmous world.
The week passed by smoothly. A few rickety friendships blossomed. We smiled. We shared stories. We laughed.
Frosh came.
I went into that with the words in mind too. I was scared, yes, but i was ready for a challenge.
Turning out to not have made a single friend that has stayed with me (from Frosh) was heart rending. It was difficult to swallow, but we had fun. We played games, we danced, we had snack runs downtown well past 2AM. For the first time in my life, i lived.
Times come and go.
Slowly, i learn the ropes. I meet new people. I make connections.
We laugh, we talk, and sometimes we party till we drop.
Friendships continue to blossom, and new ones pop up at every turn in life. (because a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet, amirite? :D)
Time passes again, a bit too fast for my liking. But time flies when you're enjoying yourself, and sometimes i'm left with mere memories of what has happened, pictures, snapchats, instagram. How do all the days come and go so quickly?
Just like the environment has, and just like that important person said, i changed.
In the process of finding my way, i started to discover myself, who i really am, what i really enjoy.
(touch of cynicism: as much as some people believe, my life does extend beyond alcohol, boys, and instagram)
There are things i regret (like not rushing? dammit!) and things i cherish (how can you not just absolutely adore the baes and bros that have become a part of my life?)
There are times when i've been lonelier than lonely, tears prickling the corners of my eyes as i look on forlornly, and there have been times, many times, when i've laughed so hard my stomach hurted, so hard i cannot see, laughed till tears ran down my face.
Things aren't yet perfect.
Like that important person says, it's blossoming. And never we forget, flowers don't bloom in a day.
So while i'm still insecure at times and terrified of the future, i also look forward to the challenges it may give me, the new friends that i will make, the endless opportunities.
For the first time in forever, i see the world in bright, vivid colours. I see the hope and possibilities. For the first time in forever (okay, Frozen much?) I'm living the dream. (or at least part of it - still need 150 more pieces in that 1,000 piece puzzle to complete me!)
❤ ❤ ❤
Wednesday 19 November 2014
Tuesday 21 October 2014
10 Things I Wish I Told My Younger Self
"Whether it is a meeting by chance or a major event, every occurrence will affect the future, for a man's path of life is not only unstoppable, it is also neverending. The smallest thing, the shortest amount of time, the littlest piece of record of memory... the fate that accompanies you will never disappear."
Before delving any deeper into the subject, just let me say - yes, i do believe in fate.
I believe that we are free to make our own choices, but the many things that happen in our lives are fated. What we make of it, is up to us, but the occurrence that happens, is meant to be.
As such, i explain it as -
If i am at [Point A] and my fate dictates that i must arrive at [Point B], I will eventually arrive at [Point B], no matter what i do. But like travelling between destinations, my choices and my reactions will affect the rate by which i arrive to [Point B]. Such as - I can travel from Vancouver to Seattle via plane, via car, via foot - that is a choice, and it is up to me. No matter what i do, i will eventually arrive at Seattle - but as we can see, some methods are more efficient than others.
As such, i believe that every meeting, every occurrence, that happens in my life, happens because it is meant to be.
Despite my firm belief in such, there are still many things, many life lessons, that i wish i could have told my "younger self," had i had the chance to time travel.
No doubt, i am speaking to a 15, 16, 17-year-old me, and i am still young, 18 in only a few short days. But i have changed, because a person is constantly changing, constantly being influenced by the people around them, by their dreams, by their environment.
I may not be drastically different from who i was back then, but with what little knowledge i have gained now,
These are the 10 things i wish i could tell my younger self.
10) Don't be afraid to speak out. Don't live your life constantly wording and rewording your sentences, thinking twice before speaking, worrying that it won't be received well. If you think it you can speak it - those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, won't mind. Don't let yourself be silenced by your fear.
9) Don't let other people bully you. You may stay with a certain person or people out of fear of rejection, or because they are blackmailing you, emotionally abusing you, any of the myriad of reasons. But whatever their intentions, whatever their meaning, you are better than this. Don't let people push you around or let them try and dictate your life. And if they can't respect your choices or make you feel good about yourself at the end of the day, they're not worth it. Don't waste time with people that don't create value or love in your life.
8) Party hard. Going against everything that parents say, let loose and party hard. Whatever people say about responsibility, or taking caution, throw that to the wind. Let loose, get blackout drunk, kiss a few boys, and live it up. Dance your heart out. There's no shame in doing what you want to do, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong. They'll live their life, you live yours. Don't let social constraints stop you from having a good time.
7) It's okay to have some quiet alone time. You might think that being at the centre and hub of all happenings is great, and may feel lost without someone to keep you afloat, but remember that alone time is also something to be cherished. Take it as a time to centre yourself so you can be fabulous once you get back to being around people.
6) Take chances. It's better to have tried and failed than to never try at all. They say that life begins at the end of your comfort zone, and it's true. Whenever something makes you feel iffy or nervous, go for it. Whether or not you enjoy it, at least now you have an extra experience to call your own. When an opportunity presents itself, jump for it. If you spend time pondering and find that it's too late, you'll end up scrounging around hoping for another opportunity. Seize the day. Don't let your inhibitions hold you back from achieving your potential.
5) Be yourself. This means more than just expressing yourself and all your quirks. Remember your values, where you came from, what you find important in life. It is so easy to get swept along with all the new opportunities and people that you forget your distinguishing features. Don't soften or sweeten up because you think you should. If people don't like you for you, then it's time to rethink if they're worth it at all. Be you, because that's when you know your friends are there for you and not a fake. Don't let your idealistic view of yourself stop you from expressing your personality.
4) No means no. As much as we all joke about "no means yes" or "if he was cute," No means no. Unless you giggle. Or actually mean yes. Then no means yes. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Don't let anyone victim-blame. Remember that first and foremost you need to care about your own safety. Your friends are there to support that too. And if someone insists on participating in rape culture or victim-blaming, cut them out of your life. (or at least, don't party with them). This sort of behaviour is dangerous to you. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, you are entitled to your safety. Don't let pop culture change the meaning of consent.
3) Don't let your happiness depend on another person. Great if you're connected at the hips and cannot be separated, but never let your happiness depend on another person. We are all human and inevitably, we all seek the best for ourselves. You would jump at better opportunities, as would they. Find your soul sistas, and find happiness in their company, but don't depend on them entirely for the concept known as happiness. Don't let other people run your world.
2) Get back up. You will fall, literally and figuratively. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and remember that anything that doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Remember: better a diamond with a flaw, than a pebble without. Sometimes you will have people there to pick you up, and other times you won't - but no matter if you're surrounded by loved ones or by yourself, get up before the mud stains, those jeans are designer! Don't be afraid of failure, nobody is perfect.
1) Appreciate life. Look up from your phone. Life is happening. Enjoy it. Every little moment, take the time to cherish it. You don't know what will happen tomorrow, so enjoy today. Don't let your past hold you back from your future.
Before delving any deeper into the subject, just let me say - yes, i do believe in fate.
I believe that we are free to make our own choices, but the many things that happen in our lives are fated. What we make of it, is up to us, but the occurrence that happens, is meant to be.
As such, i explain it as -
If i am at [Point A] and my fate dictates that i must arrive at [Point B], I will eventually arrive at [Point B], no matter what i do. But like travelling between destinations, my choices and my reactions will affect the rate by which i arrive to [Point B]. Such as - I can travel from Vancouver to Seattle via plane, via car, via foot - that is a choice, and it is up to me. No matter what i do, i will eventually arrive at Seattle - but as we can see, some methods are more efficient than others.
As such, i believe that every meeting, every occurrence, that happens in my life, happens because it is meant to be.
Despite my firm belief in such, there are still many things, many life lessons, that i wish i could have told my "younger self," had i had the chance to time travel.
No doubt, i am speaking to a 15, 16, 17-year-old me, and i am still young, 18 in only a few short days. But i have changed, because a person is constantly changing, constantly being influenced by the people around them, by their dreams, by their environment.
I may not be drastically different from who i was back then, but with what little knowledge i have gained now,
These are the 10 things i wish i could tell my younger self.
10) Don't be afraid to speak out. Don't live your life constantly wording and rewording your sentences, thinking twice before speaking, worrying that it won't be received well. If you think it you can speak it - those who mind don't matter, and those who matter, won't mind. Don't let yourself be silenced by your fear.
9) Don't let other people bully you. You may stay with a certain person or people out of fear of rejection, or because they are blackmailing you, emotionally abusing you, any of the myriad of reasons. But whatever their intentions, whatever their meaning, you are better than this. Don't let people push you around or let them try and dictate your life. And if they can't respect your choices or make you feel good about yourself at the end of the day, they're not worth it. Don't waste time with people that don't create value or love in your life.
8) Party hard. Going against everything that parents say, let loose and party hard. Whatever people say about responsibility, or taking caution, throw that to the wind. Let loose, get blackout drunk, kiss a few boys, and live it up. Dance your heart out. There's no shame in doing what you want to do, and anyone who says otherwise is wrong. They'll live their life, you live yours. Don't let social constraints stop you from having a good time.
7) It's okay to have some quiet alone time. You might think that being at the centre and hub of all happenings is great, and may feel lost without someone to keep you afloat, but remember that alone time is also something to be cherished. Take it as a time to centre yourself so you can be fabulous once you get back to being around people.
6) Take chances. It's better to have tried and failed than to never try at all. They say that life begins at the end of your comfort zone, and it's true. Whenever something makes you feel iffy or nervous, go for it. Whether or not you enjoy it, at least now you have an extra experience to call your own. When an opportunity presents itself, jump for it. If you spend time pondering and find that it's too late, you'll end up scrounging around hoping for another opportunity. Seize the day. Don't let your inhibitions hold you back from achieving your potential.
5) Be yourself. This means more than just expressing yourself and all your quirks. Remember your values, where you came from, what you find important in life. It is so easy to get swept along with all the new opportunities and people that you forget your distinguishing features. Don't soften or sweeten up because you think you should. If people don't like you for you, then it's time to rethink if they're worth it at all. Be you, because that's when you know your friends are there for you and not a fake. Don't let your idealistic view of yourself stop you from expressing your personality.
4) No means no. As much as we all joke about "no means yes" or "if he was cute," No means no. Unless you giggle. Or actually mean yes. Then no means yes. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. Don't let anyone victim-blame. Remember that first and foremost you need to care about your own safety. Your friends are there to support that too. And if someone insists on participating in rape culture or victim-blaming, cut them out of your life. (or at least, don't party with them). This sort of behaviour is dangerous to you. While everyone is entitled to their own opinion, you are entitled to your safety. Don't let pop culture change the meaning of consent.
3) Don't let your happiness depend on another person. Great if you're connected at the hips and cannot be separated, but never let your happiness depend on another person. We are all human and inevitably, we all seek the best for ourselves. You would jump at better opportunities, as would they. Find your soul sistas, and find happiness in their company, but don't depend on them entirely for the concept known as happiness. Don't let other people run your world.
2) Get back up. You will fall, literally and figuratively. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and remember that anything that doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Remember: better a diamond with a flaw, than a pebble without. Sometimes you will have people there to pick you up, and other times you won't - but no matter if you're surrounded by loved ones or by yourself, get up before the mud stains, those jeans are designer! Don't be afraid of failure, nobody is perfect.
1) Appreciate life. Look up from your phone. Life is happening. Enjoy it. Every little moment, take the time to cherish it. You don't know what will happen tomorrow, so enjoy today. Don't let your past hold you back from your future.
Friday 10 October 2014
#Blessed... Literally.
So...
It's been awhile since i last blogged, since school's been pretty busy and all that. Buuuut... I'm back for the day~!
Anyway, just yesterday i went to see [Annabelle] with a friend of mine, and it was ~GOOD~.
It wasn't UH-MAZING but it was ~GOOD~.
The story was intriguing, the visuals are nice, the concepts are good, the scares are frightening.
I can't say i was a fan of the ending though, i guess i can even say, i downright hated it. AND it followed the very generic horror story plotline, which is all fine and dandy and all, its just that i could totally see it coming.
And since it's advertised as, "Before the Conjuring, there was Annabelle," I think i'm going to stream the Conjuring next.
Although, i totally couldn't sleep that night, since my bed's a mess (like my closet threw up on my bed) so i've been sleeping on the floor. And right at the foot of my "new bed," i have a bookcase, and on top is piled tons and tons of plushies and also an Alice doll. (which isn't really doll-like but i disgress).
So while i slept peacefully at first, i woke up sometime in the middle of the night while remembering a scene from [Annabelle], looked up, saw Alice, and began to freak out a little bit while still being lucid.
And thinking back, that brings us to the post of today, in which i am #Blessed. Literally.
A long time ago, I remember my grandparents saying that they would bathe me in rice water with some sort of healing leaves, when i was still a baby. Since i wouldn't stop crying. (Colic?)
Which in itself is nothing unusual, until you take into account the various legends and myths and superstitions that old Asian people subscribe to, which totally sort of freaks me out.
But that is a thing of the past.
More recently (not actually recent) when i was about 5 to 7, i remember being in a temple.
Being #blessed.
Like, standing in front of some sort of statue, there were a lot of priests and incense sticks, chanting, and someone drew something in red on my back.
...very #Blessed indeed.
At any rate i also remember the ink being really itchy so afterwards i insisted on washing it off. Which i can't remember if my wishes were respected or not, but in any case...
This spring, too, when i went, i remember people insisted on "blessing" me at the temple. This time, i was adamant on not doing it - my holiday is already short, i wanted to spend as much of it as possible enjoying myself, and readily refused to be "blessed."
What it comes down to, i still don't know.
Was it a tradition?
Was it protection?
did they see something that i can't see?
I still don't know, and i don't think anyone will ever explain anything to me.
At any case, i'm still a fairly paranoid person and a very big scaredy cat too.
I hope it's nothing that a horror story can be written about la~
~ReRE~
It's been awhile since i last blogged, since school's been pretty busy and all that. Buuuut... I'm back for the day~!
Anyway, just yesterday i went to see [Annabelle] with a friend of mine, and it was ~GOOD~.
It wasn't UH-MAZING but it was ~GOOD~.
The story was intriguing, the visuals are nice, the concepts are good, the scares are frightening.
I can't say i was a fan of the ending though, i guess i can even say, i downright hated it. AND it followed the very generic horror story plotline, which is all fine and dandy and all, its just that i could totally see it coming.
And since it's advertised as, "Before the Conjuring, there was Annabelle," I think i'm going to stream the Conjuring next.
Although, i totally couldn't sleep that night, since my bed's a mess (like my closet threw up on my bed) so i've been sleeping on the floor. And right at the foot of my "new bed," i have a bookcase, and on top is piled tons and tons of plushies and also an Alice doll. (which isn't really doll-like but i disgress).
So while i slept peacefully at first, i woke up sometime in the middle of the night while remembering a scene from [Annabelle], looked up, saw Alice, and began to freak out a little bit while still being lucid.
And thinking back, that brings us to the post of today, in which i am #Blessed. Literally.
A long time ago, I remember my grandparents saying that they would bathe me in rice water with some sort of healing leaves, when i was still a baby. Since i wouldn't stop crying. (Colic?)
Which in itself is nothing unusual, until you take into account the various legends and myths and superstitions that old Asian people subscribe to, which totally sort of freaks me out.
But that is a thing of the past.
More recently (not actually recent) when i was about 5 to 7, i remember being in a temple.
Being #blessed.
Like, standing in front of some sort of statue, there were a lot of priests and incense sticks, chanting, and someone drew something in red on my back.
...very #Blessed indeed.
At any rate i also remember the ink being really itchy so afterwards i insisted on washing it off. Which i can't remember if my wishes were respected or not, but in any case...
This spring, too, when i went, i remember people insisted on "blessing" me at the temple. This time, i was adamant on not doing it - my holiday is already short, i wanted to spend as much of it as possible enjoying myself, and readily refused to be "blessed."
What it comes down to, i still don't know.
Was it a tradition?
Was it protection?
did they see something that i can't see?
I still don't know, and i don't think anyone will ever explain anything to me.
At any case, i'm still a fairly paranoid person and a very big scaredy cat too.
I hope it's nothing that a horror story can be written about la~
~ReRE~
Tuesday 9 September 2014
A Very International Class
Hi everyone~!
It's been a super long time since i last posted, huh! I've been very busy, you see :) I spent my entire summer split between visiting family in Asia and family in the USA, and haven't found the time to write anything, especially with university looming around the corner.
And wouldn't you know it - time flies! University is already a week in, and finally i'm writing to share with you an experience in a particular class. :)
So as you may or may not know, i've always wished to be a person that travelled a lot, or a TCK, or an expat, or anything similar, but no dice. I live with a single culture, through and through.
So imagine my surprise when i went to one of my classes (small class, ~25 people), and the teacher asked, "who is not from here?"
and ~95% of the people raised their hands.
As such, we went through introductions, mostly stating our names and where we're from.
And most people have come from places outside of here, and many were from 2 or more ethnicities.
Naturally, i was one of the ~5% people who was born "here," raised "here," and might as well live the rest of my life "here."
To be honest, i think that this is the only time i've ever been in an area with so many people from so many different places. It's really interesting, although i have only talked to a handful of them.
But wow - short entry huh. but anyway, i thought that it'd be interesting to share this, since it was particularly interesting to me.
As for updating - i'll do my best to update but from here on out there will probably be no planned updates.
Up next: My time in Taiwan; My time in Seattle.
See you next time ! <3
It's been a super long time since i last posted, huh! I've been very busy, you see :) I spent my entire summer split between visiting family in Asia and family in the USA, and haven't found the time to write anything, especially with university looming around the corner.
And wouldn't you know it - time flies! University is already a week in, and finally i'm writing to share with you an experience in a particular class. :)
So as you may or may not know, i've always wished to be a person that travelled a lot, or a TCK, or an expat, or anything similar, but no dice. I live with a single culture, through and through.
So imagine my surprise when i went to one of my classes (small class, ~25 people), and the teacher asked, "who is not from here?"
and ~95% of the people raised their hands.
As such, we went through introductions, mostly stating our names and where we're from.
And most people have come from places outside of here, and many were from 2 or more ethnicities.
Naturally, i was one of the ~5% people who was born "here," raised "here," and might as well live the rest of my life "here."
To be honest, i think that this is the only time i've ever been in an area with so many people from so many different places. It's really interesting, although i have only talked to a handful of them.
But wow - short entry huh. but anyway, i thought that it'd be interesting to share this, since it was particularly interesting to me.
As for updating - i'll do my best to update but from here on out there will probably be no planned updates.
Up next: My time in Taiwan; My time in Seattle.
See you next time ! <3
Monday 4 August 2014
How To Be a Hypocrite
One of the most important people in my life once told me,
"You are the composite average of the top five people you spend time with."
Well, one of the top five people i used to (read: used to) spend time with, is my lovely Mango, who i'm in some sort of love-hate relationship with. (hate to love you? love to hate you?)
I'm not exactly fond of many of her morals, as mentioned by many of my previous posts, and i had reckoned at the time, "no way! I'm nothing like Mango! we're like, complete opposites!"
And of course, over the course of 3 months, i prove myself utterly and completely wrong and hypocrtical for judging her the way i did, when i turn around and do the EXACT SAME THING.
Am I as awful as Mango sometimes is? Gawds, i hope not.
My two top hypocritical moments, ladies and gents -
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't like nice guys!"
When Mango first said that to me, i laughed it off and labeled her a masochist.
Who doesn't like nice guys?
They're sweet, caring, they can give you roses for Valentines day, and love you with all their heart. They're kind and gentle and sort of like a personal sun, shining so bright and lighting up your day.
I told her that she was ridiculous for not liking nice guys, and judged her for it.
We shook hands on never fighting over the same guy since we like different types.
Fast forward a few months, after some deep soul searching (in terms of romance, anyway) I come back to Mango, halfway sullen.
"You're right," i tell her, "About what?" she asks, that smirk on her face already,
"About guys. You're right. It's better when they're a little bit mean."
She laughs, and we shake on it.
Even if we go after the same general gist of it, our types are still completely different.
Looking back, save for just one exception, all the guys that i've crushed on, were a little bit mean, a little bit arrogant, a little bit everything that i'm not.
(To be fair, that nice guy is the one that shines the brightest in my eyes. I won't ever see him again - but the imprint he's left on my heart won't easily be erased)
For the record, a "nice guy" does not equate to "a square guy," cause MY nice guy sure wasn't square. He was as wild as they came - in a very nice package, that's all.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't love him anymore - i don't even want to be with him, i just don't want him to be happy with someone else, i want him to always want me."
In a nutshell, anyway.
You might remember that post.
When it was first said by Mango, it sent me off the railings.
how could you be so cruel to a nice guy that was willing to give you his all?! How could you say such heartless things about the guy that you didn't even want, just because he didn't want you anymore?!
I judged so hard.
And that judgement came right back to slap me in the face.
Because you know what?
I get what she's saying.
At the end of the day, humans are selfish creatures. We may not always be selfish in terms of love, but we are always selfish in terms of something.
All of us - no exceptions - would be willing to do awful things, given the right circumstances and the right motivations. ALL of us.
I thought that i'd never think the way Mango did - I was wrong.
When something remotely similar happened to me - I doubled back, and thought,
"But i don't want to be second-best. I don't want you to forget me. I don't want you to have anyone other than me. I preach about wanting you to find happiness - but that's only if that happiness includes ME. I want to be the one and only."
And then i realized how selfish that was.
How much like Mango i sounded.
To feel hurt over someone being happy with someone other than oneself, that is selfish (albeit inevitable) behaviour.
I finally got how Mango felt at that time - and why.
You want someone to be happy - but you don't want it to disclude you, even if you are unwilling or unable to truly give them what they need.
That is the true selfish nature of humans.
Thinking back, many possibly good things ended that way - because my selfish nature dictates that i must have all or nothing. If i'm not at the top of the list, then i don't want to be on the list at all.
People know me as selfless and kind, but i think, now that i've come to this realisation, that whatever face "people" knew me by, was only a mask to hide the true monstrosity that i am.
A person that is not unlike Mango at all, even though i've sworn up and down that i'd never be like her.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I think i'm not like Mango?
Ha.
Think again, princess.
We don't call ourselves evil twins for no reason.
Careful what you wish you - wanting to be like her means taking the bad with the good.
If that means being hypocritical… well, that's just one more thing for her to say, "I told you so!" about, isnt it?
~Ren~
"You are the composite average of the top five people you spend time with."
Well, one of the top five people i used to (read: used to) spend time with, is my lovely Mango, who i'm in some sort of love-hate relationship with. (hate to love you? love to hate you?)
I'm not exactly fond of many of her morals, as mentioned by many of my previous posts, and i had reckoned at the time, "no way! I'm nothing like Mango! we're like, complete opposites!"
And of course, over the course of 3 months, i prove myself utterly and completely wrong and hypocrtical for judging her the way i did, when i turn around and do the EXACT SAME THING.
Am I as awful as Mango sometimes is? Gawds, i hope not.
My two top hypocritical moments, ladies and gents -
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I don't like nice guys!"
When Mango first said that to me, i laughed it off and labeled her a masochist.
Who doesn't like nice guys?
They're sweet, caring, they can give you roses for Valentines day, and love you with all their heart. They're kind and gentle and sort of like a personal sun, shining so bright and lighting up your day.
I told her that she was ridiculous for not liking nice guys, and judged her for it.
We shook hands on never fighting over the same guy since we like different types.
Fast forward a few months, after some deep soul searching (in terms of romance, anyway) I come back to Mango, halfway sullen.
"You're right," i tell her, "About what?" she asks, that smirk on her face already,
"About guys. You're right. It's better when they're a little bit mean."
She laughs, and we shake on it.
Even if we go after the same general gist of it, our types are still completely different.
Looking back, save for just one exception, all the guys that i've crushed on, were a little bit mean, a little bit arrogant, a little bit everything that i'm not.
(To be fair, that nice guy is the one that shines the brightest in my eyes. I won't ever see him again - but the imprint he's left on my heart won't easily be erased)
For the record, a "nice guy" does not equate to "a square guy," cause MY nice guy sure wasn't square. He was as wild as they came - in a very nice package, that's all.
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"I don't love him anymore - i don't even want to be with him, i just don't want him to be happy with someone else, i want him to always want me."
In a nutshell, anyway.
You might remember that post.
When it was first said by Mango, it sent me off the railings.
how could you be so cruel to a nice guy that was willing to give you his all?! How could you say such heartless things about the guy that you didn't even want, just because he didn't want you anymore?!
I judged so hard.
And that judgement came right back to slap me in the face.
Because you know what?
I get what she's saying.
At the end of the day, humans are selfish creatures. We may not always be selfish in terms of love, but we are always selfish in terms of something.
All of us - no exceptions - would be willing to do awful things, given the right circumstances and the right motivations. ALL of us.
I thought that i'd never think the way Mango did - I was wrong.
When something remotely similar happened to me - I doubled back, and thought,
"But i don't want to be second-best. I don't want you to forget me. I don't want you to have anyone other than me. I preach about wanting you to find happiness - but that's only if that happiness includes ME. I want to be the one and only."
And then i realized how selfish that was.
How much like Mango i sounded.
To feel hurt over someone being happy with someone other than oneself, that is selfish (albeit inevitable) behaviour.
I finally got how Mango felt at that time - and why.
You want someone to be happy - but you don't want it to disclude you, even if you are unwilling or unable to truly give them what they need.
That is the true selfish nature of humans.
Thinking back, many possibly good things ended that way - because my selfish nature dictates that i must have all or nothing. If i'm not at the top of the list, then i don't want to be on the list at all.
People know me as selfless and kind, but i think, now that i've come to this realisation, that whatever face "people" knew me by, was only a mask to hide the true monstrosity that i am.
A person that is not unlike Mango at all, even though i've sworn up and down that i'd never be like her.
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I think i'm not like Mango?
Ha.
Think again, princess.
We don't call ourselves evil twins for no reason.
Careful what you wish you - wanting to be like her means taking the bad with the good.
If that means being hypocritical… well, that's just one more thing for her to say, "I told you so!" about, isnt it?
~Ren~
Tuesday 8 July 2014
Tips for a Better Flight
As we all know, flying can SUCK.
All that uneeded stress, leg cramps, tiny seats, awful food, and cuddling up with strangers? no thanks!
Due to that alone most people say that they hate airports or airplanes, but to be honest, i'm the opposite. Airplanes and airports are no joyrides, but i like them. They're the exciting prelude to an exciting adventure, the "we're almost there!" feeling before actually getting there.
To me, getting there's half the fun, even if it involves being crammed into a tiny space fit for a sardine.
Without further ado, there are some tips and tricks that i actually do use, in order to feel more comfortable on a plane or arriving at the airport. This will also be in chronological order.
**NOTE** I have yet to travel solo except one time, other than that i've always flown with family or a friend, so my situation may wind up being different from yours.
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Packing Your Bags
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All that uneeded stress, leg cramps, tiny seats, awful food, and cuddling up with strangers? no thanks!
Due to that alone most people say that they hate airports or airplanes, but to be honest, i'm the opposite. Airplanes and airports are no joyrides, but i like them. They're the exciting prelude to an exciting adventure, the "we're almost there!" feeling before actually getting there.
To me, getting there's half the fun, even if it involves being crammed into a tiny space fit for a sardine.
Without further ado, there are some tips and tricks that i actually do use, in order to feel more comfortable on a plane or arriving at the airport. This will also be in chronological order.
**NOTE** I have yet to travel solo except one time, other than that i've always flown with family or a friend, so my situation may wind up being different from yours.
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Packing Your Bags
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Well, first things first - getting to the airport.
A trip usually starts with packing your suitcase (aside from booking tickets and researching destination and what not) and packing, i'd say, is not my forte, and usually is the source of a lot of uneccecary stress for me when travelling.
I always wind up packing last minute, and usually i forget something at home and don't realise it until i'm actually there. (but that's what gift shops and department stores are for, right? I usually go to places that have been known to be a shopper's mecca anyway so it doesn't matter).
I recommend packing about a week before you intend to set out just to give yourself more than the allotted time - and of course, so that if you procrastinate, you won't die in the fiery pits of hell.
A nice tidbit that my mother taught me is to roll your clothes instead of folding them - apparantly it takes up less room (I don't see it) and it's easier to find what you want to wear (i see it).
Depending on your destination and how far you're going (usually my trips on the plane are 10 hours +, going from Vancouver to somewhere in Asia or Europe), a myriad of clothing is helpful if you don't intend to "buy as you go."
As for packing for the plane ride itself, that also depends largely on how far you're going.
On short distance trips (to the US or the other side of Canada) i rarely bring anything on board with me, save for some entertainment and snacks. There's usually on flight entertainment anyway, so no need to make your carry-ons heavier than it needs to be.
On longer flights (seeing that most of mine are so many hours on end), carry-ons tend to, of course, need more things. Generally i pack a small change of clothes, usually my PJ's, for the plane, so i can be comfortable on and presentable off, along with a small fleece blanket, and of course, lots and lots of sweets to eat when you're bored or taking off (I'm prone to ear pain).
I tend to fly at night for longer trips, so i don't need to bring a lot of entertainment - usually i bring my laptop (for a diary), my phone (for use once i get there or to download movies on before boarding), and my 3DS (i cheat and download some walkthroughs in case i get stuck).
But aside from that i usually sleep 5+ hours on the plane so all's good.
A few things i recommend bringing on your carry-on whether or not your flight is long…
- Earplugs (babies and children and just the plane noises can be annoying, and these will drown out the sounds and make it easier to relax. alternatively, earphones or earbuds work, if they're noise cancelling)
- Snacks (This is highly optional but i eat when i'm bored and plane rides can often be boring, especially if yours is during the daytime or if they're only a couple of hours long. Sucking on hard candy can also ease ear pain when ascending or descending)
- Baby wipes (for any spills or sticky hands, and can also be used for freshening up before leaving the plane)
For the carry-on itself i've always preferred backpacks due to their easy mobility. roller carriages are also alright for me but not preferred, since i can handle wearing it on my back just as easily. Generally they also don't provide that much extra space anyhow, but it really depends on what you intend to do with it.
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At the Airport and Security
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It's generally recommended that you get to the airport about 2-3 hours before departure and i personally find that just perfect.
Many don't like the airport because of the hustle and bustle but that's the very thing i find attractive about it. that, and, perhaps as a younger traveller and i'm naive - seeing that i experience zero stress at airports since it's always already taken care of.
I travel at night for long hauls, so the place is peaceful on top of that. It's a relaxing stroll. but during the day it is busy and lively and it's also entertaining to people-watch. Regardless, i have a lot of fun.
Arriving early can seem boring but it helps with the stress - check in early, and once inside the airport itself, doing some browsing or shopping is simple and easy and stress-free. Usually there are also lounges to sit in or duty-free things to buy, or restaurants to have some tea in, so the things you can do at an airport is limitless.
Have a midday drink, if you will.
The airport's the only place that won't judge you for drinking at 4 in the afternoon, if any.
Once you've worn yourself out just head to your boarding area to sit down and relax. Usuaully there are free drinks so why not help yourself to one of those? (except i always find that it tastes like sh*t).
That aside, i always take the time at the airport to buy a small lunch (usually a Subway) to bring onto the plane with me, since you know what? Airplane food SUCKS. and with my allergies i can't eat most of it anyway.
Now, before actually getting in you'll have to go through security - and that's actually one of my favourite things to do. It's exciting for me, although it can be mundane and boring and irritating for many others. Just choose the fastest line and go, go, go!
I always try to wear comfortable easy on easy off shoes, such as flip flops or Keds. I try to wear simple cotton tops (pullover hoodies with a tank top underneath) so it's easy to pass security and comfortable on the plane. I find that leggings or jeggings (my preferred travelling pants) are also great choices to pass security in, as well as to be comfortable on the plane in.
Just remember all your things. I've had to run back and fetch something i've forgotten before, and that really adds to the stress of the entire experience.
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Boarding
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Boarding is one of my favourite parts. You look through the window and see them getting the plane ready - it's almost time to go! The excitement is always there no matter how many times we've been through it. Every time is different.
It's good to board early if applicable - if travelling with family of course you get to. And if you're travelling with a friend with a small child or if you strike up a conversation with a mother and her young children, you can also ask to board with them.
This makes it easier and less stressful to find your seat - so that you're not holding up and entire line of people if you need to backtrack, or if you're sensitive about accidently bumping people while manuvering past them.
Me, i like to get on with the regular crowd, or even last, if i can. I'm already going to be spending 12 hours straight on a plane, no need to lengthen that time period.
Just have your tickets ready and eyes peeled, this really should be the easiest part of the entire flight.
Oh, and, be sure to touch the outside of the plane before boarding.
It's good luck.
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Settling In and Seats
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Airplane seats are TINNNNY, unless you're in business class or first class but let's face it - if you're reading this, you're probably in coach like me. Crammed in like sardines in a can. Yup. Pleasant. Yum.
That being said, some seats are better than others, and those usually being the bulkhead and the emergency exit row. And of course, not having the area in the middle is usually good.
Seeing that i usually travel with others, whether it be family or a friend (or heck, my class), i usually wind up in either the window seat or the aisle seat. (it's probably the plane, the fact that it's smaller - but there's no middle seat where i go, just as well, anyway).
My preferences are actually the window or aisle, too, just as well. And i don't like the bulkhead either.
Getting on for me is personal - i know my tastes are often not for other people, so there's my disclaimer.
Remember me saying i use a backpack as my carry-on? Well, that's because i don't put it in the overhead compartment, noooo, i like to put it at my feet. And i know, i know, the flight attendants say, "don't do that!" and i just throw the blanket over it to make it look like a blanket clump on the ground.
It's easier to access your things that way, don't blame me.
Now, plane seats are uncomfortable, i know that. So here's a few things that i do to help me settle in, and will hopefully help you settle in as well.
Personally, i have three default positions when sitting on a plane, and all are quite comfortable, if you don't mind looking like a total jackass. (because let's face it - majority of people just sit normally, maybe reclining. I don't do that. but heck, i don't think normal exists).
- Cross legged. (granted, this only works if you are with family or a friend and don't mind looking like "that passenger" but it's surprisingly comfortable, especially if they let you lift the arm rest. Even if they don't, that's still fine. Just try not to take over someone else's space, cause that's not polite. Try not to do this if you're with a stranger - most of the time they won't appreciate it. I've done it before and they didn't mind but hey, i lucked out.)
- Slouching. (this one's my favourite and it gives you the most room. I put the pillow behind my back to support it, and slide my butt to the edge of my seat, propping my feet up in the little pocket that holds flight magazines. it doesn't look the prettiest but if you sit like this, at least you're not kneeing other people in their sides, and usually i can also keep my arms comfortably nestled in the seat without an armrest. ideal if you have a stranger seatmate.)
- Curled up on your side. (This one really only works in the aisle seat or a window seat, i wouldn't try it if you get stuck in the middle. I use one armrest to support my back and the other one to support my legs, so that i'm sitting sideways. This is my ideal sleeping position. This one most likely isn't for everybody - it requires a certain amount of flexibility to sit in this position for a long time. )
Or alternatively…
- Normal. (just like other passengers. It's relatively comfortable too, and you'd look like a normal human being. But personally, my legs cramp up really badly when i sit "normally," hence, all my strange sitting positions. )
What sitting position you use also largely depends on who you are sitting with. When i sit with my family i can sit all splayed out and nobody really cares. We lift the arm rest on occasion as well, especially before we try sleeping. (i always put it back down to sleep since i sleep facing sideways and it keeps me curled up).
Sitting with a friend also works; we both raise the arm rest and sit cross legged, making it a lot more roomy than with an arm rest down.
But no worries - sitting with a stranger isn't all that different; Just make sure not to take over their seat. I still default to the three sitting positions mentioned above when having a stranger seat mate, and they never told me not to do that.
That being said, i usually fly overnight or long haul trips, meaning that yes, you do need to get comfortable, and yes, at one point or another, everybody is sleeping and won't mind what way you are sitting.
just remember to sit up properly and buckle your seat belt when required to, otherwise (at least for me), it's all free game.
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Sleeping
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Sleeping on a flight can easily be one of the hardest ways to sleep, seeing how limited your room is.
I have a habit of falling asleep whenever in a moving car though, so it's a tiny bit easier for me, even without popping those sleeping pills.
What i'd say is, before going to sleep, GO TO THE WASHROOM FIRST. you don't want to get woken up by your bladder.
Aside from that, i like to fall asleep naturally. watch a movie, or listen to music, or heck, play a game (just remember to save frequently - if you fall asleep in a boss battle and die, and you haven't saved, i refuse to be held responsible), until you drift off to sleep.
Usually if your seat is reclined and you have a blanket, it shouldn't be that difficult to sleep for long hours at a time. It makes it all the easier if your seat mate is a friend or family, in which case you might want to negotiate the arm rest position.
I usually wrap my blanket around my shoulders and fall asleep that way, but that's just me. I've always preferring wearing my blanket cape-style than draped over my body the regular way. If you curl up sleeping the way i do, it's best to take the window seat, so if you fall back you have somewhere to put your head.
It still works in the aisle seat but just be certain to keep your body weight forward, towards your legs, because if you're jarred and fall back… Owch.
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Eating
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Eating is an essential thing on a long haul flight, and usually not a problem on the shorter ones. (hello packet of almonds!)
But since i usually take long flights, I usually bring my own food on. Whether it's a Subway i purchased before the flight, or a Mister Noodle that i can ask them to put boiling water in, or just some bread or sweets that i've prepared, whatever it is, will usually be better than the airplane food.
Now, i have allergies. I usually order a fruit meal because of that.
But most of the time the fruit will contain a fruit i can't eat, and if they're not careful how they arrange the fruit, i just can't eat the entire platter. Oh, and, the snack sucks. A piece of cake, really? (i usually give it away or mash it up for fun, either ore).
Of course i've had good meals before, of which i am eternally grateful for.
But it's really just easier to bring your own sh*t on the plane. i bet you a bowl of instant noodles will taste better than whatever they give you in coach. slurp it down, enjoy the deliciousness.
Personally i don't like getting woken up for meals. If i'm sleeping, let the sleeping girl lie.
That's when family or friends are good; they can accept your meal for you (or even eat if for you, if you're comatose and won't wake till landing).
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Landing
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One of the most exciting parts of a long plane ride - landing! you see as your lower through the fluffy clouds, and then wow, you can see! see the mountains, the oceans, the cities… especially the cities! I usually arrive at dawn when it's still dark so to see the city lights lighting up the sky is beautiful, or to see a morning sunrise!
I usually start packing up when there is about an hour and half or an hour before we are going to land.
Go to the washroom and freshen up, change your clothes if you need to. wipe down your face with a wet towel, maybe brush your teeth if you brought a toothbrush. comb your hair. (usually mine gets staticy after sitting in a plane for so long, so i also spray a bit of water or leave in hair conditioner).
I also gather up all the garbage from whatever i'm eating and put them into the puke bag, put my shoes back on, and make sure that everything except what i need immediately, is in my carry-on. (another reason to use a backpack - you don't need to get up and get your stuff out upon landing, it's already with you!)
i usually bring out a huge selection of sweets to eat upon descent - if i don't chew or swallow or eat constantly on the way down, my ears can hurt to high heaven and stay plugged for the next couple of days. NOT pleasant.
After landing, i usually don't prefer to fight my way out of the plane - i patiently wait for a break in the line, grab my bag, and then cut in. no hassle, no need to get anything out of the overhead bin, just simple and easy.
Then thank all the flight attendants for being so helpful (they usually are VERY sweet), and then leave the plane, happy for a great flight.
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Arrival
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This is single handedly the best part. I love seeing what the other airports look like! I love the long flat escalators, i love all the pretty marble floors and bright lights, i love seeing other travellars heading out or going home.
You still have to go through customs and whatnot but that's really no biggie.
you've arrived!
Grabbing the luggage is usually the part i dread though - i'm not good at recognizing my own baggage, since i'm never using the same one. and pulling it off the conveyer is no easy task either. I don't consider myself weak but the suitcase is usually easily half my size, depending on where i'm going or who i'm going with, so it's no easy task to throw it around like small fry.
After getting all the luggage together i usually like to go for a nice breakfast inside the airport, especially if i'm with family. Just head to the food court to find something that suits your palate :)
I usually find that i have a delicate stomach after a long plane journey, so i like eating light the first day or three just in case.
And after a nice breakfast, you've got all your stuff, and it's time to leave and go forth on your amazing journey!
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Well, hope you enjoyed that :)
I'm flying in less than a week's time and i'm super excited to go, i've always loved travelling and i still love airplanes and airports.
I know some of my tips are not useable for everybody but it works well for me and usually i have a great flight.
Leave comments and tips, onegai~! <3
Till Thursday then, my sweets ^_^
~Rere~
The Strange Motel
The year was 2011 in early November, and my class and I had just finished spending a few fun days at a nearby research facility as part of our school program.
It was time to go home.
But first, we had one last treat on our plate - we were going to go to a supermarket, buy some food, and spend the night at a motel, and the next day we were going to go on a cave tour.
We were on Vancouver Island - it was already snowing by then, surprisingly. The snow fell in pretty, silver flakes down from the inky skies, illuminated in the dark night.
Stopping at a local Safeway, everyone scrambled out with their allotted spending money to buy ingredients for dinner that night, and breakfast and lunch the following day, as according to their roommates.
Me and Mango were together in a room with three other girls, who will go by the name of Mizu, Minnie, and Roly.
We went our separate ways - me and Mango knowing that i had secretly brought along several packets of Mr. Noodles, so we went snack-shopping for breakfast and lunch; what Mango bought i no longer remember, but i remember getting a sports drink for breakfast and a Lunchable for lunch, and of course, lots of sweets ;)
Mizu, Minnie, and Roly went their own way to get their own foods.
We met up back on our schoolbus and we sped off towards the motel we were going to stay at for the night, and we received our room number eagerly and went scrampering off to find it.
Now, it wasn't a bad motel - a little bit run down, a little bit dark, not what i'm used to. The building appeared to be arranged in a squarish U-shape, and we were on the second floor. There was a balcony.
The teachers told us that aside from a couple, the manager informed them that there was nobody else staying the night, but regardless, to keep quiet and be respectful. (not that we couldn't be - the schoolteachers were known for taping the students' door to make sure there are no secret midnight expeditions that will bring harm to the school's reputation. #rollseyes )
Anyway, Mango, Mizu, Minnie, Roly and I went to our room, creaking open the door and peeking in.
It wasn't a bad room in general.
It was a drab colour and the lighting was dark. There were two beds, a TV, a mirror, a small bathroom, and a kitchen as well, so we couldn't really complain.
Known for being both paranoid and a huge scaredy cat, the room made me uncomfortable, but i knew that it'd be okay.
My friends were there.
I could at least take a quick shower and sleep a few hours. (at the time i still had insomnia so it was difficult to fall asleep and i'd often wake up in the middle of the night).
As due to group fear we turned the TV around and put the mirror on the floor, negotiating that Roly would sleep on the ground while Mango and I, and Mizu and Minnie, would share the beds.
Eventually as we settled down and prepared to cook dinner, the teachers came knocking on the door and asked us to switch rooms with the boys next door, since there were two of them and five of us.
We agreed eagerly (a bigger room!) and set out to the next room.
And indeed, it was bigger - there was a main room, wide open space, a small closet area, a small bathroom, and even another bedroom. two TV's this time instead of one, and another mirror on the wall.
The same drab colours and dark lighting greeted us.
My roommates seemed glad to get a new, bigger room, but a chill ran through me.
I didn't like this room.
I'm not sure if it was the wide open space or the room itself, but i felt uneasy even standing on the other side of the threshold. I didn't want to go in.
But regardless, i had to.
I smiled uneasily at my friends who stopped to see what was wrong with me, and followed them in.
The teachers closed the door behind us, with a slam that made me jump, and then we quickly settled, putting our suitcases down, and pulling out all the ingredients we needed for dinner.
Casual conversation commences - all the average girl talk, about dinner, about boys, about school.
Although we are all sitting in the sitting area with Mizu and Minnie making dinner (Roly went to take a shower, Mango and I were just sitting there), i still had the same uneasy feeling.
Somewhere along the line, me and Mango (although primarily me) became really paranoid, so we took the mirror off the wall, and put it on the ground. and then we wheeled the TV into the other room. and we flipped all the chairs so that they were facedown on the ground.
Mind you, this was right before bedtime.
And then for reasons unknown, Roly decides to whine at Mango to sleep in the other room with her, so i'm in the outer room by myself, in my own bed. (of course, Mizu and Minnie were there too, but they were sharing a bed).
by this point i knew i wasn't getting a wink of sleep that night.
(and for the matter, Roly coercing Mango into sharing with her seemed to backfire in the long run. Awhile back Mango rolled her eyes and condescendingly talked about 'that time that she bunked with Roly')
Anyway, we flick the lights off (with the exception of the one in the bathroom) and i borrow a phone charger from Mizu, since i know i won't be sleeping and there is surprisingly WiFi.
Everyone cuddles up, and go to sleep.
The room is plunged into silence and darkness, save for the sound of me rolling around, unable to sleep, and the glow of my iPod screen.
Late into the night (around 1:30), i start blinking off, exhausted, the week's worth of exploring, fangirling, and physical activity finally catch up to me. But my imagination is going wild, and i'm starting to hallucinate (or strongly imagine) dark shapes in the room, shadows flitting across the walls, so i can't sleep.
I painfully nap in intervals of "sleep 2 minutes" and "wake 5 minutes," all while being fearful that if i turned my head the wrong way a face would appear at the side of my bed.
Time passes painfully slowly, and sometime at 3:00, as i am finally, finally, drifting off to sleep, i hear footsteps outside my bedroom door.
I wake up, eyes wide, and look towards the source of the footsteps, but since the curtains are drawn shut, i cannot see who is making all those irritating sounds.
The footsteps escalate into the sounds of a lot of people running past my window, continuously, not stopping.
I'm tempted to open the window curtains to see who is disturbing us, but clearly it isn't loud enough to wake up my roommates, and besides, i was scared of seeing something i didn't want to see. There wasn't anyone at the motel, we were told. so who could it be? not our students, at least i didn't think so - the school would be mad if it were.
The footsteps show no sign of letting up, so i just try to ignore them. Slowly, they fade away as i fade into unconciousness.
I'm woken up again by the same sound of footsteps, this time seeming to run in the opposite direction.
I ignore it.
Sleep for a few minutes.
The next time i get up, i look blearily at my iPod. it's 4:30.
I decided that i'll play games on my iPod until 5:00, then i'm waking up, and do so.
next morning we get dressed, no one seems to notice anything amiss. we pack our things and eat our breakfast, casual conversation once again littering the air, and then we finally open the door to a blanket of fresh, fluffy snow, and pick our way down to our meeting spot.
(lucky i wore boots - no wet socks for me!)
Mango and i return to our usual seating (together), Mizu and Minnie go their ways, and Roly sits near Mango and me.
Nobody said anything more of that motel.
Seems that i was the only one as freaked out as i was.
To date, i'm still scared thinking of it.
It may not seem like much when talking of it, but in that moment, i was scared out of my wits.
Who was making those sounds? why?
Was the entire night's fears a byproduct of our telling scary stories to each other, or would it have happened even if it didn't?
Maybe it was just that my nerves were still riled up from the previous night - seeing that i had run screaming through the forest with Mango on my arm, to get to our cabin. Slamming through the doors to barrel into Ke. (one of my many past and current crushes).
Mango said it was the thrill of the situation - that i wanted to be rescued by Ke. (i agree but nonetheless)
But i say that no, that's not it.
It was …
just a very strange motel experience.
Hi all! So it's Tuesday and here's my post! <3
I was talking about ghosts and reading horror stories last night and i thought to share this one. It's not as cohesive as a lot of other stories i have of creepy encounters, but it was the most baffling.
I hope you enjoyed it - I'll probably have more of these up in the future :)
I do love scary things, after all, especially scary stories! whoo! <3
So stay with me, onegai~! <3
~DoReMi~
It was time to go home.
But first, we had one last treat on our plate - we were going to go to a supermarket, buy some food, and spend the night at a motel, and the next day we were going to go on a cave tour.
We were on Vancouver Island - it was already snowing by then, surprisingly. The snow fell in pretty, silver flakes down from the inky skies, illuminated in the dark night.
Stopping at a local Safeway, everyone scrambled out with their allotted spending money to buy ingredients for dinner that night, and breakfast and lunch the following day, as according to their roommates.
Me and Mango were together in a room with three other girls, who will go by the name of Mizu, Minnie, and Roly.
We went our separate ways - me and Mango knowing that i had secretly brought along several packets of Mr. Noodles, so we went snack-shopping for breakfast and lunch; what Mango bought i no longer remember, but i remember getting a sports drink for breakfast and a Lunchable for lunch, and of course, lots of sweets ;)
Mizu, Minnie, and Roly went their own way to get their own foods.
We met up back on our schoolbus and we sped off towards the motel we were going to stay at for the night, and we received our room number eagerly and went scrampering off to find it.
Now, it wasn't a bad motel - a little bit run down, a little bit dark, not what i'm used to. The building appeared to be arranged in a squarish U-shape, and we were on the second floor. There was a balcony.
The teachers told us that aside from a couple, the manager informed them that there was nobody else staying the night, but regardless, to keep quiet and be respectful. (not that we couldn't be - the schoolteachers were known for taping the students' door to make sure there are no secret midnight expeditions that will bring harm to the school's reputation. #rollseyes )
Anyway, Mango, Mizu, Minnie, Roly and I went to our room, creaking open the door and peeking in.
It wasn't a bad room in general.
It was a drab colour and the lighting was dark. There were two beds, a TV, a mirror, a small bathroom, and a kitchen as well, so we couldn't really complain.
Known for being both paranoid and a huge scaredy cat, the room made me uncomfortable, but i knew that it'd be okay.
My friends were there.
I could at least take a quick shower and sleep a few hours. (at the time i still had insomnia so it was difficult to fall asleep and i'd often wake up in the middle of the night).
As due to group fear we turned the TV around and put the mirror on the floor, negotiating that Roly would sleep on the ground while Mango and I, and Mizu and Minnie, would share the beds.
Eventually as we settled down and prepared to cook dinner, the teachers came knocking on the door and asked us to switch rooms with the boys next door, since there were two of them and five of us.
We agreed eagerly (a bigger room!) and set out to the next room.
And indeed, it was bigger - there was a main room, wide open space, a small closet area, a small bathroom, and even another bedroom. two TV's this time instead of one, and another mirror on the wall.
The same drab colours and dark lighting greeted us.
My roommates seemed glad to get a new, bigger room, but a chill ran through me.
I didn't like this room.
I'm not sure if it was the wide open space or the room itself, but i felt uneasy even standing on the other side of the threshold. I didn't want to go in.
But regardless, i had to.
I smiled uneasily at my friends who stopped to see what was wrong with me, and followed them in.
The teachers closed the door behind us, with a slam that made me jump, and then we quickly settled, putting our suitcases down, and pulling out all the ingredients we needed for dinner.
Casual conversation commences - all the average girl talk, about dinner, about boys, about school.
Although we are all sitting in the sitting area with Mizu and Minnie making dinner (Roly went to take a shower, Mango and I were just sitting there), i still had the same uneasy feeling.
Somewhere along the line, me and Mango (although primarily me) became really paranoid, so we took the mirror off the wall, and put it on the ground. and then we wheeled the TV into the other room. and we flipped all the chairs so that they were facedown on the ground.
Mind you, this was right before bedtime.
And then for reasons unknown, Roly decides to whine at Mango to sleep in the other room with her, so i'm in the outer room by myself, in my own bed. (of course, Mizu and Minnie were there too, but they were sharing a bed).
by this point i knew i wasn't getting a wink of sleep that night.
(and for the matter, Roly coercing Mango into sharing with her seemed to backfire in the long run. Awhile back Mango rolled her eyes and condescendingly talked about 'that time that she bunked with Roly')
Anyway, we flick the lights off (with the exception of the one in the bathroom) and i borrow a phone charger from Mizu, since i know i won't be sleeping and there is surprisingly WiFi.
Everyone cuddles up, and go to sleep.
The room is plunged into silence and darkness, save for the sound of me rolling around, unable to sleep, and the glow of my iPod screen.
Late into the night (around 1:30), i start blinking off, exhausted, the week's worth of exploring, fangirling, and physical activity finally catch up to me. But my imagination is going wild, and i'm starting to hallucinate (or strongly imagine) dark shapes in the room, shadows flitting across the walls, so i can't sleep.
I painfully nap in intervals of "sleep 2 minutes" and "wake 5 minutes," all while being fearful that if i turned my head the wrong way a face would appear at the side of my bed.
Time passes painfully slowly, and sometime at 3:00, as i am finally, finally, drifting off to sleep, i hear footsteps outside my bedroom door.
I wake up, eyes wide, and look towards the source of the footsteps, but since the curtains are drawn shut, i cannot see who is making all those irritating sounds.
The footsteps escalate into the sounds of a lot of people running past my window, continuously, not stopping.
I'm tempted to open the window curtains to see who is disturbing us, but clearly it isn't loud enough to wake up my roommates, and besides, i was scared of seeing something i didn't want to see. There wasn't anyone at the motel, we were told. so who could it be? not our students, at least i didn't think so - the school would be mad if it were.
The footsteps show no sign of letting up, so i just try to ignore them. Slowly, they fade away as i fade into unconciousness.
I'm woken up again by the same sound of footsteps, this time seeming to run in the opposite direction.
I ignore it.
Sleep for a few minutes.
The next time i get up, i look blearily at my iPod. it's 4:30.
I decided that i'll play games on my iPod until 5:00, then i'm waking up, and do so.
next morning we get dressed, no one seems to notice anything amiss. we pack our things and eat our breakfast, casual conversation once again littering the air, and then we finally open the door to a blanket of fresh, fluffy snow, and pick our way down to our meeting spot.
(lucky i wore boots - no wet socks for me!)
Mango and i return to our usual seating (together), Mizu and Minnie go their ways, and Roly sits near Mango and me.
Nobody said anything more of that motel.
Seems that i was the only one as freaked out as i was.
To date, i'm still scared thinking of it.
It may not seem like much when talking of it, but in that moment, i was scared out of my wits.
Who was making those sounds? why?
Was the entire night's fears a byproduct of our telling scary stories to each other, or would it have happened even if it didn't?
Maybe it was just that my nerves were still riled up from the previous night - seeing that i had run screaming through the forest with Mango on my arm, to get to our cabin. Slamming through the doors to barrel into Ke. (one of my many past and current crushes).
Mango said it was the thrill of the situation - that i wanted to be rescued by Ke. (i agree but nonetheless)
But i say that no, that's not it.
It was …
just a very strange motel experience.
Hi all! So it's Tuesday and here's my post! <3
I was talking about ghosts and reading horror stories last night and i thought to share this one. It's not as cohesive as a lot of other stories i have of creepy encounters, but it was the most baffling.
I hope you enjoyed it - I'll probably have more of these up in the future :)
I do love scary things, after all, especially scary stories! whoo! <3
So stay with me, onegai~! <3
~DoReMi~
Monday 30 June 2014
EXIT - Real Life Escape the Room Adventure!
Hi ya'll!
So i promised to update on Thursday which never happened and now it's already Monday (my apologies. It wasn't a legit reason this time but i guess i can say that i got sidetracked…?)
So anyway, today i went for a nice day out with one of my maybe-besties! (maybe for reasons seen below; when she's not being bitchy and clingy she's a fabulous person but when she is i'm just done)
It started out early morning with the movie "The Breakup Guru" which is surprisingly funny and pleasant. I've gotta commend that girl on her taste in movies. I liked it very, very much.
We shared a large fries, Sour Patch Kids, a large Sprite, and then off we went afterwards, clomping to the bus stop to get to our next destination.
(Did i mention we ran into a classmate of ours? She recognized me before i recognized her, shame on me!)
So we made our way to a nearby mall since our appointment wasn't until late afternoon.
Sitting in the food court and eating, we talked about university and courses, and a bit about our past.
I mentioned that i'd like first year university to be full of firsts (as promised by its name~!) to her;
Me: "first hand holding, first hug, first kiss, first cuddle…first no pants dance ;D"
Her: "Aw i want that too!"
Me: "…you can always get amnesia."
Her: "List some things that can be firsts for me?"
Me: "…open mouth kiss?"
Her: (shakes head) "I'll count silently in my heart."
Me: "…on a tree?"
Her: "WHAT?"
Me: "on a boat?"
Her: "…"
Me: "on a rock? on a dock?"
Her: "…"
Me: "On a drying machine? while running and screaming? facing a wall? hanging from a tree? while he whips you?"
Her: "….I never understood why some people like whipping others while doing the dirty."
Me: "That's like asking why we purposely make video game characters die or attack their own party members. Because it's amusing."
Her: "oh, you're evil."
Me: (smirks)
Soonafter we made our way to Exit, but we bypassed it and got lost, so we asked two other teenagers in the area how to get there, and it turns out they were going there too!
So we followed them.
Once there, we had to pay and put our things aside. Then sign our names and listen to them tell us the rules.
(Dont' move anything, listen to instructions, don't use violence, don't touch the corpse, et al et al et al)
And then we had to put some blindfolds on and stand in a line.
So we stood in a line and the two others seemed to be okay but me and Mango were panicking because there's just something freaky about not being able to see while being lead through many twists and bends with ominous music blasting in our ears.
At once point we stopped and then the staff had to separate us. Blindfolds still on at this point.
All i heard was "step over, sit down."
And then the staff came to get me and Mango, and we were both clinging to each other and squealing.
Him: "you need to let go of each other."
Us: "ARGHGHGSKNDGKSNGNS"
So he leads Mango in first, sits her down, tells her to scoot to the far right. Then puts me in, sits me down, and then something clangs close.
I reach out instantly for Mango, pitifully, "where are yooou?"
We grasp hands and i draw my legs up, knowing there's a corpse in the room (a prop, mind you, not a real one) and she notices me shifting so she pulls her legs up too, and we're clinging to each other whimpering loudly and i'm sure it was a sight for sore eyes XD
Then we're told we can remove our blindfolds and i do so, at first confused why i can't see anything.
(because oh yeah! My glasses were not on my face. genius.)
I put on my glasses and we hand back the blindfolds. We are given two clue cards and then he leaves.
Now at this point i look around. There's two light sticks, one for each pair.
We're all stuck in a tiny jail cell.
We start off needing to find the way to unlock the door, which takes quite a while.
But we do.
Then we scramble outside and eventually figure our way out of the first room and into the second, where we begin rifling through everything but time was ticking and we knew that we really had no chance of getting out at this point.
Mango at this point finds a pair of functional handcuffs.
Her: (tries to put it on me, but can't)
Her: "you're too fat."
Me: "…I'm wearing a jacket." (pulls up sleeve)
Her: (clicks it on) "oh!" (clicks it onto herself)
Me: "….."
Her: "….."
Her: (starts walking to the other room and i'm forced to follow since we're connected)
Me: (starts walking back to the room we were in and she's forced to follow because we're connected)
Other Girls: "you handcuffed yourselves to each other?"
Us: (proudly) "yup."
Her: (unclicks it off her wrist) "hold still."
Me: "…What?"
Her: "I want to handcuff you to this table."
Me: "What?! No!"
Her: (struggling to attach the cuff to the desk)
Me: (squirming and struggling with the cuff) "Noooooo i don't want to i'm scaaaaared"
Me: (suddenly yanks myself free)
Me: "…."
Her: "…."
Us: "…."
Evnetually thought we don't really get anywhere and time runs out, and we're told to line up once more.
Blindfolds are given back to us and this time i'm determined to see what the last room looks like, so i leavce a tiny bit of space at the bottom of the blindfold and as we pass i keep my head up to see.
And truly, there was only one room left.
But i won't mention what was in there ;)
Then we are allowed to take pictures with FAIL signs and we bid the other girls goodbye, and then leave.
We walk together towards the busstop and talk about university and how we intend to come back to Exit and finish what we started.
---------
Some time passes
---------
Her: "i want to do a real life Jigsaw experience."
Me: "in which you are actually killed?"
Her: "….no….?"
Me: "I saw the hesitation."
Us: "…."
Her: "like with devices and everything."
Me: "If you wanted that you could just post an ad on Craigslist and end up in someone's basement…"
Her: "…well i dont mean it THAT way."
Me: "…pfffwahahahahaha"
Her: "we should get together again and do fun stuff during Frosh week."
Me: "Frosh week is just an acronym for Fuck Everybody Week."
Her: "you're on fire today."
Me: (batting at my hair) "oh, i thought you meant literally."
----
My Mom's Opinion of Exit
----
Her: "If you're paying someone 25$ to throw you in a locked room, i'll gladly take that money and lock you in the house."
Overrall, very fun day. Had lots of interesting conversations and interesting new experiences ^_^
Can't wait to experience this sort of fun again near Halloween. (maybe?)
Mother Statement: "why you insist on scaring yourself silly i'll never understand."
I say that's all part of the fun. Yeah we get scared but it's a good scare! that's why we watch horror movies, go to haunted houses, and everything in between :)
And i'd say that just a few days made a difference.
We've graduated.
We're grown up now.
And i think it shows. :3
Welcome to the new world ;D
~DoReMi~
So i promised to update on Thursday which never happened and now it's already Monday (my apologies. It wasn't a legit reason this time but i guess i can say that i got sidetracked…?)
So anyway, today i went for a nice day out with one of my maybe-besties! (maybe for reasons seen below; when she's not being bitchy and clingy she's a fabulous person but when she is i'm just done)
It started out early morning with the movie "The Breakup Guru" which is surprisingly funny and pleasant. I've gotta commend that girl on her taste in movies. I liked it very, very much.
We shared a large fries, Sour Patch Kids, a large Sprite, and then off we went afterwards, clomping to the bus stop to get to our next destination.
(Did i mention we ran into a classmate of ours? She recognized me before i recognized her, shame on me!)
So we made our way to a nearby mall since our appointment wasn't until late afternoon.
Sitting in the food court and eating, we talked about university and courses, and a bit about our past.
I mentioned that i'd like first year university to be full of firsts (as promised by its name~!) to her;
Me: "first hand holding, first hug, first kiss, first cuddle…first no pants dance ;D"
Her: "Aw i want that too!"
Me: "…you can always get amnesia."
Her: "List some things that can be firsts for me?"
Me: "…open mouth kiss?"
Her: (shakes head) "I'll count silently in my heart."
Me: "…on a tree?"
Her: "WHAT?"
Me: "on a boat?"
Her: "…"
Me: "on a rock? on a dock?"
Her: "…"
Me: "On a drying machine? while running and screaming? facing a wall? hanging from a tree? while he whips you?"
Her: "….I never understood why some people like whipping others while doing the dirty."
Me: "That's like asking why we purposely make video game characters die or attack their own party members. Because it's amusing."
Her: "oh, you're evil."
Me: (smirks)
Soonafter we made our way to Exit, but we bypassed it and got lost, so we asked two other teenagers in the area how to get there, and it turns out they were going there too!
So we followed them.
Once there, we had to pay and put our things aside. Then sign our names and listen to them tell us the rules.
(Dont' move anything, listen to instructions, don't use violence, don't touch the corpse, et al et al et al)
And then we had to put some blindfolds on and stand in a line.
So we stood in a line and the two others seemed to be okay but me and Mango were panicking because there's just something freaky about not being able to see while being lead through many twists and bends with ominous music blasting in our ears.
At once point we stopped and then the staff had to separate us. Blindfolds still on at this point.
All i heard was "step over, sit down."
And then the staff came to get me and Mango, and we were both clinging to each other and squealing.
Him: "you need to let go of each other."
Us: "ARGHGHGSKNDGKSNGNS"
So he leads Mango in first, sits her down, tells her to scoot to the far right. Then puts me in, sits me down, and then something clangs close.
I reach out instantly for Mango, pitifully, "where are yooou?"
We grasp hands and i draw my legs up, knowing there's a corpse in the room (a prop, mind you, not a real one) and she notices me shifting so she pulls her legs up too, and we're clinging to each other whimpering loudly and i'm sure it was a sight for sore eyes XD
Then we're told we can remove our blindfolds and i do so, at first confused why i can't see anything.
(because oh yeah! My glasses were not on my face. genius.)
I put on my glasses and we hand back the blindfolds. We are given two clue cards and then he leaves.
Now at this point i look around. There's two light sticks, one for each pair.
We're all stuck in a tiny jail cell.
We start off needing to find the way to unlock the door, which takes quite a while.
But we do.
Then we scramble outside and eventually figure our way out of the first room and into the second, where we begin rifling through everything but time was ticking and we knew that we really had no chance of getting out at this point.
Mango at this point finds a pair of functional handcuffs.
Her: (tries to put it on me, but can't)
Her: "you're too fat."
Me: "…I'm wearing a jacket." (pulls up sleeve)
Her: (clicks it on) "oh!" (clicks it onto herself)
Me: "….."
Her: "….."
Her: (starts walking to the other room and i'm forced to follow since we're connected)
Me: (starts walking back to the room we were in and she's forced to follow because we're connected)
Other Girls: "you handcuffed yourselves to each other?"
Us: (proudly) "yup."
Her: (unclicks it off her wrist) "hold still."
Me: "…What?"
Her: "I want to handcuff you to this table."
Me: "What?! No!"
Her: (struggling to attach the cuff to the desk)
Me: (squirming and struggling with the cuff) "Noooooo i don't want to i'm scaaaaared"
Me: (suddenly yanks myself free)
Me: "…."
Her: "…."
Us: "…."
Evnetually thought we don't really get anywhere and time runs out, and we're told to line up once more.
Blindfolds are given back to us and this time i'm determined to see what the last room looks like, so i leavce a tiny bit of space at the bottom of the blindfold and as we pass i keep my head up to see.
And truly, there was only one room left.
But i won't mention what was in there ;)
Then we are allowed to take pictures with FAIL signs and we bid the other girls goodbye, and then leave.
We walk together towards the busstop and talk about university and how we intend to come back to Exit and finish what we started.
---------
Some time passes
---------
Her: "i want to do a real life Jigsaw experience."
Me: "in which you are actually killed?"
Her: "….no….?"
Me: "I saw the hesitation."
Us: "…."
Her: "like with devices and everything."
Me: "If you wanted that you could just post an ad on Craigslist and end up in someone's basement…"
Her: "…well i dont mean it THAT way."
Me: "…pfffwahahahahaha"
Her: "we should get together again and do fun stuff during Frosh week."
Me: "Frosh week is just an acronym for Fuck Everybody Week."
Her: "you're on fire today."
Me: (batting at my hair) "oh, i thought you meant literally."
----
My Mom's Opinion of Exit
----
Her: "If you're paying someone 25$ to throw you in a locked room, i'll gladly take that money and lock you in the house."
Overrall, very fun day. Had lots of interesting conversations and interesting new experiences ^_^
Can't wait to experience this sort of fun again near Halloween. (maybe?)
Mother Statement: "why you insist on scaring yourself silly i'll never understand."
I say that's all part of the fun. Yeah we get scared but it's a good scare! that's why we watch horror movies, go to haunted houses, and everything in between :)
And i'd say that just a few days made a difference.
We've graduated.
We're grown up now.
And i think it shows. :3
Welcome to the new world ;D
~DoReMi~
Tuesday 24 June 2014
I Don't Like Breakfast
Soooo… It's Tuesday!
I think i said i'd update on Tuesdays and Thursdays right? I could be wrong.
Today, for the first time in the entire summer, i actually got up early!!! Which is actually not that early, just 9:30, because usually i sleep until 12:00.
I wanted to eat breakfast with my Mum today.
So i rolled out of bed and we go downstairs to eat with the family, and i come to realise that breakfast is the most ANNOYING meal of the day.
Like, with breakfasts on school days at least, i get to eat yummy foods like rice noodles or whatever left over for what i have packed for lunch,
but with everyone else breakfast is a DISASTER.
Everyone on the table falls either under the category of "I don't like it" or "I can't eat it" which does me no wonders.
Back a long time ago, in grade school, when we went to camp we'd all eat together in the Lodge for breakfast, and naturally they were all yummy foods, fruit salads and basics like scrambled eggs and bacon and cereal and sausage and stuff.
Today i'd at least eat maybe a strip or two of bacon and have a sausage (the last full camp i went on, breakfast = two mini sausages and a juice packet) but back then, i HATED meat.
like, i'd go to McDonalds and order a cheeseburger, but "ONLY CHEESE AND KETCHUP PLEASE"
So basically for breakfast i'd have the fruit salad (if it didn't contain fruits that i am allergic to) and cereal with syrup instead of milk since i hated milk. …I also hated cereal, but sometimes you just gotta fill your belly, even if you're eating strange things.
Needless to say, i've never finished a bowl during camp.
Oh yeah, and there was toast. but i hate how bread tastes so i didn't eat that.
And at home it's no different,
blueberry bagles, muffins, some sort of oat pancake, coffee, avocado smoothie… all staples of the house but i would literally eat none of it, even if i was starving. i'd rather not eat than eat something i don't like. :/
And i remember in France, breakfast every day was basically two spoonfuls of chocolate cereal and a mug of tea. and for the matter, i don't like chocolate, i don't like cereal, and i don't like tea.
The only time breakfasts have been actually good, though, i'd argue, is in Taiwan. because we'd eat this thing called "Shao Bing" and it's REALLY delicious. it basically is like a crepe but less savory and it is flaky and yummy and has sesame seeds on the top but i hate sesame seeds so i don't eat the top.
top that off with syrupy soy milk and Mmmmm <3 that is a delicious breakfast.
Sooo… yeah.
Not the biggest fan of breakfast, tbh.
I can't understand the people that say that'd like to have breakfast for dinner. I'd rather just not have dinner than to put up with breakfast foods.
unless, you know, it's Shao Bing, then i would eat it.
Speaking of, 3 more weeks until we leave. ahhh, that's a long time T_T
~reRe~
I think i said i'd update on Tuesdays and Thursdays right? I could be wrong.
Today, for the first time in the entire summer, i actually got up early!!! Which is actually not that early, just 9:30, because usually i sleep until 12:00.
I wanted to eat breakfast with my Mum today.
So i rolled out of bed and we go downstairs to eat with the family, and i come to realise that breakfast is the most ANNOYING meal of the day.
Like, with breakfasts on school days at least, i get to eat yummy foods like rice noodles or whatever left over for what i have packed for lunch,
but with everyone else breakfast is a DISASTER.
Everyone on the table falls either under the category of "I don't like it" or "I can't eat it" which does me no wonders.
Back a long time ago, in grade school, when we went to camp we'd all eat together in the Lodge for breakfast, and naturally they were all yummy foods, fruit salads and basics like scrambled eggs and bacon and cereal and sausage and stuff.
Today i'd at least eat maybe a strip or two of bacon and have a sausage (the last full camp i went on, breakfast = two mini sausages and a juice packet) but back then, i HATED meat.
like, i'd go to McDonalds and order a cheeseburger, but "ONLY CHEESE AND KETCHUP PLEASE"
So basically for breakfast i'd have the fruit salad (if it didn't contain fruits that i am allergic to) and cereal with syrup instead of milk since i hated milk. …I also hated cereal, but sometimes you just gotta fill your belly, even if you're eating strange things.
Needless to say, i've never finished a bowl during camp.
Oh yeah, and there was toast. but i hate how bread tastes so i didn't eat that.
And at home it's no different,
blueberry bagles, muffins, some sort of oat pancake, coffee, avocado smoothie… all staples of the house but i would literally eat none of it, even if i was starving. i'd rather not eat than eat something i don't like. :/
And i remember in France, breakfast every day was basically two spoonfuls of chocolate cereal and a mug of tea. and for the matter, i don't like chocolate, i don't like cereal, and i don't like tea.
The only time breakfasts have been actually good, though, i'd argue, is in Taiwan. because we'd eat this thing called "Shao Bing" and it's REALLY delicious. it basically is like a crepe but less savory and it is flaky and yummy and has sesame seeds on the top but i hate sesame seeds so i don't eat the top.
top that off with syrupy soy milk and Mmmmm <3 that is a delicious breakfast.
Sooo… yeah.
Not the biggest fan of breakfast, tbh.
I can't understand the people that say that'd like to have breakfast for dinner. I'd rather just not have dinner than to put up with breakfast foods.
unless, you know, it's Shao Bing, then i would eat it.
Speaking of, 3 more weeks until we leave. ahhh, that's a long time T_T
~reRe~
Thursday 19 June 2014
Summer Has Come At Last!
Okaaaaay so it's been a long time since i last updated and also i haven't been sticking to a regular schedule but hey, i'm back, WHOO!
and it's the season we've all been waiting for! Summer! Yay!
Remember how i travelled alone this spring? (sort of alone, not actually?)
Well, we're going back! Yay! :D
The only major difference?
It's summer, summer is hot and humid, i hate hot and humid :D
But i'm glad to be back, truly, even if it's in the dead heat of summer, i'm happy to be seeing my family again, it'll be the highlight of summer, i'm sure :)
Like usual i'll probably need to be dragged back by the feet, but hey, beggars can't be choosers :)
Anyway, no real update or story for ya'll this time, just wanted to hop back online and prove that i'm not like, yanno, dead.
update on the Mango topic… it'll hopefully, probably become a nonissue soon.
That aside..
Happy summer everyone :)
From now until departure, updates will be every Tuesday and Thursday and will be on random topics :P
After departure, updates will be most likely nonexistant until we're back :P
(unless something awesome happens, like that time when i pierced my ears) :)
Alright, that's it for now :P
Happy summerrrrrrrr!!!
~Rena~
and it's the season we've all been waiting for! Summer! Yay!
Remember how i travelled alone this spring? (sort of alone, not actually?)
Well, we're going back! Yay! :D
The only major difference?
It's summer, summer is hot and humid, i hate hot and humid :D
But i'm glad to be back, truly, even if it's in the dead heat of summer, i'm happy to be seeing my family again, it'll be the highlight of summer, i'm sure :)
Like usual i'll probably need to be dragged back by the feet, but hey, beggars can't be choosers :)
Anyway, no real update or story for ya'll this time, just wanted to hop back online and prove that i'm not like, yanno, dead.
update on the Mango topic… it'll hopefully, probably become a nonissue soon.
That aside..
Happy summer everyone :)
From now until departure, updates will be every Tuesday and Thursday and will be on random topics :P
After departure, updates will be most likely nonexistant until we're back :P
(unless something awesome happens, like that time when i pierced my ears) :)
Alright, that's it for now :P
Happy summerrrrrrrr!!!
~Rena~
Saturday 31 May 2014
5 Hilarious Bad Ideas I Learned Today
Hi all~!
I haven't been posting anything but whiny, complaining posts lately so i thought that i might as well post something that's a bit more positive today!
So without further ado, here are 5 strange, hilarious, bad-idea things that i learned today!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
1) it's probably a bad idea to take a play tube (those tunnels kids crawl around in) and wear it while dancing around screaming "I'm a tube! I'm a dancing tube!" while going downstairs to show your family, 'cause inevitably you will trip and fall and everyone will laugh.
2) not a good idea to laugh hysterically when someone holds a watercup to your face after you've fallen cause 'you look thirsty' cause the water will no doubt spill on your face and said family member will be irked that they tried to be helpful and you couldn't stop laughing for two seconds to properly drink water.
3) it's best not to stand about idly while someone cleans the tub for you since they were kind enough to let you take a bath instead of a shower when it's already so late at night (and the water costs!) you best not stand there and talk while they scrub the tubby tub tub.
4) one should not sit in a running tub while being distracted by her iPod because the water's running and hot and eventually when you come to your mind you will realize that you're sitting in scalding water and jump out of the tub sloshing water everywhere and screaming your bloody lungs out.
5) not a good idea to leave decorative metal items on an electric hot compress since you will definitely forget you left them there and the next time you hop onto the compress… owch. 0.0
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
i hope that you got a good laugh out of that, as i did~! ^_^
i'll be sure to post more positive and regular entries soon, like, this summer soon~ but for now there's been a lot going on IRL and i dont have a lot of time to write~
Arigatou, everyone, for staying so long, heehee~! <3
~Re~
I haven't been posting anything but whiny, complaining posts lately so i thought that i might as well post something that's a bit more positive today!
So without further ado, here are 5 strange, hilarious, bad-idea things that i learned today!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
1) it's probably a bad idea to take a play tube (those tunnels kids crawl around in) and wear it while dancing around screaming "I'm a tube! I'm a dancing tube!" while going downstairs to show your family, 'cause inevitably you will trip and fall and everyone will laugh.
2) not a good idea to laugh hysterically when someone holds a watercup to your face after you've fallen cause 'you look thirsty' cause the water will no doubt spill on your face and said family member will be irked that they tried to be helpful and you couldn't stop laughing for two seconds to properly drink water.
3) it's best not to stand about idly while someone cleans the tub for you since they were kind enough to let you take a bath instead of a shower when it's already so late at night (and the water costs!) you best not stand there and talk while they scrub the tubby tub tub.
4) one should not sit in a running tub while being distracted by her iPod because the water's running and hot and eventually when you come to your mind you will realize that you're sitting in scalding water and jump out of the tub sloshing water everywhere and screaming your bloody lungs out.
5) not a good idea to leave decorative metal items on an electric hot compress since you will definitely forget you left them there and the next time you hop onto the compress… owch. 0.0
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
i hope that you got a good laugh out of that, as i did~! ^_^
i'll be sure to post more positive and regular entries soon, like, this summer soon~ but for now there's been a lot going on IRL and i dont have a lot of time to write~
Arigatou, everyone, for staying so long, heehee~! <3
~Re~
Monday 26 May 2014
Her ~ Royal ~ Highness ~ (note the sarcasm)
Oh goodness.
I've really done nothing but complain lately, haven't I?
I mean, sure, plenty of really good things have happened so far, but i'm pissed i just really want more people than my private diary to know about it, and also when i'm happy, it shows on my face.
Anyway, why am i pissed off right now, you ask?
Well, there's really only one name to associate with it, right?
'Cause i'm cold, sitting uncomfortably on the ground, and feeling neglected because my stupid jerk of a friend just wants to do whatever she can to irk me.
(where's she? sitting at the table.)
anyway, this is what went down.
I was sitting in the library all comfortable and cuddled on a sofa, charging my computer, browsing through the internet.
then in struts Miss Queen of the Universe her Royal Highness Majesty Duchess Madam whatever else you wanna call her, and she plops herself down in the chair opposite to me.
then she starts complaining.
i humour her even though i'm busy and feeling a bit antisocial at this point, and then she's like, "go upstairs with me."
i answer, "i have a stomachache."
her: "I'll drag you then."
me: "piggy back or no deal."
her: "let it go~ let it go~"
then she leaves the room and then quickly comes back and gestures for me to follow her, and by this point in time, i'm already feeling really incredulous.
we go to a common area that only has uncomfortable chairs and tables and there's no charger for me to use, so i use an electrical socket in the hallway, meaning that i'm sitting on the ground.
(it isn't so much i mind sitting on the ground - it's actually a helluva lot more comfortable than a chair. i mean, all that free space! given that the ground is clean of course)
what i do mind isn't that i'm sitting on the ground (while Her Royal Highness sits in a chair a few metres away from me), what i DO mind is that she's not talking to me anyway. there's LITERALLY no interaction between us.
so WHY exactly do i need to sit here and freeze my butt off?
i wouldn't mind it if i were coddled for it. i know i sound demanding. but i don't think it's too much to ask, to ask one to sit closer to me, to talk to me, or thread one's fingers through my hair. (she has a habit of doing this if i'm sitting on the ground in front of her - it's actually quite relaxing)
anyway, and then her Royal Majesty comes up and whines at me to sit with her because she doesn't want to sit alone, so i'm forced to stop charging my computer and sit beside her in an uncomfortable chair while she ignores me.
Gee, what a friendship. =_=
~R~
I've really done nothing but complain lately, haven't I?
I mean, sure, plenty of really good things have happened so far, but i'm pissed i just really want more people than my private diary to know about it, and also when i'm happy, it shows on my face.
Anyway, why am i pissed off right now, you ask?
Well, there's really only one name to associate with it, right?
'Cause i'm cold, sitting uncomfortably on the ground, and feeling neglected because my stupid jerk of a friend just wants to do whatever she can to irk me.
(where's she? sitting at the table.)
anyway, this is what went down.
I was sitting in the library all comfortable and cuddled on a sofa, charging my computer, browsing through the internet.
then in struts Miss Queen of the Universe her Royal Highness Majesty Duchess Madam whatever else you wanna call her, and she plops herself down in the chair opposite to me.
then she starts complaining.
i humour her even though i'm busy and feeling a bit antisocial at this point, and then she's like, "go upstairs with me."
i answer, "i have a stomachache."
her: "I'll drag you then."
me: "piggy back or no deal."
her: "let it go~ let it go~"
then she leaves the room and then quickly comes back and gestures for me to follow her, and by this point in time, i'm already feeling really incredulous.
we go to a common area that only has uncomfortable chairs and tables and there's no charger for me to use, so i use an electrical socket in the hallway, meaning that i'm sitting on the ground.
(it isn't so much i mind sitting on the ground - it's actually a helluva lot more comfortable than a chair. i mean, all that free space! given that the ground is clean of course)
what i do mind isn't that i'm sitting on the ground (while Her Royal Highness sits in a chair a few metres away from me), what i DO mind is that she's not talking to me anyway. there's LITERALLY no interaction between us.
so WHY exactly do i need to sit here and freeze my butt off?
i wouldn't mind it if i were coddled for it. i know i sound demanding. but i don't think it's too much to ask, to ask one to sit closer to me, to talk to me, or thread one's fingers through my hair. (she has a habit of doing this if i'm sitting on the ground in front of her - it's actually quite relaxing)
anyway, and then her Royal Majesty comes up and whines at me to sit with her because she doesn't want to sit alone, so i'm forced to stop charging my computer and sit beside her in an uncomfortable chair while she ignores me.
Gee, what a friendship. =_=
~R~
Thursday 22 May 2014
The Story of the Mysterious Green Clip // An Angry, Pitiful Rant
I'm a bit of a pushover.
Or, if you'd prefer, a bit of a people pleaser.
Or to put it in different terms, i'm a person that enjoys flattering people who enjoy being flattered.
Bottom line is, if i can make you happy, then that makes me happy. (most of the time, anyway)
But then there are these things called 'boundaries', which are these mysterious, invisible signs that yell, "don't even GO there!"
And this is a story about me, these invisible mysterious boundraries, "Mango," a moment of epiphany, and a strange green clip that has more significance than it appears.
I'll start by saying that i'm sorry that i'm always whining in some way or another about Mango. It's the first time i've ever had such an overbearing "bestie" and it's the first time i've had to think so deeply about whether or not a friendship is worth it.
--------------------
CONTEXT
--------------------
anyone who thinks, "well if you don't like her, just leave! stop being her friend!" - well, it's not that easy. it's a tiny school, i couldn't avoid her if i tried. besides, by this point, the mindset is sort of a "ugh, whatever. i give up. do as you please." annnnnnnnd of course, emotions play a large part in this too.
--------------------
and of course, this isn't to say that she's a bad person, because she isn't. i guess it's her personality, and who am i to judge her on it?
besides, there's a thin line between love and hate. i don't mind half the things that she wants me to do, but the condition is obviously that i want her to be truly happy when i do something for her (what's my motivation to make you happy if you're NEVER HAPPY????? i don't care if we're friends and that friends are supposed to make each other happy! why don't I get to be happy??), and of course, that she cherishes the friendship and treasures me and regards me as a person and not hired help.
(cause honestly? if you want a servant, hire a maid. i won't do it for free. that's not fair)
how many times has she taken the stuff i do for her, for granted? i hate the feeling of being left behind as she runs off without even thanking me for (say, writing her stupid essay?). what about a genuinely happy smile and a hug?
i guess you can gather from my tone that i'm feeling pretty pissy right now. (I am). like, you don't 'beckon me over' as though i was your pet instead of your friend. while not giving a f**k that i have a class to get to because "OBVIOUSLY" it's more important that i keep you company. (yeah, like, go f**k yourself).
and maybe i've considered that maybe it's my fauly. maybe i ought to stand up for myself more. maybe i ought to harden my heart and not let her bother me as much as i do. maybe i'm just being overly dependant on someone else. maybe it's not her, it's me.
but still, even if my views of friendship (and love and family and all that) are all sugar coated and naive and impossible, but i'd follow you to hell and back if you're someone that i love or care about. but i'd like to do that because i care about you, not because i'm scared of you.
that's where the real line between true and fake friendship lies.
-------------------------------
ONTO THE STORY ~
-------------------------------
i'm a person that's very symbolic.
everything has a meaning. that's also why i can get very attached to inanimate objects, as i see them as symbols of a different time, or as embodying a sort of love.
so when "Mango" gave me a cute green hairclip (the ridiculously cute type of hair ornament for little girls and not someone of my age - although i admit, i LOVE wearing cute baubles in my hair) for my birthday, it was meaningful to me, especially since she had a matching one.
it was "proof of our friendship - so wear it" (i quote)
and i did wear it. religiously. every day. at almost all times.
because she was my friend and the clip was proof of our friendship.
but the thing about proofs of friendship is, i start feeling obligated to make you feel happy. because we're friends, therefore, i should try and make you happy, right? that's what friends are for. (it's not..)
so, i had on this little green clip and every day just sort of got worse and worse and maybe it's my fault for not putting my foot down and setting up a clear "YOU CANNOT CROSS THIS INVISIBLE LINE OR I WILL BITCHSLAP YOU" but it got to the point where i felt as though that very green clip was the "only clip i could wear" because it's "proof that we're friends."
and THAT is when i realized, something was wrong.
("it's mind control! she's cursed the clip!" - yells I, as i try to find a solution to why i felt this way)
i guess you can say that in a way, the hairclip was a metaphorical collar.
she was already overbearing, overcontrolling, and not to mention, everyone knew that the clip was a gift from her to me. what better way to say, "this is MY friend. back off!" than a gift that's bright green and vividly in view of everyone else?
(and you might think me crazy for assuming these things, but truly, you don't know the kid. cray-cray doesn't even BEGIN to describe her. but maybe i'm cray-cray too, 'cause i'm puttin' up with it)
anyway, i wore that clip for a long time, feeling guilty and miserable and untrue to myself, until finally one day, i forgot that stupid clip.
i was running late for school and i forgot it on my nightstand, and didn't realize it until i got to school.
and in that moment, it was like having a moment of epiphany.
suddenly that day, everything felt RIGHT again.
i didn't feel as though i was "obligated" to make her happy. (i still do because i'd rather see a smile than a frown, although smiles are few and far between ANYWAY)
i didn't feel as though i "HAD" to follow her around or obey her or be a little doll friend.
I still did these things but i didn't feel as though it was expected and required of me anymore.
i was more confident after that - i still haven't regained all the parts of me (that she's shattered and thrown to the wind, if i want to make it sound pretty) yet, but i'm getting there.
it's kinda funny because the removal of a simple hairclip that truly just doesn't mean squat to anyone at all, can have such a big effect.
like a butterfly, ermeging from a cocoon.
okay, it's not that beautiful.
but you get the point.
if before i felt as though i was obligated to let her walk all over me "because we're friends!" , now i just let her because i'd rather not rock the boat.
it's not that much of a difference in physicality, i still do whatever she says (most of the times. sometimes we argue too, but i'd really just rather not deal with it)
---------------------
…well, i dont know what you're expecting.
i'm not some heroine and it wasn't going to be that great of a story.
(i already admitted in the title that i was just complaining, after all ~ )
but see, here's the thing about friendship.
it's a FRIENDSHIP.
there's mutuality in that.
if i am willing to plop myself down on the ground while you sit on the couch instead of kicking you off, damn right i will expect the same of you!
and i don't mind if someone's personality is just naturally overly controlling. i'd put up with it. as long as there's open communication, as long as said person is willing to stop doing something if it bothers me. (yanno, as opposed to turning up one's nose, huffing, and calling me overly sensitive - yeah, cause i'm TOTES overly sensitive since i dont let you have your way, ALL the time.
but honestly, that being said,
even if i'm the one in the wrong for letting her walk all over me,
i talk from a position in which i am unnaturally scared of her.
as in, i recognize her footsteps even if i dont see her and it makes the hair rise on the back of my neck.
THAT, my loves, is not a friendship.
i dont know what you'd call it, but it's not a friendship.
it feels more like she's getting off on some power trip.
i can tell that i don't mean diddly squat to her.
how can we call ourselves "besties" if i dont mean anything to her? (yanno, other than a person that puts up with her and does her work for her)
and the sad thing is, my other "bestie" (who'll be my "university bestie") isn't all that much better. she's a helluva lot nicer but our personalities grind against each other.
i guess it's because she just really likes whining and complaining (especially about her boyfriend, but basically everything is fair game. she is also really, really negative sometimes) while i (i complain and whine too, but only about Mango!) just really need a bestie that would go with me to conventions, who'll cosplay with me, who'll RP with me, who has ambitions as well as passions.
maybe it's unfair of me to want so much of someone.
but it'd be really nice, yanno?
and if said bestie (or future boyfriend??? kyaaaa!) would coddle me, that's all the better.
la de da ~
sorry that complaining is the first thing i do right after being absent for so long la ~
i'll try to be more positive next time ~
~ =3=
~Rere~
Or, if you'd prefer, a bit of a people pleaser.
Or to put it in different terms, i'm a person that enjoys flattering people who enjoy being flattered.
Bottom line is, if i can make you happy, then that makes me happy. (most of the time, anyway)
But then there are these things called 'boundaries', which are these mysterious, invisible signs that yell, "don't even GO there!"
And this is a story about me, these invisible mysterious boundraries, "Mango," a moment of epiphany, and a strange green clip that has more significance than it appears.
I'll start by saying that i'm sorry that i'm always whining in some way or another about Mango. It's the first time i've ever had such an overbearing "bestie" and it's the first time i've had to think so deeply about whether or not a friendship is worth it.
--------------------
CONTEXT
--------------------
anyone who thinks, "well if you don't like her, just leave! stop being her friend!" - well, it's not that easy. it's a tiny school, i couldn't avoid her if i tried. besides, by this point, the mindset is sort of a "ugh, whatever. i give up. do as you please." annnnnnnnd of course, emotions play a large part in this too.
--------------------
and of course, this isn't to say that she's a bad person, because she isn't. i guess it's her personality, and who am i to judge her on it?
besides, there's a thin line between love and hate. i don't mind half the things that she wants me to do, but the condition is obviously that i want her to be truly happy when i do something for her (what's my motivation to make you happy if you're NEVER HAPPY????? i don't care if we're friends and that friends are supposed to make each other happy! why don't I get to be happy??), and of course, that she cherishes the friendship and treasures me and regards me as a person and not hired help.
(cause honestly? if you want a servant, hire a maid. i won't do it for free. that's not fair)
how many times has she taken the stuff i do for her, for granted? i hate the feeling of being left behind as she runs off without even thanking me for (say, writing her stupid essay?). what about a genuinely happy smile and a hug?
i guess you can gather from my tone that i'm feeling pretty pissy right now. (I am). like, you don't 'beckon me over' as though i was your pet instead of your friend. while not giving a f**k that i have a class to get to because "OBVIOUSLY" it's more important that i keep you company. (yeah, like, go f**k yourself).
and maybe i've considered that maybe it's my fauly. maybe i ought to stand up for myself more. maybe i ought to harden my heart and not let her bother me as much as i do. maybe i'm just being overly dependant on someone else. maybe it's not her, it's me.
but still, even if my views of friendship (and love and family and all that) are all sugar coated and naive and impossible, but i'd follow you to hell and back if you're someone that i love or care about. but i'd like to do that because i care about you, not because i'm scared of you.
that's where the real line between true and fake friendship lies.
-------------------------------
ONTO THE STORY ~
-------------------------------
i'm a person that's very symbolic.
everything has a meaning. that's also why i can get very attached to inanimate objects, as i see them as symbols of a different time, or as embodying a sort of love.
so when "Mango" gave me a cute green hairclip (the ridiculously cute type of hair ornament for little girls and not someone of my age - although i admit, i LOVE wearing cute baubles in my hair) for my birthday, it was meaningful to me, especially since she had a matching one.
it was "proof of our friendship - so wear it" (i quote)
and i did wear it. religiously. every day. at almost all times.
because she was my friend and the clip was proof of our friendship.
but the thing about proofs of friendship is, i start feeling obligated to make you feel happy. because we're friends, therefore, i should try and make you happy, right? that's what friends are for. (it's not..)
so, i had on this little green clip and every day just sort of got worse and worse and maybe it's my fault for not putting my foot down and setting up a clear "YOU CANNOT CROSS THIS INVISIBLE LINE OR I WILL BITCHSLAP YOU" but it got to the point where i felt as though that very green clip was the "only clip i could wear" because it's "proof that we're friends."
and THAT is when i realized, something was wrong.
("it's mind control! she's cursed the clip!" - yells I, as i try to find a solution to why i felt this way)
i guess you can say that in a way, the hairclip was a metaphorical collar.
she was already overbearing, overcontrolling, and not to mention, everyone knew that the clip was a gift from her to me. what better way to say, "this is MY friend. back off!" than a gift that's bright green and vividly in view of everyone else?
(and you might think me crazy for assuming these things, but truly, you don't know the kid. cray-cray doesn't even BEGIN to describe her. but maybe i'm cray-cray too, 'cause i'm puttin' up with it)
anyway, i wore that clip for a long time, feeling guilty and miserable and untrue to myself, until finally one day, i forgot that stupid clip.
i was running late for school and i forgot it on my nightstand, and didn't realize it until i got to school.
and in that moment, it was like having a moment of epiphany.
suddenly that day, everything felt RIGHT again.
i didn't feel as though i was "obligated" to make her happy. (i still do because i'd rather see a smile than a frown, although smiles are few and far between ANYWAY)
i didn't feel as though i "HAD" to follow her around or obey her or be a little doll friend.
I still did these things but i didn't feel as though it was expected and required of me anymore.
i was more confident after that - i still haven't regained all the parts of me (that she's shattered and thrown to the wind, if i want to make it sound pretty) yet, but i'm getting there.
it's kinda funny because the removal of a simple hairclip that truly just doesn't mean squat to anyone at all, can have such a big effect.
like a butterfly, ermeging from a cocoon.
okay, it's not that beautiful.
but you get the point.
if before i felt as though i was obligated to let her walk all over me "because we're friends!" , now i just let her because i'd rather not rock the boat.
it's not that much of a difference in physicality, i still do whatever she says (most of the times. sometimes we argue too, but i'd really just rather not deal with it)
---------------------
…well, i dont know what you're expecting.
i'm not some heroine and it wasn't going to be that great of a story.
(i already admitted in the title that i was just complaining, after all ~ )
but see, here's the thing about friendship.
it's a FRIENDSHIP.
there's mutuality in that.
if i am willing to plop myself down on the ground while you sit on the couch instead of kicking you off, damn right i will expect the same of you!
and i don't mind if someone's personality is just naturally overly controlling. i'd put up with it. as long as there's open communication, as long as said person is willing to stop doing something if it bothers me. (yanno, as opposed to turning up one's nose, huffing, and calling me overly sensitive - yeah, cause i'm TOTES overly sensitive since i dont let you have your way, ALL the time.
but honestly, that being said,
even if i'm the one in the wrong for letting her walk all over me,
i talk from a position in which i am unnaturally scared of her.
as in, i recognize her footsteps even if i dont see her and it makes the hair rise on the back of my neck.
THAT, my loves, is not a friendship.
i dont know what you'd call it, but it's not a friendship.
it feels more like she's getting off on some power trip.
i can tell that i don't mean diddly squat to her.
how can we call ourselves "besties" if i dont mean anything to her? (yanno, other than a person that puts up with her and does her work for her)
and the sad thing is, my other "bestie" (who'll be my "university bestie") isn't all that much better. she's a helluva lot nicer but our personalities grind against each other.
i guess it's because she just really likes whining and complaining (especially about her boyfriend, but basically everything is fair game. she is also really, really negative sometimes) while i (i complain and whine too, but only about Mango!) just really need a bestie that would go with me to conventions, who'll cosplay with me, who'll RP with me, who has ambitions as well as passions.
maybe it's unfair of me to want so much of someone.
but it'd be really nice, yanno?
and if said bestie (or future boyfriend??? kyaaaa!) would coddle me, that's all the better.
la de da ~
sorry that complaining is the first thing i do right after being absent for so long la ~
i'll try to be more positive next time ~
~ =3=
~Rere~
Tuesday 22 April 2014
10 Reasons Why I Hate My Best Friend, and 5 Reasons Why I Love Her
You all know what i mean, right?
We all have that one friend that you can't decide whether you love her (or him), or hate her (or him).
Usually it balances out in the end, but for this "bestie" of mine, it definitely does not, and that's where i know to draw the line and say, "good riddance!" because as long as i hate her more than i love her, this friendship is one that is doomed to fail.
Now, if any of you remember my posts from a long, long time ago, about a girl i name "Mango," then that's her.
As a general premise, the two of us are a pair of dysfunctional "best friends."
I don't think we're really good friends, or even friends in general, but she dubs us "besties" and so i'll roll with it.
Why don't i think we're friends?
I'd argue that we're more like sisters. The first year i met her, we were like friends. We talked, we had fun, we enjoyed our time together.
After that, it all went downhill. She doesn't confide in me, we can't talk about the random, silly things that friends tend to talk about, and right now, i feel we're more like sisters that rely on each other instead of connect with each other.
It's been a fun (albeit extremist) ride, but i'll be glad to say goodbye and go my own way once the year fades away.
Without further ado, here are 10 reasons why i hate my bestie, and 5 reasons i love her.
1) She is a hypocrite
one type of person i've always disliked was the hypocrite. i dislike how with her, there are lists upon lists of things that i'm not allowed to do, things that she won't support, things she'll get mad at me for doing, but once you turn around and it's her doing those things, one little comment from me and she'll bust into a "oh, don't be so sensitive!" mode.
a non-extreme example is how when she has nothing to do or doesn't want to do anything, she demands my full attention. computer? put it away. phone? put it away. food? put it away. i must, i absolutely must, have my entire attention on her. turn the dial, and if she's the one with the computer, the phone, the food, and i'm bored as all hell, she'll ignore me and all my needs. "come on, let's go eat. you can still surf the internet." "no! i don't want to!" she'll childishly exclaim back to me.
2) She has "Princess Syndrome"
or in other words, 公主病. perhaps my definition will not be the most accurate, but she is someone who believes that she deserves all the best, and will never be thankful for anything that she receives. i cannot count the number of times that she has taken me for granted. "write my essay." "call (so and so) for me." "bring this to my locker." sure, she says please and thank you, but is she really thankful? She's just glad to have someone that is compliant enough to deal with that sort of BS.
besides, whoever's heard of someone that cannot call another person by themselves, who cannot walk to their lockers, among a huge list of other things? she is not a princess, and i am not hired help. it wouldn't be half as bad if she did things for me also, but everytime she does me a favour, she insists for something in return. she claims, "you owe me." when everything i've done for her could exceed what she does for me, a thousand times over.
or how she will turn up her nose and command me to do things without being the least bit thankful. just today, i had to talk in her favour to a couple of girls who wanted to use the seminar room that we were in. she adamently stared at her computer while i made excuses for her. not even a 'thank you' in sight once i was done. just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean that you can pass up your manners. you're not a princess. you don't live in a palace. this sort of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and once i am done with her, i will never, ever, ever (Taylor Swift style, ever ever ever) be friends with someone like that, EVER AGAIN.
3) She is selfish
everything has to be about her. it's all about her. nobody can be higher or better than her. she's got to go first, be first, and be the most respected. if those merits are her own by her own hard work then i've got nothing to say. but she appears are better, best, the top, by pushing others down. or primarily, me, as to her i am simply her lapdog. i'm the one constantly by her side, and thus, the one she possibly compares herself most to.
i can straight out say, there's nothing to compare to. yet, time and time again, if i'm sad, she's definitely got to be sadder. if i'm angry, she's got to be more angry. if i'm hungry, she's got to be more hungry. if i'm happy, she's got to be happier. everything and everytime.
just awhile ago (this is also another mild case, as to not completely blow your mind), i was just rejected from a volunteer program that i wanted to be a part of. the wound is fresh in my heart. i tell her so, and her response is, "i got waitlisted for the program i wanted to be a part of!" and made a huge deal out of it for the rest of the day.
and not to mention the countless times she insists on borrowing my computer, my phone, to play stupid games like 2048 (okay, i enjoy it personally, but if she's going to be hoarding my computer's battery just to satisfy her need for it? nu-uh!) while in return she makes it a huge deal about how generous she is whenever i want to borrow hers. (or flat out refuses. "i need to keep it 100% charged! it's almost out of battery!" bullshit excuses like those).
corelated to this but not connected, is her use of whining to get what she wants. want my computer? "pleaaaaaaase!! pleaaaaaaaase!! pleeeeeeeeeeaaaassseeeeeee! just this once, i promise!" (well honey, you've said that line half a million times already. i'm not so trusting as to believe that this truly is "one last time"!) and if i ever refuse she stomps away, furious that i won't let her use MY electronics, and will give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day, as if it is MY fault.
another example - i had a drama rehearsal with my team while we had a kindergarten buddy meeting. i tell her i'll be down in fifteen minutes. she keeps screaming, "NO!!!" and later switches tactics to, "You're so selfish!" (To which i respond, "why? how am i selfish? I'm selfish for being there for my team when they need me?") "well, you're not being there for me! that's selfish!" (how i was tempted to yell back, "then the selfish one is YOU!" but i held myself back. not to mention the repercussions if i don't show up for that class…! not that she gives a damn.)
4) The way she treats her boyfriends / ex-boyfriends
i'm not expert on this subject. i have never been in a relationship before. so perhaps in a way, my view on having a boyfriend is very naive, and very childish. but what i do believe, and i hope to always believe, is that relationships are mutual, and that love is the most important thing. frankly, i don't believe in chivalry. i believe in being equals. which is why her treatment of her boyfriends or her attitude towards her ex-boyfriends, PISSES ME OFF.
her demand towards her boyfriends are entirely too much. she's materialistic. they do all sorts of nice things for her, but she never appreciates the things they do. flowers, chocolates, bears, she has them all, but while she says "thanks!" to them, she turns around and starts complaining to me.
it is especially her treatment of a recent ex-boyfriend that irks me the most. and by recent i mean SEVERAL MONTHS. truth is, people fall out of love. (truth is, sometimes people can't put up with your bullshittery?) truth is, everyone ends up getting a new significant other.
and even now, several months later, she is still whining about the same ex-boyfriend. she was the one who suggested that they break up. he took it in stride, going on his merry way without kicking up a fuss. he finds a new girlfriend, one that i don't know personally. but from what i hear, she appears to be a very sweet person, and he loves her. now, Mango is constantly whining about him, in his finding a new girlfriend, in the things she does. she claims that he is rubbing his new love in her face.
and she said to me, and i quote, "i don't love him anymore, but it bothers me." ("what do you want? to get back together with him?) "no, i don't. i don't love him. i just want him to love me." ("so, what's the issue here?") "i want to ruin his life! I want him to always be unhappy because he can't have me!" (like, whoaa girl, rein in your horses. sure, it's natural to feel bitter about break ups, but if you truly loved someone, you'd wish for their happiness right? besides, it was YOUR idea to break up. i'm sure that the poor boy would still be with you if you hadn't suggested such a thing.
5) Denial
i'm all for admitting one's flaws. we're all flawed. that's what makes us human, and that's what allows us to move forth in life, and become out best self. that's why i hate denial. i won't deny the fact that sometimes i'm in denial too, but she really takes it to an extreme. she'll deny the things that i remember her saying, her doing, and even my feelings. how can she deny that? how can i tell her, "you made me feel upset. frustrated." and have her say, "no, that's not true. no you don't." ?
in her memory, she is always the one that is wronged, and not the one that has done something wrong. she'll deny everything, even things that she herself said. "it's a joke," she'll say, "I didn't mean that," she'll say.
another example - once we were sharing a hotel room during a conference, and she told me she was sorry. that she's been aggressive lately. that she hopes that i won't hold it against her. that she doesn't understand why she's aggressive but she is. time-skip a few days, we're sitting in class and i'm pissed off because she does her "pleeeeease! pleaaaase! pleaaaaase!" to play a game of 2048 on my computer, so i'm sitting there all moody. (I even told her that i would get her computer from her locker for her, but she made some bullshit excuse about not wanting her computer in that room).
then she says, "i feel as though there is tension between us." (like, DUH! i'd be a saint if i weren't pissed with you and your cruddy attitude. not that i'd admit that to her face, but, it's true). and i tell her, "well, that's because you've been aggressive lately. and i'm naturally quite passive aggressive. and that doesn't fit well together." and she instantly springs on the defense and says, "since when am i aggressive? huh? huh?! give me an example!" "uh… well, you were the one who said so…" "THAT'S A JOKE!! don't you understand what a joke is?!" (the conversation goes onto me saying, "fine, i'm just tired and confused then." and she yells, "WELL I'M MORE TIRED AND CONFUSED THAN YOU ARE."
the denial thing has to be one of the things that i dislike the most about her. i revel in flaws. i love flaws. it's not my "good points" that make me special, it's my "bad points." if she'd not deny things, if she'd admit them, i'd have a lot more respect for her.
6) Her hate for kids
i love kids. i cannot stress that enough. I LOVE KIDS. i find them adorable. even though there are brats out there that i can't deal well with, i still love kids. i have 4 younger cousins and even when they piss me off, i adore them, i love them to pieces. and maybe it's the fact that i have little cousins that i love, that i am unable to stomach her attitude towards kids.
for her, it's all about appearance. it's not beyond her to comment, "look, look at that. if that were my kid, i'd starve her. i'd hate for my kid to look like that."(if i give her an incredulous look, she'll demand, "what, wouldn't you?! do you WANT a fat kid?!" like, no, i wouldn't explicitely wish for a fat kid, but if s/he were fat, i wouldn't give a crap! that'd be my kid, and i love her the way she was!) or our kindergarten buddy, on the other hand. i find the kid absolutely adorable. sure, she's bratty sometimes, but she's just the sweetest little thing, whereas she is constantly bashing on a frikkin' FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD. "i hate her," "she's ugly," "she's noisy," "she doesn't speak," "i just hate her so much!" things like that.
once we were making a card for the little cutie pie. for christmas. Mango explicitely tells me to draw an ugly picture for her, and to draw thieves stealing her presents. another time, she pouts for an hour straight because the kid wouldn't give her the glue cap.
the child's five. she's adorable. and Mango has the nerve to constantly bash on her. i find her hate for children unnatural. it's one thing to dislike kids as a general, but i don't think that anybody in their right mind would constantly and openly make such cruel remarks about a child.
7) Pointing fingers
one of the things that makes me lose respect for someone the most is when they point fingers. throw blame around. put others under the bus. and she is one that is an expert at this. it's never HER fault, of COURSE not. she's the princess, how can it POSSIBLY be her fault?
i think that if it comes down to it, the best thing to do is to admit that you make a mistake, learn from it, and move on. there's no need to blame others for your failures, for your mistakes. the way she always shifts things around is infuriating. it ties into being hyprocritical as well. if i forget something she'll never let me live it down. if she forgets, she'll get mad at me for remembering it in the first place.
she's even attempted to pin the blame on me for a class i'm not even in before. apparantly it illicted a laugh from the class, and i do find it hilarious that she'd even go that far to try blaming me in a class i don't take, but at the end of the day, the deal is that she cannot accept that she did something wrong, and has to throw me under the bus.
or how many times she's accused me, shifted the blame to me. it's all MY fault in her world. everything is MY fault. if something goes wrong, it's because of ME.
8) The inability to talk
What's the use in a friend that you can't talk to? one of the major components that makes me resent her is the ability to talk. i cannot bring up a random subject because she won't accept it. she'll turn up her nose. she'll smirk. she'll call me stupid. we can never talk about something i want to talk about. we talk about what SHE wants to talk about, or she just ignores me completely.
What's the use in that? I don't want to constantly be the one listening. I want to have my opinion heard once in awhile too. And whenever we're together and with others and i speak out, or if i am having my voice her, she is usually eager to drag me away or to oppose my words.
or whenever we are sitting together, or i say good morning. we don't talk. it's a simple nod. i despise that. especially if she's in a bad mood, then she'll not talk at all. she'll pout and sulk the entire day.
also inc corelation but not directly related? She loves making weird sounds and swatting me, for no apparant reason. "Nnnnghh!!" and then a quick slap on the arm. like sure, that doesn't seem to make you look stupid at all. Or how she constantly yells "WAIT FOR ME!!" while giving me an ugly, strict face, even though i haven't moved at all. Tourettes much?
again in corelation but not directly related - she constantly yells at me for using my "kiddy voice" to talk to our kindergarten buddy. (higher pitched, sweeter, the baby voice), while whenever she calls her mom or talks to her online friends, she uses this sickeningly sweet, bubblegum-Asian, Japanese-idol-group voice that sends shivers up my spine. What, i can't do it but she can? Geez.
9) She's racist and homophobic
in a way i suppose that if it is her own choice that i have nothing i can say for it. but i do not believe that race of sexual preference can possibly make anyone "lesser than." ultimately, we're all human. we all have hopes and dreams and fears and regrets. how can she possibly judge someone based on their skin or on their sexual preference? what does it matter if a person is black, brown, yellow, white, or anything in between? what does it matter if a guy likes a guy, or if a girl likes a girl, or if a guy feels like a girl, or vice versa? are we not all human?
i wouldn't be as offended by this if she didn't explicitely state it. i wouldn't feel so bad if other people actually AGREE with her. maybe it's a cultural thing, i wouldn't know. for me, i do know i have a lot of prejudices as a result of what my family believes in, or is against. but that doesn't stop me from at least treating them as humans. i try not to badmouth them behind their back. (okay, i admit, sometimes i do, but that's a whole other blog entry in itself).
what i remember the most is an issue about Japan. it particularily stuck by me because i love Japan. (yes, yes, refer to the weeaboo post). it's one thing if she insults me personally, but it's another if she brings my family into it. or their background. whatever.
i remember she was yelling "ri! ri! ri!" (日) in Mandarin (in regards to her ex) and when i asked her about it, she said it was a bad word. And then she said, "it's a bad word because it's part of 日本!" (Japan). i can say that i was beyond shocked. not just because i love Japan, not just because i have extended family members who are Japanese, but simply because of the ignorance that this sentence evokes. as though there is something WRONG with another nation. no. simply NO.
sure, we can bring culture into things. maybe it's the way she was taught. but just because we are taught a certain way doesn't mean we ought to blindly accept it. shouldn't we question the validity of the things we are taught? question the motives, the deliverer?
and what about her blatant homophobia? what's wrong with loving the same gender? love is blind, is it not? shouldn't you love somebody for their personality, for who they are, rather than their genitals?
10) She has no drive, no passions. among many more.
ten things honestly is not enough to sum up all the things that i resent about her. we've done "friendship therapy" before - listing things we liked and disliked about each other. she had a list of at least 40 things i hated about her. but i think these 10 things emcompass most aspects that i dislike.
and this tenth one is a little bit of a preference. but it irks me that she has no true desires from life, no true passion. if that is so, then aren't you just existing, and not really living at all? This is just preference, of course.
but i believe that it is crucial to have passions in life. to have hopes and dreams. if we walk in the same rut day after day, then where do we find ourselves? shouldn't we at least try to claw our way out of that mundane life? even just a tiny spark of passion is enough. whether it be shopping, gaming, writing, designing - anything works, as long as its something.
1) Hard-Working
while she denies being hard working ("oh, i NEVER study!", among other phrases) i can see that she actually is a hard worker that cares about her studies. i find this very admirable. to be able to sit down and concentrate on such a boring thing, and come up with such elaborate lab reports and what not, i find that very, very admirable indeed.
i love people that work hard. i love it when people give it their all, give it their best, and put their heart into doing something. it's something that dazzles me every time.
no matter how much she denies it, this is a trait that i definitely admire. if only i could be as hard working as she is, i'm sure i would be able to make everyone proud. (and finish things that i start).
2) Cleverness
i'm not sure if this is her or me, but i find it clever that she somehow has the ability to balance love and hate with me. she'll piss me off and piss me off but then turn a switch and make her love her by acting all sweet and caring and having a meaningful conversation.
if this is her doing (as opposed to me simply forgetting) then i admire the cleverness that it takes. i wouldn't be able to do that. i wouldn't be able to play the puppet strings in the way that she does.
3) Her Persistance
yeah, it gets annoying when her persistance is "pleeeeeease! pleeeeeease! pleeeeeeease! last time i promiseeeeee!" but in a way, it really is admirable. to care so little about how ridiculous it makes you sound, to constantly repeat the same things, again and again, without fail, until you get the outcome you want.
that's pretty cool in itself, isn't it? "fake it till you make it", after all!
4) Mutliple Personalities
i guess we're all chameleons. we act certain way around certain people and then not in front of others. but i find that she's a master chameleon. she has so many faces and standards that it's impossible to keep track of them all. that'd be a trait i'd love to be able to imitate.
5) Her Prettiness
yes, that's right. this lovely not so lovely friend of mine, is a pretty girl. That's one thing i'll always be envious of, that's how pretty she is. she's pretty and she knows it.
i wish i were, too.
Bonus: Why I Don't Leave Her
it's beacuse i'm weak. i don't know how.
i'm scared that if i rock the boat before the year ends naturally, that i'll end up friendless, or worse. (she does have video footage of me acting like an idiot). i'm scared of her.
i don't like rejection.
im scared of her power, of how she is able to stay on my mind so long after we have parted ways.
frankly, i'm terrified of her.
which is probably why she plays me like a puppet on a string. probably why she's so incredibly over-controlling with me. (and when i say over-controlling, i do damn right mean over-controlling! she'll even go as far as to tell me what i can and cannot eat, when we used to go to McDonalds for lunch…! "no ice cream for you!"
Well, i guess that's that.
There's so much more going on these days, with Mango.
I hope this list helps you, as the reader, to identify the bad friends in your life. and to realise that you can't keep 'em all.
sometimes, it's just time to let go.
and trust me, it'll make your life a thousand times better once you do.
Ganbatte ne~!
<3
~Rena~~
We all have that one friend that you can't decide whether you love her (or him), or hate her (or him).
Usually it balances out in the end, but for this "bestie" of mine, it definitely does not, and that's where i know to draw the line and say, "good riddance!" because as long as i hate her more than i love her, this friendship is one that is doomed to fail.
Now, if any of you remember my posts from a long, long time ago, about a girl i name "Mango," then that's her.
As a general premise, the two of us are a pair of dysfunctional "best friends."
I don't think we're really good friends, or even friends in general, but she dubs us "besties" and so i'll roll with it.
Why don't i think we're friends?
I'd argue that we're more like sisters. The first year i met her, we were like friends. We talked, we had fun, we enjoyed our time together.
After that, it all went downhill. She doesn't confide in me, we can't talk about the random, silly things that friends tend to talk about, and right now, i feel we're more like sisters that rely on each other instead of connect with each other.
It's been a fun (albeit extremist) ride, but i'll be glad to say goodbye and go my own way once the year fades away.
Without further ado, here are 10 reasons why i hate my bestie, and 5 reasons i love her.
1) She is a hypocrite
one type of person i've always disliked was the hypocrite. i dislike how with her, there are lists upon lists of things that i'm not allowed to do, things that she won't support, things she'll get mad at me for doing, but once you turn around and it's her doing those things, one little comment from me and she'll bust into a "oh, don't be so sensitive!" mode.
a non-extreme example is how when she has nothing to do or doesn't want to do anything, she demands my full attention. computer? put it away. phone? put it away. food? put it away. i must, i absolutely must, have my entire attention on her. turn the dial, and if she's the one with the computer, the phone, the food, and i'm bored as all hell, she'll ignore me and all my needs. "come on, let's go eat. you can still surf the internet." "no! i don't want to!" she'll childishly exclaim back to me.
2) She has "Princess Syndrome"
or in other words, 公主病. perhaps my definition will not be the most accurate, but she is someone who believes that she deserves all the best, and will never be thankful for anything that she receives. i cannot count the number of times that she has taken me for granted. "write my essay." "call (so and so) for me." "bring this to my locker." sure, she says please and thank you, but is she really thankful? She's just glad to have someone that is compliant enough to deal with that sort of BS.
besides, whoever's heard of someone that cannot call another person by themselves, who cannot walk to their lockers, among a huge list of other things? she is not a princess, and i am not hired help. it wouldn't be half as bad if she did things for me also, but everytime she does me a favour, she insists for something in return. she claims, "you owe me." when everything i've done for her could exceed what she does for me, a thousand times over.
or how she will turn up her nose and command me to do things without being the least bit thankful. just today, i had to talk in her favour to a couple of girls who wanted to use the seminar room that we were in. she adamently stared at her computer while i made excuses for her. not even a 'thank you' in sight once i was done. just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean that you can pass up your manners. you're not a princess. you don't live in a palace. this sort of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and once i am done with her, i will never, ever, ever (Taylor Swift style, ever ever ever) be friends with someone like that, EVER AGAIN.
3) She is selfish
everything has to be about her. it's all about her. nobody can be higher or better than her. she's got to go first, be first, and be the most respected. if those merits are her own by her own hard work then i've got nothing to say. but she appears are better, best, the top, by pushing others down. or primarily, me, as to her i am simply her lapdog. i'm the one constantly by her side, and thus, the one she possibly compares herself most to.
i can straight out say, there's nothing to compare to. yet, time and time again, if i'm sad, she's definitely got to be sadder. if i'm angry, she's got to be more angry. if i'm hungry, she's got to be more hungry. if i'm happy, she's got to be happier. everything and everytime.
just awhile ago (this is also another mild case, as to not completely blow your mind), i was just rejected from a volunteer program that i wanted to be a part of. the wound is fresh in my heart. i tell her so, and her response is, "i got waitlisted for the program i wanted to be a part of!" and made a huge deal out of it for the rest of the day.
and not to mention the countless times she insists on borrowing my computer, my phone, to play stupid games like 2048 (okay, i enjoy it personally, but if she's going to be hoarding my computer's battery just to satisfy her need for it? nu-uh!) while in return she makes it a huge deal about how generous she is whenever i want to borrow hers. (or flat out refuses. "i need to keep it 100% charged! it's almost out of battery!" bullshit excuses like those).
corelated to this but not connected, is her use of whining to get what she wants. want my computer? "pleaaaaaaase!! pleaaaaaaaase!! pleeeeeeeeeeaaaassseeeeeee! just this once, i promise!" (well honey, you've said that line half a million times already. i'm not so trusting as to believe that this truly is "one last time"!) and if i ever refuse she stomps away, furious that i won't let her use MY electronics, and will give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day, as if it is MY fault.
another example - i had a drama rehearsal with my team while we had a kindergarten buddy meeting. i tell her i'll be down in fifteen minutes. she keeps screaming, "NO!!!" and later switches tactics to, "You're so selfish!" (To which i respond, "why? how am i selfish? I'm selfish for being there for my team when they need me?") "well, you're not being there for me! that's selfish!" (how i was tempted to yell back, "then the selfish one is YOU!" but i held myself back. not to mention the repercussions if i don't show up for that class…! not that she gives a damn.)
4) The way she treats her boyfriends / ex-boyfriends
i'm not expert on this subject. i have never been in a relationship before. so perhaps in a way, my view on having a boyfriend is very naive, and very childish. but what i do believe, and i hope to always believe, is that relationships are mutual, and that love is the most important thing. frankly, i don't believe in chivalry. i believe in being equals. which is why her treatment of her boyfriends or her attitude towards her ex-boyfriends, PISSES ME OFF.
her demand towards her boyfriends are entirely too much. she's materialistic. they do all sorts of nice things for her, but she never appreciates the things they do. flowers, chocolates, bears, she has them all, but while she says "thanks!" to them, she turns around and starts complaining to me.
it is especially her treatment of a recent ex-boyfriend that irks me the most. and by recent i mean SEVERAL MONTHS. truth is, people fall out of love. (truth is, sometimes people can't put up with your bullshittery?) truth is, everyone ends up getting a new significant other.
and even now, several months later, she is still whining about the same ex-boyfriend. she was the one who suggested that they break up. he took it in stride, going on his merry way without kicking up a fuss. he finds a new girlfriend, one that i don't know personally. but from what i hear, she appears to be a very sweet person, and he loves her. now, Mango is constantly whining about him, in his finding a new girlfriend, in the things she does. she claims that he is rubbing his new love in her face.
and she said to me, and i quote, "i don't love him anymore, but it bothers me." ("what do you want? to get back together with him?) "no, i don't. i don't love him. i just want him to love me." ("so, what's the issue here?") "i want to ruin his life! I want him to always be unhappy because he can't have me!" (like, whoaa girl, rein in your horses. sure, it's natural to feel bitter about break ups, but if you truly loved someone, you'd wish for their happiness right? besides, it was YOUR idea to break up. i'm sure that the poor boy would still be with you if you hadn't suggested such a thing.
5) Denial
i'm all for admitting one's flaws. we're all flawed. that's what makes us human, and that's what allows us to move forth in life, and become out best self. that's why i hate denial. i won't deny the fact that sometimes i'm in denial too, but she really takes it to an extreme. she'll deny the things that i remember her saying, her doing, and even my feelings. how can she deny that? how can i tell her, "you made me feel upset. frustrated." and have her say, "no, that's not true. no you don't." ?
in her memory, she is always the one that is wronged, and not the one that has done something wrong. she'll deny everything, even things that she herself said. "it's a joke," she'll say, "I didn't mean that," she'll say.
another example - once we were sharing a hotel room during a conference, and she told me she was sorry. that she's been aggressive lately. that she hopes that i won't hold it against her. that she doesn't understand why she's aggressive but she is. time-skip a few days, we're sitting in class and i'm pissed off because she does her "pleeeeease! pleaaaase! pleaaaaase!" to play a game of 2048 on my computer, so i'm sitting there all moody. (I even told her that i would get her computer from her locker for her, but she made some bullshit excuse about not wanting her computer in that room).
then she says, "i feel as though there is tension between us." (like, DUH! i'd be a saint if i weren't pissed with you and your cruddy attitude. not that i'd admit that to her face, but, it's true). and i tell her, "well, that's because you've been aggressive lately. and i'm naturally quite passive aggressive. and that doesn't fit well together." and she instantly springs on the defense and says, "since when am i aggressive? huh? huh?! give me an example!" "uh… well, you were the one who said so…" "THAT'S A JOKE!! don't you understand what a joke is?!" (the conversation goes onto me saying, "fine, i'm just tired and confused then." and she yells, "WELL I'M MORE TIRED AND CONFUSED THAN YOU ARE."
the denial thing has to be one of the things that i dislike the most about her. i revel in flaws. i love flaws. it's not my "good points" that make me special, it's my "bad points." if she'd not deny things, if she'd admit them, i'd have a lot more respect for her.
6) Her hate for kids
i love kids. i cannot stress that enough. I LOVE KIDS. i find them adorable. even though there are brats out there that i can't deal well with, i still love kids. i have 4 younger cousins and even when they piss me off, i adore them, i love them to pieces. and maybe it's the fact that i have little cousins that i love, that i am unable to stomach her attitude towards kids.
for her, it's all about appearance. it's not beyond her to comment, "look, look at that. if that were my kid, i'd starve her. i'd hate for my kid to look like that."(if i give her an incredulous look, she'll demand, "what, wouldn't you?! do you WANT a fat kid?!" like, no, i wouldn't explicitely wish for a fat kid, but if s/he were fat, i wouldn't give a crap! that'd be my kid, and i love her the way she was!) or our kindergarten buddy, on the other hand. i find the kid absolutely adorable. sure, she's bratty sometimes, but she's just the sweetest little thing, whereas she is constantly bashing on a frikkin' FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD. "i hate her," "she's ugly," "she's noisy," "she doesn't speak," "i just hate her so much!" things like that.
once we were making a card for the little cutie pie. for christmas. Mango explicitely tells me to draw an ugly picture for her, and to draw thieves stealing her presents. another time, she pouts for an hour straight because the kid wouldn't give her the glue cap.
the child's five. she's adorable. and Mango has the nerve to constantly bash on her. i find her hate for children unnatural. it's one thing to dislike kids as a general, but i don't think that anybody in their right mind would constantly and openly make such cruel remarks about a child.
7) Pointing fingers
one of the things that makes me lose respect for someone the most is when they point fingers. throw blame around. put others under the bus. and she is one that is an expert at this. it's never HER fault, of COURSE not. she's the princess, how can it POSSIBLY be her fault?
i think that if it comes down to it, the best thing to do is to admit that you make a mistake, learn from it, and move on. there's no need to blame others for your failures, for your mistakes. the way she always shifts things around is infuriating. it ties into being hyprocritical as well. if i forget something she'll never let me live it down. if she forgets, she'll get mad at me for remembering it in the first place.
she's even attempted to pin the blame on me for a class i'm not even in before. apparantly it illicted a laugh from the class, and i do find it hilarious that she'd even go that far to try blaming me in a class i don't take, but at the end of the day, the deal is that she cannot accept that she did something wrong, and has to throw me under the bus.
or how many times she's accused me, shifted the blame to me. it's all MY fault in her world. everything is MY fault. if something goes wrong, it's because of ME.
8) The inability to talk
What's the use in a friend that you can't talk to? one of the major components that makes me resent her is the ability to talk. i cannot bring up a random subject because she won't accept it. she'll turn up her nose. she'll smirk. she'll call me stupid. we can never talk about something i want to talk about. we talk about what SHE wants to talk about, or she just ignores me completely.
What's the use in that? I don't want to constantly be the one listening. I want to have my opinion heard once in awhile too. And whenever we're together and with others and i speak out, or if i am having my voice her, she is usually eager to drag me away or to oppose my words.
or whenever we are sitting together, or i say good morning. we don't talk. it's a simple nod. i despise that. especially if she's in a bad mood, then she'll not talk at all. she'll pout and sulk the entire day.
also inc corelation but not directly related? She loves making weird sounds and swatting me, for no apparant reason. "Nnnnghh!!" and then a quick slap on the arm. like sure, that doesn't seem to make you look stupid at all. Or how she constantly yells "WAIT FOR ME!!" while giving me an ugly, strict face, even though i haven't moved at all. Tourettes much?
again in corelation but not directly related - she constantly yells at me for using my "kiddy voice" to talk to our kindergarten buddy. (higher pitched, sweeter, the baby voice), while whenever she calls her mom or talks to her online friends, she uses this sickeningly sweet, bubblegum-Asian, Japanese-idol-group voice that sends shivers up my spine. What, i can't do it but she can? Geez.
9) She's racist and homophobic
in a way i suppose that if it is her own choice that i have nothing i can say for it. but i do not believe that race of sexual preference can possibly make anyone "lesser than." ultimately, we're all human. we all have hopes and dreams and fears and regrets. how can she possibly judge someone based on their skin or on their sexual preference? what does it matter if a person is black, brown, yellow, white, or anything in between? what does it matter if a guy likes a guy, or if a girl likes a girl, or if a guy feels like a girl, or vice versa? are we not all human?
i wouldn't be as offended by this if she didn't explicitely state it. i wouldn't feel so bad if other people actually AGREE with her. maybe it's a cultural thing, i wouldn't know. for me, i do know i have a lot of prejudices as a result of what my family believes in, or is against. but that doesn't stop me from at least treating them as humans. i try not to badmouth them behind their back. (okay, i admit, sometimes i do, but that's a whole other blog entry in itself).
what i remember the most is an issue about Japan. it particularily stuck by me because i love Japan. (yes, yes, refer to the weeaboo post). it's one thing if she insults me personally, but it's another if she brings my family into it. or their background. whatever.
i remember she was yelling "ri! ri! ri!" (日) in Mandarin (in regards to her ex) and when i asked her about it, she said it was a bad word. And then she said, "it's a bad word because it's part of 日本!" (Japan). i can say that i was beyond shocked. not just because i love Japan, not just because i have extended family members who are Japanese, but simply because of the ignorance that this sentence evokes. as though there is something WRONG with another nation. no. simply NO.
sure, we can bring culture into things. maybe it's the way she was taught. but just because we are taught a certain way doesn't mean we ought to blindly accept it. shouldn't we question the validity of the things we are taught? question the motives, the deliverer?
and what about her blatant homophobia? what's wrong with loving the same gender? love is blind, is it not? shouldn't you love somebody for their personality, for who they are, rather than their genitals?
10) She has no drive, no passions. among many more.
ten things honestly is not enough to sum up all the things that i resent about her. we've done "friendship therapy" before - listing things we liked and disliked about each other. she had a list of at least 40 things i hated about her. but i think these 10 things emcompass most aspects that i dislike.
and this tenth one is a little bit of a preference. but it irks me that she has no true desires from life, no true passion. if that is so, then aren't you just existing, and not really living at all? This is just preference, of course.
but i believe that it is crucial to have passions in life. to have hopes and dreams. if we walk in the same rut day after day, then where do we find ourselves? shouldn't we at least try to claw our way out of that mundane life? even just a tiny spark of passion is enough. whether it be shopping, gaming, writing, designing - anything works, as long as its something.
1) Hard-Working
while she denies being hard working ("oh, i NEVER study!", among other phrases) i can see that she actually is a hard worker that cares about her studies. i find this very admirable. to be able to sit down and concentrate on such a boring thing, and come up with such elaborate lab reports and what not, i find that very, very admirable indeed.
i love people that work hard. i love it when people give it their all, give it their best, and put their heart into doing something. it's something that dazzles me every time.
no matter how much she denies it, this is a trait that i definitely admire. if only i could be as hard working as she is, i'm sure i would be able to make everyone proud. (and finish things that i start).
2) Cleverness
i'm not sure if this is her or me, but i find it clever that she somehow has the ability to balance love and hate with me. she'll piss me off and piss me off but then turn a switch and make her love her by acting all sweet and caring and having a meaningful conversation.
if this is her doing (as opposed to me simply forgetting) then i admire the cleverness that it takes. i wouldn't be able to do that. i wouldn't be able to play the puppet strings in the way that she does.
3) Her Persistance
yeah, it gets annoying when her persistance is "pleeeeeease! pleeeeeease! pleeeeeeease! last time i promiseeeeee!" but in a way, it really is admirable. to care so little about how ridiculous it makes you sound, to constantly repeat the same things, again and again, without fail, until you get the outcome you want.
that's pretty cool in itself, isn't it? "fake it till you make it", after all!
4) Mutliple Personalities
i guess we're all chameleons. we act certain way around certain people and then not in front of others. but i find that she's a master chameleon. she has so many faces and standards that it's impossible to keep track of them all. that'd be a trait i'd love to be able to imitate.
5) Her Prettiness
yes, that's right. this lovely not so lovely friend of mine, is a pretty girl. That's one thing i'll always be envious of, that's how pretty she is. she's pretty and she knows it.
i wish i were, too.
Bonus: Why I Don't Leave Her
it's beacuse i'm weak. i don't know how.
i'm scared that if i rock the boat before the year ends naturally, that i'll end up friendless, or worse. (she does have video footage of me acting like an idiot). i'm scared of her.
i don't like rejection.
im scared of her power, of how she is able to stay on my mind so long after we have parted ways.
frankly, i'm terrified of her.
which is probably why she plays me like a puppet on a string. probably why she's so incredibly over-controlling with me. (and when i say over-controlling, i do damn right mean over-controlling! she'll even go as far as to tell me what i can and cannot eat, when we used to go to McDonalds for lunch…! "no ice cream for you!"
Well, i guess that's that.
There's so much more going on these days, with Mango.
I hope this list helps you, as the reader, to identify the bad friends in your life. and to realise that you can't keep 'em all.
sometimes, it's just time to let go.
and trust me, it'll make your life a thousand times better once you do.
Ganbatte ne~!
<3
~Rena~~
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