Soooo… It's Tuesday!
I think i said i'd update on Tuesdays and Thursdays right? I could be wrong.
Today, for the first time in the entire summer, i actually got up early!!! Which is actually not that early, just 9:30, because usually i sleep until 12:00.
I wanted to eat breakfast with my Mum today.
So i rolled out of bed and we go downstairs to eat with the family, and i come to realise that breakfast is the most ANNOYING meal of the day.
Like, with breakfasts on school days at least, i get to eat yummy foods like rice noodles or whatever left over for what i have packed for lunch,
but with everyone else breakfast is a DISASTER.
Everyone on the table falls either under the category of "I don't like it" or "I can't eat it" which does me no wonders.
Back a long time ago, in grade school, when we went to camp we'd all eat together in the Lodge for breakfast, and naturally they were all yummy foods, fruit salads and basics like scrambled eggs and bacon and cereal and sausage and stuff.
Today i'd at least eat maybe a strip or two of bacon and have a sausage (the last full camp i went on, breakfast = two mini sausages and a juice packet) but back then, i HATED meat.
like, i'd go to McDonalds and order a cheeseburger, but "ONLY CHEESE AND KETCHUP PLEASE"
So basically for breakfast i'd have the fruit salad (if it didn't contain fruits that i am allergic to) and cereal with syrup instead of milk since i hated milk. …I also hated cereal, but sometimes you just gotta fill your belly, even if you're eating strange things.
Needless to say, i've never finished a bowl during camp.
Oh yeah, and there was toast. but i hate how bread tastes so i didn't eat that.
And at home it's no different,
blueberry bagles, muffins, some sort of oat pancake, coffee, avocado smoothie… all staples of the house but i would literally eat none of it, even if i was starving. i'd rather not eat than eat something i don't like. :/
And i remember in France, breakfast every day was basically two spoonfuls of chocolate cereal and a mug of tea. and for the matter, i don't like chocolate, i don't like cereal, and i don't like tea.
The only time breakfasts have been actually good, though, i'd argue, is in Taiwan. because we'd eat this thing called "Shao Bing" and it's REALLY delicious. it basically is like a crepe but less savory and it is flaky and yummy and has sesame seeds on the top but i hate sesame seeds so i don't eat the top.
top that off with syrupy soy milk and Mmmmm <3 that is a delicious breakfast.
Sooo… yeah.
Not the biggest fan of breakfast, tbh.
I can't understand the people that say that'd like to have breakfast for dinner. I'd rather just not have dinner than to put up with breakfast foods.
unless, you know, it's Shao Bing, then i would eat it.
Speaking of, 3 more weeks until we leave. ahhh, that's a long time T_T
~reRe~
Tuesday, 24 June 2014
Thursday, 19 June 2014
Summer Has Come At Last!
Okaaaaay so it's been a long time since i last updated and also i haven't been sticking to a regular schedule but hey, i'm back, WHOO!
and it's the season we've all been waiting for! Summer! Yay!
Remember how i travelled alone this spring? (sort of alone, not actually?)
Well, we're going back! Yay! :D
The only major difference?
It's summer, summer is hot and humid, i hate hot and humid :D
But i'm glad to be back, truly, even if it's in the dead heat of summer, i'm happy to be seeing my family again, it'll be the highlight of summer, i'm sure :)
Like usual i'll probably need to be dragged back by the feet, but hey, beggars can't be choosers :)
Anyway, no real update or story for ya'll this time, just wanted to hop back online and prove that i'm not like, yanno, dead.
update on the Mango topic… it'll hopefully, probably become a nonissue soon.
That aside..
Happy summer everyone :)
From now until departure, updates will be every Tuesday and Thursday and will be on random topics :P
After departure, updates will be most likely nonexistant until we're back :P
(unless something awesome happens, like that time when i pierced my ears) :)
Alright, that's it for now :P
Happy summerrrrrrrr!!!
~Rena~
and it's the season we've all been waiting for! Summer! Yay!
Remember how i travelled alone this spring? (sort of alone, not actually?)
Well, we're going back! Yay! :D
The only major difference?
It's summer, summer is hot and humid, i hate hot and humid :D
But i'm glad to be back, truly, even if it's in the dead heat of summer, i'm happy to be seeing my family again, it'll be the highlight of summer, i'm sure :)
Like usual i'll probably need to be dragged back by the feet, but hey, beggars can't be choosers :)
Anyway, no real update or story for ya'll this time, just wanted to hop back online and prove that i'm not like, yanno, dead.
update on the Mango topic… it'll hopefully, probably become a nonissue soon.
That aside..
Happy summer everyone :)
From now until departure, updates will be every Tuesday and Thursday and will be on random topics :P
After departure, updates will be most likely nonexistant until we're back :P
(unless something awesome happens, like that time when i pierced my ears) :)
Alright, that's it for now :P
Happy summerrrrrrrr!!!
~Rena~
Saturday, 31 May 2014
5 Hilarious Bad Ideas I Learned Today
Hi all~!
I haven't been posting anything but whiny, complaining posts lately so i thought that i might as well post something that's a bit more positive today!
So without further ado, here are 5 strange, hilarious, bad-idea things that i learned today!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
1) it's probably a bad idea to take a play tube (those tunnels kids crawl around in) and wear it while dancing around screaming "I'm a tube! I'm a dancing tube!" while going downstairs to show your family, 'cause inevitably you will trip and fall and everyone will laugh.
2) not a good idea to laugh hysterically when someone holds a watercup to your face after you've fallen cause 'you look thirsty' cause the water will no doubt spill on your face and said family member will be irked that they tried to be helpful and you couldn't stop laughing for two seconds to properly drink water.
3) it's best not to stand about idly while someone cleans the tub for you since they were kind enough to let you take a bath instead of a shower when it's already so late at night (and the water costs!) you best not stand there and talk while they scrub the tubby tub tub.
4) one should not sit in a running tub while being distracted by her iPod because the water's running and hot and eventually when you come to your mind you will realize that you're sitting in scalding water and jump out of the tub sloshing water everywhere and screaming your bloody lungs out.
5) not a good idea to leave decorative metal items on an electric hot compress since you will definitely forget you left them there and the next time you hop onto the compress… owch. 0.0
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
i hope that you got a good laugh out of that, as i did~! ^_^
i'll be sure to post more positive and regular entries soon, like, this summer soon~ but for now there's been a lot going on IRL and i dont have a lot of time to write~
Arigatou, everyone, for staying so long, heehee~! <3
~Re~
I haven't been posting anything but whiny, complaining posts lately so i thought that i might as well post something that's a bit more positive today!
So without further ado, here are 5 strange, hilarious, bad-idea things that i learned today!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
1) it's probably a bad idea to take a play tube (those tunnels kids crawl around in) and wear it while dancing around screaming "I'm a tube! I'm a dancing tube!" while going downstairs to show your family, 'cause inevitably you will trip and fall and everyone will laugh.
2) not a good idea to laugh hysterically when someone holds a watercup to your face after you've fallen cause 'you look thirsty' cause the water will no doubt spill on your face and said family member will be irked that they tried to be helpful and you couldn't stop laughing for two seconds to properly drink water.
3) it's best not to stand about idly while someone cleans the tub for you since they were kind enough to let you take a bath instead of a shower when it's already so late at night (and the water costs!) you best not stand there and talk while they scrub the tubby tub tub.
4) one should not sit in a running tub while being distracted by her iPod because the water's running and hot and eventually when you come to your mind you will realize that you're sitting in scalding water and jump out of the tub sloshing water everywhere and screaming your bloody lungs out.
5) not a good idea to leave decorative metal items on an electric hot compress since you will definitely forget you left them there and the next time you hop onto the compress… owch. 0.0
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
i hope that you got a good laugh out of that, as i did~! ^_^
i'll be sure to post more positive and regular entries soon, like, this summer soon~ but for now there's been a lot going on IRL and i dont have a lot of time to write~
Arigatou, everyone, for staying so long, heehee~! <3
~Re~
Monday, 26 May 2014
Her ~ Royal ~ Highness ~ (note the sarcasm)
Oh goodness.
I've really done nothing but complain lately, haven't I?
I mean, sure, plenty of really good things have happened so far, but i'm pissed i just really want more people than my private diary to know about it, and also when i'm happy, it shows on my face.
Anyway, why am i pissed off right now, you ask?
Well, there's really only one name to associate with it, right?
'Cause i'm cold, sitting uncomfortably on the ground, and feeling neglected because my stupid jerk of a friend just wants to do whatever she can to irk me.
(where's she? sitting at the table.)
anyway, this is what went down.
I was sitting in the library all comfortable and cuddled on a sofa, charging my computer, browsing through the internet.
then in struts Miss Queen of the Universe her Royal Highness Majesty Duchess Madam whatever else you wanna call her, and she plops herself down in the chair opposite to me.
then she starts complaining.
i humour her even though i'm busy and feeling a bit antisocial at this point, and then she's like, "go upstairs with me."
i answer, "i have a stomachache."
her: "I'll drag you then."
me: "piggy back or no deal."
her: "let it go~ let it go~"
then she leaves the room and then quickly comes back and gestures for me to follow her, and by this point in time, i'm already feeling really incredulous.
we go to a common area that only has uncomfortable chairs and tables and there's no charger for me to use, so i use an electrical socket in the hallway, meaning that i'm sitting on the ground.
(it isn't so much i mind sitting on the ground - it's actually a helluva lot more comfortable than a chair. i mean, all that free space! given that the ground is clean of course)
what i do mind isn't that i'm sitting on the ground (while Her Royal Highness sits in a chair a few metres away from me), what i DO mind is that she's not talking to me anyway. there's LITERALLY no interaction between us.
so WHY exactly do i need to sit here and freeze my butt off?
i wouldn't mind it if i were coddled for it. i know i sound demanding. but i don't think it's too much to ask, to ask one to sit closer to me, to talk to me, or thread one's fingers through my hair. (she has a habit of doing this if i'm sitting on the ground in front of her - it's actually quite relaxing)
anyway, and then her Royal Majesty comes up and whines at me to sit with her because she doesn't want to sit alone, so i'm forced to stop charging my computer and sit beside her in an uncomfortable chair while she ignores me.
Gee, what a friendship. =_=
~R~
I've really done nothing but complain lately, haven't I?
I mean, sure, plenty of really good things have happened so far, but i'm pissed i just really want more people than my private diary to know about it, and also when i'm happy, it shows on my face.
Anyway, why am i pissed off right now, you ask?
Well, there's really only one name to associate with it, right?
'Cause i'm cold, sitting uncomfortably on the ground, and feeling neglected because my stupid jerk of a friend just wants to do whatever she can to irk me.
(where's she? sitting at the table.)
anyway, this is what went down.
I was sitting in the library all comfortable and cuddled on a sofa, charging my computer, browsing through the internet.
then in struts Miss Queen of the Universe her Royal Highness Majesty Duchess Madam whatever else you wanna call her, and she plops herself down in the chair opposite to me.
then she starts complaining.
i humour her even though i'm busy and feeling a bit antisocial at this point, and then she's like, "go upstairs with me."
i answer, "i have a stomachache."
her: "I'll drag you then."
me: "piggy back or no deal."
her: "let it go~ let it go~"
then she leaves the room and then quickly comes back and gestures for me to follow her, and by this point in time, i'm already feeling really incredulous.
we go to a common area that only has uncomfortable chairs and tables and there's no charger for me to use, so i use an electrical socket in the hallway, meaning that i'm sitting on the ground.
(it isn't so much i mind sitting on the ground - it's actually a helluva lot more comfortable than a chair. i mean, all that free space! given that the ground is clean of course)
what i do mind isn't that i'm sitting on the ground (while Her Royal Highness sits in a chair a few metres away from me), what i DO mind is that she's not talking to me anyway. there's LITERALLY no interaction between us.
so WHY exactly do i need to sit here and freeze my butt off?
i wouldn't mind it if i were coddled for it. i know i sound demanding. but i don't think it's too much to ask, to ask one to sit closer to me, to talk to me, or thread one's fingers through my hair. (she has a habit of doing this if i'm sitting on the ground in front of her - it's actually quite relaxing)
anyway, and then her Royal Majesty comes up and whines at me to sit with her because she doesn't want to sit alone, so i'm forced to stop charging my computer and sit beside her in an uncomfortable chair while she ignores me.
Gee, what a friendship. =_=
~R~
Thursday, 22 May 2014
The Story of the Mysterious Green Clip // An Angry, Pitiful Rant
I'm a bit of a pushover.
Or, if you'd prefer, a bit of a people pleaser.
Or to put it in different terms, i'm a person that enjoys flattering people who enjoy being flattered.
Bottom line is, if i can make you happy, then that makes me happy. (most of the time, anyway)
But then there are these things called 'boundaries', which are these mysterious, invisible signs that yell, "don't even GO there!"
And this is a story about me, these invisible mysterious boundraries, "Mango," a moment of epiphany, and a strange green clip that has more significance than it appears.
I'll start by saying that i'm sorry that i'm always whining in some way or another about Mango. It's the first time i've ever had such an overbearing "bestie" and it's the first time i've had to think so deeply about whether or not a friendship is worth it.
--------------------
CONTEXT
--------------------
anyone who thinks, "well if you don't like her, just leave! stop being her friend!" - well, it's not that easy. it's a tiny school, i couldn't avoid her if i tried. besides, by this point, the mindset is sort of a "ugh, whatever. i give up. do as you please." annnnnnnnd of course, emotions play a large part in this too.
--------------------
and of course, this isn't to say that she's a bad person, because she isn't. i guess it's her personality, and who am i to judge her on it?
besides, there's a thin line between love and hate. i don't mind half the things that she wants me to do, but the condition is obviously that i want her to be truly happy when i do something for her (what's my motivation to make you happy if you're NEVER HAPPY????? i don't care if we're friends and that friends are supposed to make each other happy! why don't I get to be happy??), and of course, that she cherishes the friendship and treasures me and regards me as a person and not hired help.
(cause honestly? if you want a servant, hire a maid. i won't do it for free. that's not fair)
how many times has she taken the stuff i do for her, for granted? i hate the feeling of being left behind as she runs off without even thanking me for (say, writing her stupid essay?). what about a genuinely happy smile and a hug?
i guess you can gather from my tone that i'm feeling pretty pissy right now. (I am). like, you don't 'beckon me over' as though i was your pet instead of your friend. while not giving a f**k that i have a class to get to because "OBVIOUSLY" it's more important that i keep you company. (yeah, like, go f**k yourself).
and maybe i've considered that maybe it's my fauly. maybe i ought to stand up for myself more. maybe i ought to harden my heart and not let her bother me as much as i do. maybe i'm just being overly dependant on someone else. maybe it's not her, it's me.
but still, even if my views of friendship (and love and family and all that) are all sugar coated and naive and impossible, but i'd follow you to hell and back if you're someone that i love or care about. but i'd like to do that because i care about you, not because i'm scared of you.
that's where the real line between true and fake friendship lies.
-------------------------------
ONTO THE STORY ~
-------------------------------
i'm a person that's very symbolic.
everything has a meaning. that's also why i can get very attached to inanimate objects, as i see them as symbols of a different time, or as embodying a sort of love.
so when "Mango" gave me a cute green hairclip (the ridiculously cute type of hair ornament for little girls and not someone of my age - although i admit, i LOVE wearing cute baubles in my hair) for my birthday, it was meaningful to me, especially since she had a matching one.
it was "proof of our friendship - so wear it" (i quote)
and i did wear it. religiously. every day. at almost all times.
because she was my friend and the clip was proof of our friendship.
but the thing about proofs of friendship is, i start feeling obligated to make you feel happy. because we're friends, therefore, i should try and make you happy, right? that's what friends are for. (it's not..)
so, i had on this little green clip and every day just sort of got worse and worse and maybe it's my fault for not putting my foot down and setting up a clear "YOU CANNOT CROSS THIS INVISIBLE LINE OR I WILL BITCHSLAP YOU" but it got to the point where i felt as though that very green clip was the "only clip i could wear" because it's "proof that we're friends."
and THAT is when i realized, something was wrong.
("it's mind control! she's cursed the clip!" - yells I, as i try to find a solution to why i felt this way)
i guess you can say that in a way, the hairclip was a metaphorical collar.
she was already overbearing, overcontrolling, and not to mention, everyone knew that the clip was a gift from her to me. what better way to say, "this is MY friend. back off!" than a gift that's bright green and vividly in view of everyone else?
(and you might think me crazy for assuming these things, but truly, you don't know the kid. cray-cray doesn't even BEGIN to describe her. but maybe i'm cray-cray too, 'cause i'm puttin' up with it)
anyway, i wore that clip for a long time, feeling guilty and miserable and untrue to myself, until finally one day, i forgot that stupid clip.
i was running late for school and i forgot it on my nightstand, and didn't realize it until i got to school.
and in that moment, it was like having a moment of epiphany.
suddenly that day, everything felt RIGHT again.
i didn't feel as though i was "obligated" to make her happy. (i still do because i'd rather see a smile than a frown, although smiles are few and far between ANYWAY)
i didn't feel as though i "HAD" to follow her around or obey her or be a little doll friend.
I still did these things but i didn't feel as though it was expected and required of me anymore.
i was more confident after that - i still haven't regained all the parts of me (that she's shattered and thrown to the wind, if i want to make it sound pretty) yet, but i'm getting there.
it's kinda funny because the removal of a simple hairclip that truly just doesn't mean squat to anyone at all, can have such a big effect.
like a butterfly, ermeging from a cocoon.
okay, it's not that beautiful.
but you get the point.
if before i felt as though i was obligated to let her walk all over me "because we're friends!" , now i just let her because i'd rather not rock the boat.
it's not that much of a difference in physicality, i still do whatever she says (most of the times. sometimes we argue too, but i'd really just rather not deal with it)
---------------------
…well, i dont know what you're expecting.
i'm not some heroine and it wasn't going to be that great of a story.
(i already admitted in the title that i was just complaining, after all ~ )
but see, here's the thing about friendship.
it's a FRIENDSHIP.
there's mutuality in that.
if i am willing to plop myself down on the ground while you sit on the couch instead of kicking you off, damn right i will expect the same of you!
and i don't mind if someone's personality is just naturally overly controlling. i'd put up with it. as long as there's open communication, as long as said person is willing to stop doing something if it bothers me. (yanno, as opposed to turning up one's nose, huffing, and calling me overly sensitive - yeah, cause i'm TOTES overly sensitive since i dont let you have your way, ALL the time.
but honestly, that being said,
even if i'm the one in the wrong for letting her walk all over me,
i talk from a position in which i am unnaturally scared of her.
as in, i recognize her footsteps even if i dont see her and it makes the hair rise on the back of my neck.
THAT, my loves, is not a friendship.
i dont know what you'd call it, but it's not a friendship.
it feels more like she's getting off on some power trip.
i can tell that i don't mean diddly squat to her.
how can we call ourselves "besties" if i dont mean anything to her? (yanno, other than a person that puts up with her and does her work for her)
and the sad thing is, my other "bestie" (who'll be my "university bestie") isn't all that much better. she's a helluva lot nicer but our personalities grind against each other.
i guess it's because she just really likes whining and complaining (especially about her boyfriend, but basically everything is fair game. she is also really, really negative sometimes) while i (i complain and whine too, but only about Mango!) just really need a bestie that would go with me to conventions, who'll cosplay with me, who'll RP with me, who has ambitions as well as passions.
maybe it's unfair of me to want so much of someone.
but it'd be really nice, yanno?
and if said bestie (or future boyfriend??? kyaaaa!) would coddle me, that's all the better.
la de da ~
sorry that complaining is the first thing i do right after being absent for so long la ~
i'll try to be more positive next time ~
~ =3=
~Rere~
Or, if you'd prefer, a bit of a people pleaser.
Or to put it in different terms, i'm a person that enjoys flattering people who enjoy being flattered.
Bottom line is, if i can make you happy, then that makes me happy. (most of the time, anyway)
But then there are these things called 'boundaries', which are these mysterious, invisible signs that yell, "don't even GO there!"
And this is a story about me, these invisible mysterious boundraries, "Mango," a moment of epiphany, and a strange green clip that has more significance than it appears.
I'll start by saying that i'm sorry that i'm always whining in some way or another about Mango. It's the first time i've ever had such an overbearing "bestie" and it's the first time i've had to think so deeply about whether or not a friendship is worth it.
--------------------
CONTEXT
--------------------
anyone who thinks, "well if you don't like her, just leave! stop being her friend!" - well, it's not that easy. it's a tiny school, i couldn't avoid her if i tried. besides, by this point, the mindset is sort of a "ugh, whatever. i give up. do as you please." annnnnnnnd of course, emotions play a large part in this too.
--------------------
and of course, this isn't to say that she's a bad person, because she isn't. i guess it's her personality, and who am i to judge her on it?
besides, there's a thin line between love and hate. i don't mind half the things that she wants me to do, but the condition is obviously that i want her to be truly happy when i do something for her (what's my motivation to make you happy if you're NEVER HAPPY????? i don't care if we're friends and that friends are supposed to make each other happy! why don't I get to be happy??), and of course, that she cherishes the friendship and treasures me and regards me as a person and not hired help.
(cause honestly? if you want a servant, hire a maid. i won't do it for free. that's not fair)
how many times has she taken the stuff i do for her, for granted? i hate the feeling of being left behind as she runs off without even thanking me for (say, writing her stupid essay?). what about a genuinely happy smile and a hug?
i guess you can gather from my tone that i'm feeling pretty pissy right now. (I am). like, you don't 'beckon me over' as though i was your pet instead of your friend. while not giving a f**k that i have a class to get to because "OBVIOUSLY" it's more important that i keep you company. (yeah, like, go f**k yourself).
and maybe i've considered that maybe it's my fauly. maybe i ought to stand up for myself more. maybe i ought to harden my heart and not let her bother me as much as i do. maybe i'm just being overly dependant on someone else. maybe it's not her, it's me.
but still, even if my views of friendship (and love and family and all that) are all sugar coated and naive and impossible, but i'd follow you to hell and back if you're someone that i love or care about. but i'd like to do that because i care about you, not because i'm scared of you.
that's where the real line between true and fake friendship lies.
-------------------------------
ONTO THE STORY ~
-------------------------------
i'm a person that's very symbolic.
everything has a meaning. that's also why i can get very attached to inanimate objects, as i see them as symbols of a different time, or as embodying a sort of love.
so when "Mango" gave me a cute green hairclip (the ridiculously cute type of hair ornament for little girls and not someone of my age - although i admit, i LOVE wearing cute baubles in my hair) for my birthday, it was meaningful to me, especially since she had a matching one.
it was "proof of our friendship - so wear it" (i quote)
and i did wear it. religiously. every day. at almost all times.
because she was my friend and the clip was proof of our friendship.
but the thing about proofs of friendship is, i start feeling obligated to make you feel happy. because we're friends, therefore, i should try and make you happy, right? that's what friends are for. (it's not..)
so, i had on this little green clip and every day just sort of got worse and worse and maybe it's my fault for not putting my foot down and setting up a clear "YOU CANNOT CROSS THIS INVISIBLE LINE OR I WILL BITCHSLAP YOU" but it got to the point where i felt as though that very green clip was the "only clip i could wear" because it's "proof that we're friends."
and THAT is when i realized, something was wrong.
("it's mind control! she's cursed the clip!" - yells I, as i try to find a solution to why i felt this way)
i guess you can say that in a way, the hairclip was a metaphorical collar.
she was already overbearing, overcontrolling, and not to mention, everyone knew that the clip was a gift from her to me. what better way to say, "this is MY friend. back off!" than a gift that's bright green and vividly in view of everyone else?
(and you might think me crazy for assuming these things, but truly, you don't know the kid. cray-cray doesn't even BEGIN to describe her. but maybe i'm cray-cray too, 'cause i'm puttin' up with it)
anyway, i wore that clip for a long time, feeling guilty and miserable and untrue to myself, until finally one day, i forgot that stupid clip.
i was running late for school and i forgot it on my nightstand, and didn't realize it until i got to school.
and in that moment, it was like having a moment of epiphany.
suddenly that day, everything felt RIGHT again.
i didn't feel as though i was "obligated" to make her happy. (i still do because i'd rather see a smile than a frown, although smiles are few and far between ANYWAY)
i didn't feel as though i "HAD" to follow her around or obey her or be a little doll friend.
I still did these things but i didn't feel as though it was expected and required of me anymore.
i was more confident after that - i still haven't regained all the parts of me (that she's shattered and thrown to the wind, if i want to make it sound pretty) yet, but i'm getting there.
it's kinda funny because the removal of a simple hairclip that truly just doesn't mean squat to anyone at all, can have such a big effect.
like a butterfly, ermeging from a cocoon.
okay, it's not that beautiful.
but you get the point.
if before i felt as though i was obligated to let her walk all over me "because we're friends!" , now i just let her because i'd rather not rock the boat.
it's not that much of a difference in physicality, i still do whatever she says (most of the times. sometimes we argue too, but i'd really just rather not deal with it)
---------------------
…well, i dont know what you're expecting.
i'm not some heroine and it wasn't going to be that great of a story.
(i already admitted in the title that i was just complaining, after all ~ )
but see, here's the thing about friendship.
it's a FRIENDSHIP.
there's mutuality in that.
if i am willing to plop myself down on the ground while you sit on the couch instead of kicking you off, damn right i will expect the same of you!
and i don't mind if someone's personality is just naturally overly controlling. i'd put up with it. as long as there's open communication, as long as said person is willing to stop doing something if it bothers me. (yanno, as opposed to turning up one's nose, huffing, and calling me overly sensitive - yeah, cause i'm TOTES overly sensitive since i dont let you have your way, ALL the time.
but honestly, that being said,
even if i'm the one in the wrong for letting her walk all over me,
i talk from a position in which i am unnaturally scared of her.
as in, i recognize her footsteps even if i dont see her and it makes the hair rise on the back of my neck.
THAT, my loves, is not a friendship.
i dont know what you'd call it, but it's not a friendship.
it feels more like she's getting off on some power trip.
i can tell that i don't mean diddly squat to her.
how can we call ourselves "besties" if i dont mean anything to her? (yanno, other than a person that puts up with her and does her work for her)
and the sad thing is, my other "bestie" (who'll be my "university bestie") isn't all that much better. she's a helluva lot nicer but our personalities grind against each other.
i guess it's because she just really likes whining and complaining (especially about her boyfriend, but basically everything is fair game. she is also really, really negative sometimes) while i (i complain and whine too, but only about Mango!) just really need a bestie that would go with me to conventions, who'll cosplay with me, who'll RP with me, who has ambitions as well as passions.
maybe it's unfair of me to want so much of someone.
but it'd be really nice, yanno?
and if said bestie (or future boyfriend??? kyaaaa!) would coddle me, that's all the better.
la de da ~
sorry that complaining is the first thing i do right after being absent for so long la ~
i'll try to be more positive next time ~
~ =3=
~Rere~
Tuesday, 22 April 2014
10 Reasons Why I Hate My Best Friend, and 5 Reasons Why I Love Her
You all know what i mean, right?
We all have that one friend that you can't decide whether you love her (or him), or hate her (or him).
Usually it balances out in the end, but for this "bestie" of mine, it definitely does not, and that's where i know to draw the line and say, "good riddance!" because as long as i hate her more than i love her, this friendship is one that is doomed to fail.
Now, if any of you remember my posts from a long, long time ago, about a girl i name "Mango," then that's her.
As a general premise, the two of us are a pair of dysfunctional "best friends."
I don't think we're really good friends, or even friends in general, but she dubs us "besties" and so i'll roll with it.
Why don't i think we're friends?
I'd argue that we're more like sisters. The first year i met her, we were like friends. We talked, we had fun, we enjoyed our time together.
After that, it all went downhill. She doesn't confide in me, we can't talk about the random, silly things that friends tend to talk about, and right now, i feel we're more like sisters that rely on each other instead of connect with each other.
It's been a fun (albeit extremist) ride, but i'll be glad to say goodbye and go my own way once the year fades away.
Without further ado, here are 10 reasons why i hate my bestie, and 5 reasons i love her.
1) She is a hypocrite
one type of person i've always disliked was the hypocrite. i dislike how with her, there are lists upon lists of things that i'm not allowed to do, things that she won't support, things she'll get mad at me for doing, but once you turn around and it's her doing those things, one little comment from me and she'll bust into a "oh, don't be so sensitive!" mode.
a non-extreme example is how when she has nothing to do or doesn't want to do anything, she demands my full attention. computer? put it away. phone? put it away. food? put it away. i must, i absolutely must, have my entire attention on her. turn the dial, and if she's the one with the computer, the phone, the food, and i'm bored as all hell, she'll ignore me and all my needs. "come on, let's go eat. you can still surf the internet." "no! i don't want to!" she'll childishly exclaim back to me.
2) She has "Princess Syndrome"
or in other words, 公主病. perhaps my definition will not be the most accurate, but she is someone who believes that she deserves all the best, and will never be thankful for anything that she receives. i cannot count the number of times that she has taken me for granted. "write my essay." "call (so and so) for me." "bring this to my locker." sure, she says please and thank you, but is she really thankful? She's just glad to have someone that is compliant enough to deal with that sort of BS.
besides, whoever's heard of someone that cannot call another person by themselves, who cannot walk to their lockers, among a huge list of other things? she is not a princess, and i am not hired help. it wouldn't be half as bad if she did things for me also, but everytime she does me a favour, she insists for something in return. she claims, "you owe me." when everything i've done for her could exceed what she does for me, a thousand times over.
or how she will turn up her nose and command me to do things without being the least bit thankful. just today, i had to talk in her favour to a couple of girls who wanted to use the seminar room that we were in. she adamently stared at her computer while i made excuses for her. not even a 'thank you' in sight once i was done. just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean that you can pass up your manners. you're not a princess. you don't live in a palace. this sort of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and once i am done with her, i will never, ever, ever (Taylor Swift style, ever ever ever) be friends with someone like that, EVER AGAIN.
3) She is selfish
everything has to be about her. it's all about her. nobody can be higher or better than her. she's got to go first, be first, and be the most respected. if those merits are her own by her own hard work then i've got nothing to say. but she appears are better, best, the top, by pushing others down. or primarily, me, as to her i am simply her lapdog. i'm the one constantly by her side, and thus, the one she possibly compares herself most to.
i can straight out say, there's nothing to compare to. yet, time and time again, if i'm sad, she's definitely got to be sadder. if i'm angry, she's got to be more angry. if i'm hungry, she's got to be more hungry. if i'm happy, she's got to be happier. everything and everytime.
just awhile ago (this is also another mild case, as to not completely blow your mind), i was just rejected from a volunteer program that i wanted to be a part of. the wound is fresh in my heart. i tell her so, and her response is, "i got waitlisted for the program i wanted to be a part of!" and made a huge deal out of it for the rest of the day.
and not to mention the countless times she insists on borrowing my computer, my phone, to play stupid games like 2048 (okay, i enjoy it personally, but if she's going to be hoarding my computer's battery just to satisfy her need for it? nu-uh!) while in return she makes it a huge deal about how generous she is whenever i want to borrow hers. (or flat out refuses. "i need to keep it 100% charged! it's almost out of battery!" bullshit excuses like those).
corelated to this but not connected, is her use of whining to get what she wants. want my computer? "pleaaaaaaase!! pleaaaaaaaase!! pleeeeeeeeeeaaaassseeeeeee! just this once, i promise!" (well honey, you've said that line half a million times already. i'm not so trusting as to believe that this truly is "one last time"!) and if i ever refuse she stomps away, furious that i won't let her use MY electronics, and will give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day, as if it is MY fault.
another example - i had a drama rehearsal with my team while we had a kindergarten buddy meeting. i tell her i'll be down in fifteen minutes. she keeps screaming, "NO!!!" and later switches tactics to, "You're so selfish!" (To which i respond, "why? how am i selfish? I'm selfish for being there for my team when they need me?") "well, you're not being there for me! that's selfish!" (how i was tempted to yell back, "then the selfish one is YOU!" but i held myself back. not to mention the repercussions if i don't show up for that class…! not that she gives a damn.)
4) The way she treats her boyfriends / ex-boyfriends
i'm not expert on this subject. i have never been in a relationship before. so perhaps in a way, my view on having a boyfriend is very naive, and very childish. but what i do believe, and i hope to always believe, is that relationships are mutual, and that love is the most important thing. frankly, i don't believe in chivalry. i believe in being equals. which is why her treatment of her boyfriends or her attitude towards her ex-boyfriends, PISSES ME OFF.
her demand towards her boyfriends are entirely too much. she's materialistic. they do all sorts of nice things for her, but she never appreciates the things they do. flowers, chocolates, bears, she has them all, but while she says "thanks!" to them, she turns around and starts complaining to me.
it is especially her treatment of a recent ex-boyfriend that irks me the most. and by recent i mean SEVERAL MONTHS. truth is, people fall out of love. (truth is, sometimes people can't put up with your bullshittery?) truth is, everyone ends up getting a new significant other.
and even now, several months later, she is still whining about the same ex-boyfriend. she was the one who suggested that they break up. he took it in stride, going on his merry way without kicking up a fuss. he finds a new girlfriend, one that i don't know personally. but from what i hear, she appears to be a very sweet person, and he loves her. now, Mango is constantly whining about him, in his finding a new girlfriend, in the things she does. she claims that he is rubbing his new love in her face.
and she said to me, and i quote, "i don't love him anymore, but it bothers me." ("what do you want? to get back together with him?) "no, i don't. i don't love him. i just want him to love me." ("so, what's the issue here?") "i want to ruin his life! I want him to always be unhappy because he can't have me!" (like, whoaa girl, rein in your horses. sure, it's natural to feel bitter about break ups, but if you truly loved someone, you'd wish for their happiness right? besides, it was YOUR idea to break up. i'm sure that the poor boy would still be with you if you hadn't suggested such a thing.
5) Denial
i'm all for admitting one's flaws. we're all flawed. that's what makes us human, and that's what allows us to move forth in life, and become out best self. that's why i hate denial. i won't deny the fact that sometimes i'm in denial too, but she really takes it to an extreme. she'll deny the things that i remember her saying, her doing, and even my feelings. how can she deny that? how can i tell her, "you made me feel upset. frustrated." and have her say, "no, that's not true. no you don't." ?
in her memory, she is always the one that is wronged, and not the one that has done something wrong. she'll deny everything, even things that she herself said. "it's a joke," she'll say, "I didn't mean that," she'll say.
another example - once we were sharing a hotel room during a conference, and she told me she was sorry. that she's been aggressive lately. that she hopes that i won't hold it against her. that she doesn't understand why she's aggressive but she is. time-skip a few days, we're sitting in class and i'm pissed off because she does her "pleeeeease! pleaaaase! pleaaaaase!" to play a game of 2048 on my computer, so i'm sitting there all moody. (I even told her that i would get her computer from her locker for her, but she made some bullshit excuse about not wanting her computer in that room).
then she says, "i feel as though there is tension between us." (like, DUH! i'd be a saint if i weren't pissed with you and your cruddy attitude. not that i'd admit that to her face, but, it's true). and i tell her, "well, that's because you've been aggressive lately. and i'm naturally quite passive aggressive. and that doesn't fit well together." and she instantly springs on the defense and says, "since when am i aggressive? huh? huh?! give me an example!" "uh… well, you were the one who said so…" "THAT'S A JOKE!! don't you understand what a joke is?!" (the conversation goes onto me saying, "fine, i'm just tired and confused then." and she yells, "WELL I'M MORE TIRED AND CONFUSED THAN YOU ARE."
the denial thing has to be one of the things that i dislike the most about her. i revel in flaws. i love flaws. it's not my "good points" that make me special, it's my "bad points." if she'd not deny things, if she'd admit them, i'd have a lot more respect for her.
6) Her hate for kids
i love kids. i cannot stress that enough. I LOVE KIDS. i find them adorable. even though there are brats out there that i can't deal well with, i still love kids. i have 4 younger cousins and even when they piss me off, i adore them, i love them to pieces. and maybe it's the fact that i have little cousins that i love, that i am unable to stomach her attitude towards kids.
for her, it's all about appearance. it's not beyond her to comment, "look, look at that. if that were my kid, i'd starve her. i'd hate for my kid to look like that."(if i give her an incredulous look, she'll demand, "what, wouldn't you?! do you WANT a fat kid?!" like, no, i wouldn't explicitely wish for a fat kid, but if s/he were fat, i wouldn't give a crap! that'd be my kid, and i love her the way she was!) or our kindergarten buddy, on the other hand. i find the kid absolutely adorable. sure, she's bratty sometimes, but she's just the sweetest little thing, whereas she is constantly bashing on a frikkin' FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD. "i hate her," "she's ugly," "she's noisy," "she doesn't speak," "i just hate her so much!" things like that.
once we were making a card for the little cutie pie. for christmas. Mango explicitely tells me to draw an ugly picture for her, and to draw thieves stealing her presents. another time, she pouts for an hour straight because the kid wouldn't give her the glue cap.
the child's five. she's adorable. and Mango has the nerve to constantly bash on her. i find her hate for children unnatural. it's one thing to dislike kids as a general, but i don't think that anybody in their right mind would constantly and openly make such cruel remarks about a child.
7) Pointing fingers
one of the things that makes me lose respect for someone the most is when they point fingers. throw blame around. put others under the bus. and she is one that is an expert at this. it's never HER fault, of COURSE not. she's the princess, how can it POSSIBLY be her fault?
i think that if it comes down to it, the best thing to do is to admit that you make a mistake, learn from it, and move on. there's no need to blame others for your failures, for your mistakes. the way she always shifts things around is infuriating. it ties into being hyprocritical as well. if i forget something she'll never let me live it down. if she forgets, she'll get mad at me for remembering it in the first place.
she's even attempted to pin the blame on me for a class i'm not even in before. apparantly it illicted a laugh from the class, and i do find it hilarious that she'd even go that far to try blaming me in a class i don't take, but at the end of the day, the deal is that she cannot accept that she did something wrong, and has to throw me under the bus.
or how many times she's accused me, shifted the blame to me. it's all MY fault in her world. everything is MY fault. if something goes wrong, it's because of ME.
8) The inability to talk
What's the use in a friend that you can't talk to? one of the major components that makes me resent her is the ability to talk. i cannot bring up a random subject because she won't accept it. she'll turn up her nose. she'll smirk. she'll call me stupid. we can never talk about something i want to talk about. we talk about what SHE wants to talk about, or she just ignores me completely.
What's the use in that? I don't want to constantly be the one listening. I want to have my opinion heard once in awhile too. And whenever we're together and with others and i speak out, or if i am having my voice her, she is usually eager to drag me away or to oppose my words.
or whenever we are sitting together, or i say good morning. we don't talk. it's a simple nod. i despise that. especially if she's in a bad mood, then she'll not talk at all. she'll pout and sulk the entire day.
also inc corelation but not directly related? She loves making weird sounds and swatting me, for no apparant reason. "Nnnnghh!!" and then a quick slap on the arm. like sure, that doesn't seem to make you look stupid at all. Or how she constantly yells "WAIT FOR ME!!" while giving me an ugly, strict face, even though i haven't moved at all. Tourettes much?
again in corelation but not directly related - she constantly yells at me for using my "kiddy voice" to talk to our kindergarten buddy. (higher pitched, sweeter, the baby voice), while whenever she calls her mom or talks to her online friends, she uses this sickeningly sweet, bubblegum-Asian, Japanese-idol-group voice that sends shivers up my spine. What, i can't do it but she can? Geez.
9) She's racist and homophobic
in a way i suppose that if it is her own choice that i have nothing i can say for it. but i do not believe that race of sexual preference can possibly make anyone "lesser than." ultimately, we're all human. we all have hopes and dreams and fears and regrets. how can she possibly judge someone based on their skin or on their sexual preference? what does it matter if a person is black, brown, yellow, white, or anything in between? what does it matter if a guy likes a guy, or if a girl likes a girl, or if a guy feels like a girl, or vice versa? are we not all human?
i wouldn't be as offended by this if she didn't explicitely state it. i wouldn't feel so bad if other people actually AGREE with her. maybe it's a cultural thing, i wouldn't know. for me, i do know i have a lot of prejudices as a result of what my family believes in, or is against. but that doesn't stop me from at least treating them as humans. i try not to badmouth them behind their back. (okay, i admit, sometimes i do, but that's a whole other blog entry in itself).
what i remember the most is an issue about Japan. it particularily stuck by me because i love Japan. (yes, yes, refer to the weeaboo post). it's one thing if she insults me personally, but it's another if she brings my family into it. or their background. whatever.
i remember she was yelling "ri! ri! ri!" (日) in Mandarin (in regards to her ex) and when i asked her about it, she said it was a bad word. And then she said, "it's a bad word because it's part of 日本!" (Japan). i can say that i was beyond shocked. not just because i love Japan, not just because i have extended family members who are Japanese, but simply because of the ignorance that this sentence evokes. as though there is something WRONG with another nation. no. simply NO.
sure, we can bring culture into things. maybe it's the way she was taught. but just because we are taught a certain way doesn't mean we ought to blindly accept it. shouldn't we question the validity of the things we are taught? question the motives, the deliverer?
and what about her blatant homophobia? what's wrong with loving the same gender? love is blind, is it not? shouldn't you love somebody for their personality, for who they are, rather than their genitals?
10) She has no drive, no passions. among many more.
ten things honestly is not enough to sum up all the things that i resent about her. we've done "friendship therapy" before - listing things we liked and disliked about each other. she had a list of at least 40 things i hated about her. but i think these 10 things emcompass most aspects that i dislike.
and this tenth one is a little bit of a preference. but it irks me that she has no true desires from life, no true passion. if that is so, then aren't you just existing, and not really living at all? This is just preference, of course.
but i believe that it is crucial to have passions in life. to have hopes and dreams. if we walk in the same rut day after day, then where do we find ourselves? shouldn't we at least try to claw our way out of that mundane life? even just a tiny spark of passion is enough. whether it be shopping, gaming, writing, designing - anything works, as long as its something.
1) Hard-Working
while she denies being hard working ("oh, i NEVER study!", among other phrases) i can see that she actually is a hard worker that cares about her studies. i find this very admirable. to be able to sit down and concentrate on such a boring thing, and come up with such elaborate lab reports and what not, i find that very, very admirable indeed.
i love people that work hard. i love it when people give it their all, give it their best, and put their heart into doing something. it's something that dazzles me every time.
no matter how much she denies it, this is a trait that i definitely admire. if only i could be as hard working as she is, i'm sure i would be able to make everyone proud. (and finish things that i start).
2) Cleverness
i'm not sure if this is her or me, but i find it clever that she somehow has the ability to balance love and hate with me. she'll piss me off and piss me off but then turn a switch and make her love her by acting all sweet and caring and having a meaningful conversation.
if this is her doing (as opposed to me simply forgetting) then i admire the cleverness that it takes. i wouldn't be able to do that. i wouldn't be able to play the puppet strings in the way that she does.
3) Her Persistance
yeah, it gets annoying when her persistance is "pleeeeeease! pleeeeeease! pleeeeeeease! last time i promiseeeeee!" but in a way, it really is admirable. to care so little about how ridiculous it makes you sound, to constantly repeat the same things, again and again, without fail, until you get the outcome you want.
that's pretty cool in itself, isn't it? "fake it till you make it", after all!
4) Mutliple Personalities
i guess we're all chameleons. we act certain way around certain people and then not in front of others. but i find that she's a master chameleon. she has so many faces and standards that it's impossible to keep track of them all. that'd be a trait i'd love to be able to imitate.
5) Her Prettiness
yes, that's right. this lovely not so lovely friend of mine, is a pretty girl. That's one thing i'll always be envious of, that's how pretty she is. she's pretty and she knows it.
i wish i were, too.
Bonus: Why I Don't Leave Her
it's beacuse i'm weak. i don't know how.
i'm scared that if i rock the boat before the year ends naturally, that i'll end up friendless, or worse. (she does have video footage of me acting like an idiot). i'm scared of her.
i don't like rejection.
im scared of her power, of how she is able to stay on my mind so long after we have parted ways.
frankly, i'm terrified of her.
which is probably why she plays me like a puppet on a string. probably why she's so incredibly over-controlling with me. (and when i say over-controlling, i do damn right mean over-controlling! she'll even go as far as to tell me what i can and cannot eat, when we used to go to McDonalds for lunch…! "no ice cream for you!"
Well, i guess that's that.
There's so much more going on these days, with Mango.
I hope this list helps you, as the reader, to identify the bad friends in your life. and to realise that you can't keep 'em all.
sometimes, it's just time to let go.
and trust me, it'll make your life a thousand times better once you do.
Ganbatte ne~!
<3
~Rena~~
We all have that one friend that you can't decide whether you love her (or him), or hate her (or him).
Usually it balances out in the end, but for this "bestie" of mine, it definitely does not, and that's where i know to draw the line and say, "good riddance!" because as long as i hate her more than i love her, this friendship is one that is doomed to fail.
Now, if any of you remember my posts from a long, long time ago, about a girl i name "Mango," then that's her.
As a general premise, the two of us are a pair of dysfunctional "best friends."
I don't think we're really good friends, or even friends in general, but she dubs us "besties" and so i'll roll with it.
Why don't i think we're friends?
I'd argue that we're more like sisters. The first year i met her, we were like friends. We talked, we had fun, we enjoyed our time together.
After that, it all went downhill. She doesn't confide in me, we can't talk about the random, silly things that friends tend to talk about, and right now, i feel we're more like sisters that rely on each other instead of connect with each other.
It's been a fun (albeit extremist) ride, but i'll be glad to say goodbye and go my own way once the year fades away.
Without further ado, here are 10 reasons why i hate my bestie, and 5 reasons i love her.
1) She is a hypocrite
one type of person i've always disliked was the hypocrite. i dislike how with her, there are lists upon lists of things that i'm not allowed to do, things that she won't support, things she'll get mad at me for doing, but once you turn around and it's her doing those things, one little comment from me and she'll bust into a "oh, don't be so sensitive!" mode.
a non-extreme example is how when she has nothing to do or doesn't want to do anything, she demands my full attention. computer? put it away. phone? put it away. food? put it away. i must, i absolutely must, have my entire attention on her. turn the dial, and if she's the one with the computer, the phone, the food, and i'm bored as all hell, she'll ignore me and all my needs. "come on, let's go eat. you can still surf the internet." "no! i don't want to!" she'll childishly exclaim back to me.
2) She has "Princess Syndrome"
or in other words, 公主病. perhaps my definition will not be the most accurate, but she is someone who believes that she deserves all the best, and will never be thankful for anything that she receives. i cannot count the number of times that she has taken me for granted. "write my essay." "call (so and so) for me." "bring this to my locker." sure, she says please and thank you, but is she really thankful? She's just glad to have someone that is compliant enough to deal with that sort of BS.
besides, whoever's heard of someone that cannot call another person by themselves, who cannot walk to their lockers, among a huge list of other things? she is not a princess, and i am not hired help. it wouldn't be half as bad if she did things for me also, but everytime she does me a favour, she insists for something in return. she claims, "you owe me." when everything i've done for her could exceed what she does for me, a thousand times over.
or how she will turn up her nose and command me to do things without being the least bit thankful. just today, i had to talk in her favour to a couple of girls who wanted to use the seminar room that we were in. she adamently stared at her computer while i made excuses for her. not even a 'thank you' in sight once i was done. just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean that you can pass up your manners. you're not a princess. you don't live in a palace. this sort of behaviour is absolutely unacceptable and once i am done with her, i will never, ever, ever (Taylor Swift style, ever ever ever) be friends with someone like that, EVER AGAIN.
3) She is selfish
everything has to be about her. it's all about her. nobody can be higher or better than her. she's got to go first, be first, and be the most respected. if those merits are her own by her own hard work then i've got nothing to say. but she appears are better, best, the top, by pushing others down. or primarily, me, as to her i am simply her lapdog. i'm the one constantly by her side, and thus, the one she possibly compares herself most to.
i can straight out say, there's nothing to compare to. yet, time and time again, if i'm sad, she's definitely got to be sadder. if i'm angry, she's got to be more angry. if i'm hungry, she's got to be more hungry. if i'm happy, she's got to be happier. everything and everytime.
just awhile ago (this is also another mild case, as to not completely blow your mind), i was just rejected from a volunteer program that i wanted to be a part of. the wound is fresh in my heart. i tell her so, and her response is, "i got waitlisted for the program i wanted to be a part of!" and made a huge deal out of it for the rest of the day.
and not to mention the countless times she insists on borrowing my computer, my phone, to play stupid games like 2048 (okay, i enjoy it personally, but if she's going to be hoarding my computer's battery just to satisfy her need for it? nu-uh!) while in return she makes it a huge deal about how generous she is whenever i want to borrow hers. (or flat out refuses. "i need to keep it 100% charged! it's almost out of battery!" bullshit excuses like those).
corelated to this but not connected, is her use of whining to get what she wants. want my computer? "pleaaaaaaase!! pleaaaaaaaase!! pleeeeeeeeeeaaaassseeeeeee! just this once, i promise!" (well honey, you've said that line half a million times already. i'm not so trusting as to believe that this truly is "one last time"!) and if i ever refuse she stomps away, furious that i won't let her use MY electronics, and will give me the cold shoulder for the rest of the day, as if it is MY fault.
another example - i had a drama rehearsal with my team while we had a kindergarten buddy meeting. i tell her i'll be down in fifteen minutes. she keeps screaming, "NO!!!" and later switches tactics to, "You're so selfish!" (To which i respond, "why? how am i selfish? I'm selfish for being there for my team when they need me?") "well, you're not being there for me! that's selfish!" (how i was tempted to yell back, "then the selfish one is YOU!" but i held myself back. not to mention the repercussions if i don't show up for that class…! not that she gives a damn.)
4) The way she treats her boyfriends / ex-boyfriends
i'm not expert on this subject. i have never been in a relationship before. so perhaps in a way, my view on having a boyfriend is very naive, and very childish. but what i do believe, and i hope to always believe, is that relationships are mutual, and that love is the most important thing. frankly, i don't believe in chivalry. i believe in being equals. which is why her treatment of her boyfriends or her attitude towards her ex-boyfriends, PISSES ME OFF.
her demand towards her boyfriends are entirely too much. she's materialistic. they do all sorts of nice things for her, but she never appreciates the things they do. flowers, chocolates, bears, she has them all, but while she says "thanks!" to them, she turns around and starts complaining to me.
it is especially her treatment of a recent ex-boyfriend that irks me the most. and by recent i mean SEVERAL MONTHS. truth is, people fall out of love. (truth is, sometimes people can't put up with your bullshittery?) truth is, everyone ends up getting a new significant other.
and even now, several months later, she is still whining about the same ex-boyfriend. she was the one who suggested that they break up. he took it in stride, going on his merry way without kicking up a fuss. he finds a new girlfriend, one that i don't know personally. but from what i hear, she appears to be a very sweet person, and he loves her. now, Mango is constantly whining about him, in his finding a new girlfriend, in the things she does. she claims that he is rubbing his new love in her face.
and she said to me, and i quote, "i don't love him anymore, but it bothers me." ("what do you want? to get back together with him?) "no, i don't. i don't love him. i just want him to love me." ("so, what's the issue here?") "i want to ruin his life! I want him to always be unhappy because he can't have me!" (like, whoaa girl, rein in your horses. sure, it's natural to feel bitter about break ups, but if you truly loved someone, you'd wish for their happiness right? besides, it was YOUR idea to break up. i'm sure that the poor boy would still be with you if you hadn't suggested such a thing.
5) Denial
i'm all for admitting one's flaws. we're all flawed. that's what makes us human, and that's what allows us to move forth in life, and become out best self. that's why i hate denial. i won't deny the fact that sometimes i'm in denial too, but she really takes it to an extreme. she'll deny the things that i remember her saying, her doing, and even my feelings. how can she deny that? how can i tell her, "you made me feel upset. frustrated." and have her say, "no, that's not true. no you don't." ?
in her memory, she is always the one that is wronged, and not the one that has done something wrong. she'll deny everything, even things that she herself said. "it's a joke," she'll say, "I didn't mean that," she'll say.
another example - once we were sharing a hotel room during a conference, and she told me she was sorry. that she's been aggressive lately. that she hopes that i won't hold it against her. that she doesn't understand why she's aggressive but she is. time-skip a few days, we're sitting in class and i'm pissed off because she does her "pleeeeease! pleaaaase! pleaaaaase!" to play a game of 2048 on my computer, so i'm sitting there all moody. (I even told her that i would get her computer from her locker for her, but she made some bullshit excuse about not wanting her computer in that room).
then she says, "i feel as though there is tension between us." (like, DUH! i'd be a saint if i weren't pissed with you and your cruddy attitude. not that i'd admit that to her face, but, it's true). and i tell her, "well, that's because you've been aggressive lately. and i'm naturally quite passive aggressive. and that doesn't fit well together." and she instantly springs on the defense and says, "since when am i aggressive? huh? huh?! give me an example!" "uh… well, you were the one who said so…" "THAT'S A JOKE!! don't you understand what a joke is?!" (the conversation goes onto me saying, "fine, i'm just tired and confused then." and she yells, "WELL I'M MORE TIRED AND CONFUSED THAN YOU ARE."
the denial thing has to be one of the things that i dislike the most about her. i revel in flaws. i love flaws. it's not my "good points" that make me special, it's my "bad points." if she'd not deny things, if she'd admit them, i'd have a lot more respect for her.
6) Her hate for kids
i love kids. i cannot stress that enough. I LOVE KIDS. i find them adorable. even though there are brats out there that i can't deal well with, i still love kids. i have 4 younger cousins and even when they piss me off, i adore them, i love them to pieces. and maybe it's the fact that i have little cousins that i love, that i am unable to stomach her attitude towards kids.
for her, it's all about appearance. it's not beyond her to comment, "look, look at that. if that were my kid, i'd starve her. i'd hate for my kid to look like that."(if i give her an incredulous look, she'll demand, "what, wouldn't you?! do you WANT a fat kid?!" like, no, i wouldn't explicitely wish for a fat kid, but if s/he were fat, i wouldn't give a crap! that'd be my kid, and i love her the way she was!) or our kindergarten buddy, on the other hand. i find the kid absolutely adorable. sure, she's bratty sometimes, but she's just the sweetest little thing, whereas she is constantly bashing on a frikkin' FIVE YEAR OLD CHILD. "i hate her," "she's ugly," "she's noisy," "she doesn't speak," "i just hate her so much!" things like that.
once we were making a card for the little cutie pie. for christmas. Mango explicitely tells me to draw an ugly picture for her, and to draw thieves stealing her presents. another time, she pouts for an hour straight because the kid wouldn't give her the glue cap.
the child's five. she's adorable. and Mango has the nerve to constantly bash on her. i find her hate for children unnatural. it's one thing to dislike kids as a general, but i don't think that anybody in their right mind would constantly and openly make such cruel remarks about a child.
7) Pointing fingers
one of the things that makes me lose respect for someone the most is when they point fingers. throw blame around. put others under the bus. and she is one that is an expert at this. it's never HER fault, of COURSE not. she's the princess, how can it POSSIBLY be her fault?
i think that if it comes down to it, the best thing to do is to admit that you make a mistake, learn from it, and move on. there's no need to blame others for your failures, for your mistakes. the way she always shifts things around is infuriating. it ties into being hyprocritical as well. if i forget something she'll never let me live it down. if she forgets, she'll get mad at me for remembering it in the first place.
she's even attempted to pin the blame on me for a class i'm not even in before. apparantly it illicted a laugh from the class, and i do find it hilarious that she'd even go that far to try blaming me in a class i don't take, but at the end of the day, the deal is that she cannot accept that she did something wrong, and has to throw me under the bus.
or how many times she's accused me, shifted the blame to me. it's all MY fault in her world. everything is MY fault. if something goes wrong, it's because of ME.
8) The inability to talk
What's the use in a friend that you can't talk to? one of the major components that makes me resent her is the ability to talk. i cannot bring up a random subject because she won't accept it. she'll turn up her nose. she'll smirk. she'll call me stupid. we can never talk about something i want to talk about. we talk about what SHE wants to talk about, or she just ignores me completely.
What's the use in that? I don't want to constantly be the one listening. I want to have my opinion heard once in awhile too. And whenever we're together and with others and i speak out, or if i am having my voice her, she is usually eager to drag me away or to oppose my words.
or whenever we are sitting together, or i say good morning. we don't talk. it's a simple nod. i despise that. especially if she's in a bad mood, then she'll not talk at all. she'll pout and sulk the entire day.
also inc corelation but not directly related? She loves making weird sounds and swatting me, for no apparant reason. "Nnnnghh!!" and then a quick slap on the arm. like sure, that doesn't seem to make you look stupid at all. Or how she constantly yells "WAIT FOR ME!!" while giving me an ugly, strict face, even though i haven't moved at all. Tourettes much?
again in corelation but not directly related - she constantly yells at me for using my "kiddy voice" to talk to our kindergarten buddy. (higher pitched, sweeter, the baby voice), while whenever she calls her mom or talks to her online friends, she uses this sickeningly sweet, bubblegum-Asian, Japanese-idol-group voice that sends shivers up my spine. What, i can't do it but she can? Geez.
9) She's racist and homophobic
in a way i suppose that if it is her own choice that i have nothing i can say for it. but i do not believe that race of sexual preference can possibly make anyone "lesser than." ultimately, we're all human. we all have hopes and dreams and fears and regrets. how can she possibly judge someone based on their skin or on their sexual preference? what does it matter if a person is black, brown, yellow, white, or anything in between? what does it matter if a guy likes a guy, or if a girl likes a girl, or if a guy feels like a girl, or vice versa? are we not all human?
i wouldn't be as offended by this if she didn't explicitely state it. i wouldn't feel so bad if other people actually AGREE with her. maybe it's a cultural thing, i wouldn't know. for me, i do know i have a lot of prejudices as a result of what my family believes in, or is against. but that doesn't stop me from at least treating them as humans. i try not to badmouth them behind their back. (okay, i admit, sometimes i do, but that's a whole other blog entry in itself).
what i remember the most is an issue about Japan. it particularily stuck by me because i love Japan. (yes, yes, refer to the weeaboo post). it's one thing if she insults me personally, but it's another if she brings my family into it. or their background. whatever.
i remember she was yelling "ri! ri! ri!" (日) in Mandarin (in regards to her ex) and when i asked her about it, she said it was a bad word. And then she said, "it's a bad word because it's part of 日本!" (Japan). i can say that i was beyond shocked. not just because i love Japan, not just because i have extended family members who are Japanese, but simply because of the ignorance that this sentence evokes. as though there is something WRONG with another nation. no. simply NO.
sure, we can bring culture into things. maybe it's the way she was taught. but just because we are taught a certain way doesn't mean we ought to blindly accept it. shouldn't we question the validity of the things we are taught? question the motives, the deliverer?
and what about her blatant homophobia? what's wrong with loving the same gender? love is blind, is it not? shouldn't you love somebody for their personality, for who they are, rather than their genitals?
10) She has no drive, no passions. among many more.
ten things honestly is not enough to sum up all the things that i resent about her. we've done "friendship therapy" before - listing things we liked and disliked about each other. she had a list of at least 40 things i hated about her. but i think these 10 things emcompass most aspects that i dislike.
and this tenth one is a little bit of a preference. but it irks me that she has no true desires from life, no true passion. if that is so, then aren't you just existing, and not really living at all? This is just preference, of course.
but i believe that it is crucial to have passions in life. to have hopes and dreams. if we walk in the same rut day after day, then where do we find ourselves? shouldn't we at least try to claw our way out of that mundane life? even just a tiny spark of passion is enough. whether it be shopping, gaming, writing, designing - anything works, as long as its something.
1) Hard-Working
while she denies being hard working ("oh, i NEVER study!", among other phrases) i can see that she actually is a hard worker that cares about her studies. i find this very admirable. to be able to sit down and concentrate on such a boring thing, and come up with such elaborate lab reports and what not, i find that very, very admirable indeed.
i love people that work hard. i love it when people give it their all, give it their best, and put their heart into doing something. it's something that dazzles me every time.
no matter how much she denies it, this is a trait that i definitely admire. if only i could be as hard working as she is, i'm sure i would be able to make everyone proud. (and finish things that i start).
2) Cleverness
i'm not sure if this is her or me, but i find it clever that she somehow has the ability to balance love and hate with me. she'll piss me off and piss me off but then turn a switch and make her love her by acting all sweet and caring and having a meaningful conversation.
if this is her doing (as opposed to me simply forgetting) then i admire the cleverness that it takes. i wouldn't be able to do that. i wouldn't be able to play the puppet strings in the way that she does.
3) Her Persistance
yeah, it gets annoying when her persistance is "pleeeeeease! pleeeeeease! pleeeeeeease! last time i promiseeeeee!" but in a way, it really is admirable. to care so little about how ridiculous it makes you sound, to constantly repeat the same things, again and again, without fail, until you get the outcome you want.
that's pretty cool in itself, isn't it? "fake it till you make it", after all!
4) Mutliple Personalities
i guess we're all chameleons. we act certain way around certain people and then not in front of others. but i find that she's a master chameleon. she has so many faces and standards that it's impossible to keep track of them all. that'd be a trait i'd love to be able to imitate.
5) Her Prettiness
yes, that's right. this lovely not so lovely friend of mine, is a pretty girl. That's one thing i'll always be envious of, that's how pretty she is. she's pretty and she knows it.
i wish i were, too.
Bonus: Why I Don't Leave Her
it's beacuse i'm weak. i don't know how.
i'm scared that if i rock the boat before the year ends naturally, that i'll end up friendless, or worse. (she does have video footage of me acting like an idiot). i'm scared of her.
i don't like rejection.
im scared of her power, of how she is able to stay on my mind so long after we have parted ways.
frankly, i'm terrified of her.
which is probably why she plays me like a puppet on a string. probably why she's so incredibly over-controlling with me. (and when i say over-controlling, i do damn right mean over-controlling! she'll even go as far as to tell me what i can and cannot eat, when we used to go to McDonalds for lunch…! "no ice cream for you!"
Well, i guess that's that.
There's so much more going on these days, with Mango.
I hope this list helps you, as the reader, to identify the bad friends in your life. and to realise that you can't keep 'em all.
sometimes, it's just time to let go.
and trust me, it'll make your life a thousand times better once you do.
Ganbatte ne~!
<3
~Rena~~
Saturday, 19 April 2014
The Ups and Downs of an Average High Schooler
High school's weird.
I think we can all admit that.
While i think my high school experience has been extremely weird, tiring, frustrating, confusing as all heck, i still had a pretty okay time and have created some of the best memories that i will cherish till the end of all time.
With only two months left until i leave this school for good, I started thinking back about experiences that i've had since starting here, almost three years ago.
It's almost sad to think, that in a few short months, i won't be having these silly, naive, high-school thoughts anymore; i will be having silly, naive, university thoughts instead.
It's not that i want high school to last forever, since i don't. but it's still sad that these happy moments are ending soon, and that we are all going our separate ways thereafter.
(Although if the school will stop being so cheap and give us some decent food and furniture, i might reconsider my statement of "i can't wait to graduate!")
Without further ado, here are some of the sillier situations and flawed logic of today's generation of high schoolers!
DISCLAIMER: this is not all inclusive and i can't speak for ALL high school students. these are just things i've seen our students stress over, or have stressed over myself.
---------------------------------
GRADE 8
---------------------------------
* somehow i was THAT KID who never used a locker so i always wound up carrying my backpack around and holding a jacket on top of it all, since i was so stupid that i couldn't figure out what locker was mine.
* grade 8 camp! i remember feeling cold and awful throughout the whole thing. and i had to share a room with 6 or 8 girls. (can't remember which). and we had to sleep in bunk beds! the heck? 0.0 oh yeah, and the washrooms were communal! EVEN MORE WTF! the only good thing was the endless supply of fries during mealtimes.
* once, i had (whispers) GIRL ISSUES during class and i had to have my buddies make excuses and make a racket so i could escape from class without being seen.
* feeling frustrated with my classmates (somehow i wound up in a tiny humanities class) for not having the basic abilities to spell properly. (can't say i'm the best speller in the world, but… if you're having trouble with four letter words then i have some bad news for ya…)
* failed science
* getting 100% on a project that i completely BS'd. (docked marks for handing it in late)
CONCLUSION: grade 8 was a pretty standard, boring year. It's my first year in high school, and my first time attending a neighbourhood school, at that. I had a pretty rough time adjusting to it. i guess in a way i can say i'm not used to being forced to study. the one memory that stuck with me the most is grade 8 camp because it made me feel miserable. i couldn't help but to feel nostalgia because we used to go camping every year in grade school, except it was usually 4 to a room, we had a balcony, a view, personal bathroom, fluffy beds, dimmable lights, sofas, TV's, and all that good stuff. except we didn't get to eat fries. we had jacket potatoes. … i think fries are better.
---------------------------------
GRADE 9
---------------------------------
* made my own niche of friends for the first time, and often stayed after school to just chat with them.
* childishly cycled through about 5 different phones in half a year since i kept dropping and breaking them. but after that i consistantly took good care of them and have only changed phones 3 times in the last 3 years.
* nearly failed art (how is that even possible…?)
* had a crush on a few 'badboiz' and somehow made it TOTALLY obvious.
* lost a diary at school that was found, read, and then returned to me. the boy that i talked about liking in my diary approached me just to act all stuck up about it, as if it was some big deal that i liked him. (for the matter i only liked him because he was a 'badboi' and did recreational drugs and was all swaggy and stuff. yeah i do still like that sort of boy, mostly because i am most attracted to boys that contrast me the most)
* sassed my PE teachers. // "So what if i sit down? I'm tired, so shouldn't i get to sit? It's my body! If you don't like it, complain to my parents!"
* wormed my way out of a detention (it was for being late. well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me for being human and making mistakes and needing more sleep sometimes…)
CONCLUSION: grade 9 was definitely better than grade 8 and more interesting, especially with cuter boys to crush on! It was great to have my own group of friends, even though it meant that i had more enemies as well. i transferred schools at the end of grade 9.
---------------------------------
GRADE 10
---------------------------------
* Duke of Edinburgh trip to the USA! Involved a lot of tiresome hiking and needing to (gasp) live in a tent!
- Being unable to undo the tent, dragging it across the field, asking if we can just leave it there and buy the school a new one, or burn it. got refused and was forced to undo it and carry it anyway
- Friend claiming that her feather jacket is waterproof "BECAUSE I STOOD UNDER A SHOWER AND I DIDN'T GET SOAKED." yeah, sure, and that's why you got soaked after 5 minutes in the rain and the teacher had to give you a rainjacket…?
- Being too scared to light our stove, so we decided to just eat a cold dinner and sleep. but the supervisor forced us to get out and eat a hot dinner. and made me do jumping jacks because i couldn't stop shivering.
* A Project Discover trip to a marine research facility!
- was not as miserable as gr8 camp. yes, we had bunk beds, AGAIN. but it was 4 to a room this time and while the showers weren't in our room, at least they are individual rooms in the bathroom hallway.
- froze to death boating because it was raining
- took a forest hike but it was muddy and cold and my boots were too small and i nearly slipped and fell flat on my face
- but the food was DELICIOUS! it was legit, not like camp food, more like grade school camp food. rice and pasta and scones and bacon and hash browns and muffins and soup and fruits and stuff like that! yum~ <3
- went on two cave tours! cool! although i nearly slipped off the edge inside a cliff once, but a dude grabbed me before i fell into the dark abyss. twice. #clumsy
* moved to a new school! (the old school was like, a rented inn or something. a new school was built and i guess i transferred at the perfect time because we moved in after a superlong winter break!
* bought my first laptop computer! Because apparntly the school "required" it. Or maybe i just made that up. I can't particularily remember anymore, heehee~ ^_^
* a language trip to France and Spain! I was part of the France group. It was the only reason i suffered through French class. (although, a second language was a requirement so it isn't as if i could have refused. although i took both Spanish and French as a kid, i don't believe i have an affinity for languages and neither stuck. Also i learned Latin. that stuck even less.)
- First trip abroad without parents! Although in attempting to catch our connecting flight we had to run through the airport waving our arms wildly like a bunch of chickens.
- "NOOOO MY HOMESTAY DOESN'T SPEAK EVEN ESL LEVEL ENGLISH MY LIFE IS ENDING"
- Set off a fire alarm in Paris by accident because i didn't know i had to close the door when showering. (didn't know there was a smoke detector thing, and i was too scared to be in an enclosed space by myself). had to run downstairs in a towel…
- "I WANNA SHOP ON CHAMPS ELYSEES FOR THE ENTIRE DAY!" "NO!!! I WANT TO GO TO ARC DU TRIOMPHE!!!" "NO!! THAT'S STUPID! I DON'T WANT TO!!" "YES!! I INSIST!! RIGHT NOW!" //real conversation with my buddy
- visited the original Louis Vuitton shop.
- Played badminton
- Paris Disneyland!
* Had a PE unit consisting of volleyball. on the beach. #sand in my shoes
* Believed i could get into Harvard. //Newsflash, just because the neighbour's kid got in doesn't automatically mean that you can, too.
* Nearly failed French.
* Math teacher got so fed up with me and my inability to do math that he got me a private tutor to teach me in a seminar room instead of having me in class. (she was a MUCH better teacher, by far)
CONCLUSION: grade 10 was a blissful, happy year full of new experiences, new friends, and a new life. there were a lot of silly moments and yes, we were just a bunch of naive high schoolers who dreamed dreams and believed in themselves.
---------------------------------
GRADE 11
---------------------------------
* All hell broke loose when i was separated from my best buddy for just about all my classes.
* Had to retake my French 10 final test, but was able to opt out of taking a language because my Mum talked to the Headmaster for me.
* China Global Trip
- I didn't go because apparntly the air pollution is bad for me. Me and Mum took our own little trip during winter holidays to make up for that.
- Kids that didn't go Global got the oppertunity to go visit local attractions, courtesty of the school. ^_^
* Best buddy became worst enemy.
* Was a fairy in "midsummer night's dream" for a school production.
- got to blow bubbles and wear a cute, lacy dress!
- had a crush on Puck. ;D … As did pretty much every other girl in the play.
* Tutored a 2nd grade.
- she once kicked my phone down the hallway for reasons unknown…
* had a LOT of spare blocks (often together), so i'd sleep in the quiet area. (since there are couches there and there is a no talking rule)
* "WHY IS THE SOCIALS' ROOM THE ONLY ONE THAT DOESN'T HAVE A CEILING MOUNTED PROJECTER. IT'S NOT FAAAAAAAIR!!!!" - Everybody. (except me. I don't really care whether the projector is mounted on a ceiling or put on the table. Honestly. What does it matter?)
* Became so used to automated everything in the washroom that i forget to turn the tap off when i'm not at school, or stand there waiting for it to turn on by itself, when i'm not at school. (and yes, people stop and stare as if i've gone batty)
* Did a speech on "why school is unimportant and is not actually preparing us for the future". got a lot of praise on it, and did not win merely because i looked as if i was about to faint the entire time. (I was. i hate public speaking)
* teachers tried to join a union and it caused a huge controversy in the school. resulted in several teachers being fired and/or resigning. parents caused a huge uproar over the issue. i can't remember any of it because me and my family just didn't really care. Let them do as they please!
* some boy broke his leg during school hours, on a skateboard.
* everyone hid when a teacher left the room.
* Accidently dropped my buddy's phone down 3 stories of stairs and it completely shattered. somehow, she was not at all pissed at me, just a little shocked. it was instareplaced, and her only comment was, "dude, stop apologising. it's okay. we're among friends, aren't we? so its okay."
* Accidently dropped my buddy's phone down 3 stories of stairs and it completely shattered. somehow, she was not at all pissed at me, just a little shocked. it was instareplaced, and her only comment was, "dude, stop apologising. it's okay. we're among friends, aren't we? so its okay."
- i would've understood the nonchalance better if it was some old school or crappy phone but it was a flipping new iPhone. I really gotta commend her on her calmness in that situation. I think i would've started crying.
CONCLUSION: boring year, but at the same time, daily life was okay and not too bad. the most major part was a fall out with a former friend. yeah, we continued being besties, but i resented her secretly. this was more of a year of politics than anything else.
---------------------------------
GRADE 12
---------------------------------
* School issued email accounts to the students so we can receive notes instead of needing to type them.
* nobody can agree on what we need to do for grad.
*Grad retreat!
- Friend - *tries to microwave a ready made chicken*
- Friend - *tries to microwave a bottle of milk*
- "32$ budget per person! remember you are staying overnight!" *buys junk food, pies, and basically a feast. since we had 5 to a room = 160$ budget*
- Zip-lining! Superfun but also very scary! gorgeous scenery by the way
* Gala plate option sells for over 1500$. Yes, because a 6$ plate that all the grads sign suddenly means that it is worth over 1.5k. what, did we sign our names in gold? #WTFlogic
* Had a relatively clean and cutely decorated locker for once in my life.
* Attended several Model UN conferences. Hotels are supposedly "really good" but i can't help feeling as if they are haunted because the hallways are not light enough.
- // made a mess and called in the maid to clean it. literally. called the front desk to say, "can you send someone up to clean up?" and running out of the room because no one wants to admit being the one tacky enough to ask such a question.
- stacked cups and ate mints and didn't pay attention during the conference.
- bought a lot of Happy Meals to collect all the tiny stuffed bears. (yes we did end up getting them all)
* Received an award and an assembly, but it just so happened i forgot to wear shoes during the assembly. // went up with only socks on
* "WE DON'T WANT TO GO TO EUROPE WE WANNA GO TO CUBA!! WHY WON'T THE SCHOOL APPROVE IT!!!! WAAAAAAAAAA!!! I DONT CARE IF THE EUROPE TRIP IS A LONGSTANDING TRADITION!!!" - brats.
* Parent offers to pay 4k for a party hall for the grad afterparty but somehow still cannot placate all the students because "WE WANNA HAVE IT IN A HOUSE!! WAAA!! OUR LIVES ARE OVER!!!"
- Also apparantly all the parents insist on having security and a team of medicare staff there. … well, okay… if you really don't trust us, even for just one night…
* Socials' room finally got a ceiling mounted projector.
* New Chromebooks and Macbooks for the students! <3
* New Microwave! Fridge and Oven installed and open for regular student use for the first time!
- ice cream, cake, and condiments are staples in the fridge. cups and silverware and provided. so are kettles and coffee machines. well, okay… if you wanna spoil the students THAT much… whew, i wonder how everyone'll survive in university…
* "sleeping area" moved downstairs into the main library because too many people abuse the right and just sit there and talk when people are trying to sleep or study.
* rules slacken; nail polish now allowed.
* bleachers become automated
* "well, since SHE has a headache and left, HE has a headache, SHE is asleep, SHE is almost asleep, HE isn't paying attention, and SHE is stressed as all hell… let's just take a break and sleep for this class." - History teacher. *everyone is given a sweet and a pat on the back*
* "this is RIDICULOUS! since spring break, HALF of you are late, and the OTHER HALF don't show up at all! this is unacceptable behaviour!" - Headmaster (yes, truly, that is ridiculous…)
* Began keeping a blanket in my locker so i can nap a little if i have a free block.
* "it's cold in here…" "why don't we turn the thermostat up?" "yeah, good idea!" *turns it up to 24 degrees* - Me and my buddy (yes, because leaving every room's thermostat within easy reach of the students is SUCH a good idea. not)
* "THE FURNITURE SUCKS WE NEED NEW ONES" - ???
~COMING UP~
* 1 week long biking trip
* grad ball/commencement/events
* AP exams
* Maylong grad retreat?
CONCLUSION: it's been great fun so far, even if the students become more and more outrageous every year. the things i wrote aren't even the half of it. the comments i hear on a daily basis feel normal to me, until i really think about it, then i realise just how silly and self riteous they sound. but it's been a fabulous (albeit stressful and frustrating) year!
I feel as though i've been in and out of this sort of rut so much that i forget what high schools truly are like.
Is every high school like this?
I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.
But at my old school, we had old desks that are starting to come apart, cracked plastic chairs, minimal heating and cooling, a canteen if you wanted food, an old timey projector where you write on a plastic sheet and put it onto a lighted surface for projection, and the lockers are tiny. (whereas here, i can literally stand comfortably inside my locker).
thinking back, "that life" and "this life" is just so drastically different.
Either way, it's been a great great ride and high school, while not my golden years, are definitely the providers of some of my most cherished and amusing memories.
**NOTE**
this entry was originally written for extended family members that otherwise do not have the ability to know about me or my school life, and therefore some points may seem too personal.
Hope ya'll are having a good, fun, high school life. :)
~Rena~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)